It’s been awhile since I have posted. The last four weeks have been a slow spiral back into full blown alcoholism, and everything that comes along with it. I have managed to put some sober days together during that time but I have had to force myself and fight the urge to drink throughout the entire day. Today was one of those days. I stayed alcohol free but it was a huge struggle. I act ridiculous when I drink. Nearly every time I drink I wake up feeling regret, shame and embarrassment. I work around people I really like but I know they think I’m a drunk and it’s hard to take someone serious when you never know if they are hung over, still drunk from the previous night or in middle of a binge. I had a hard time looking anyone in the eyes today and all I wanted was a drink to slow down the negative thought process I was dealing with. I’m proud of myself for not drinking and I know I don’t want to drink tomorrow. I just worry what will happen four or five days from now when the urge returns.
We gotta do something different if we truly want different. A meeting, a walk in nature, write a damn novel–whatever it takes to stay away from a drink my friend.
This place is good but there’s more to give you strength to getting happier & healthier. Hugs for today and let’s wake up and do it again tomorrow.
Hey Troy, sounds like you’ve been battling this fight on your own and that makes it extremely hard if not impossible.
For me, I had to find new interests to replace the drinking - and find new ways of coping with life and its roller-coaster of emotions. Being consistent and staying connected every day with this forum also helps me, as did AA meetings (face to face and online).
Its great you’re trying to plan ahead, you’ve just gotta keep trying to find what works for you and keep working it. Everyday. One day at a time.
Hi! I’m Troy McClure and you might remember me from movies such as “My Big Drunk Wedding”, “The Drink After the Night Before”, “Drunk Wars, Revenge of the Drunkard” and others.
Seriously though, it’s sad to read this.
I genuinely hope you can find your way back and are able to change up your patterns and make the changes that make it stick.
So this is where working our recovery comes into play Troy. This where we will need a personal program of recovery to work on. To make our personal recovery work. It takes work. It takes help. It takes (in my personal experience and conviction) other drunks to help us. Can’t do it alone.
What helped me greatly was this place. Been coming here daily for over three years now. Been in therapy for nearly two. No shame or regret about it. Other people need other programs too, like peer support stuff like AA, SMART or Dharma. Whatever suits you. Just as long as you know that just worrying is not going to cut the cake. You can do this but it takes work, and quite a lot if too. Wishing you all success friend. We’re in this together.
Have you looked into seeking professional help like rehab or substance abuse counseling?
I made it through another day without drinking. I see no reason left to drink. I have had this tight feeling in my chest for months. It’s as if every breath is a strain. However I feel as if some burden has been lifted from me. Yesterday gave me every reason to drink and I faced the day as well as I could. It wasn’t easy. But I made it, and I made it without drinking. If I can get through that without booze I can handle just about anything.