My name is Drew, I’m 24 years old, and I’ve been drinking since I was 14. It just started as me messing around with my moms wine and tequila with my friends and not thinking much of it. When I turned 15, I started drinking regularly during family functions. My family was very lax about me drinking exessivley as long as I did it with them, but eventually I started stealing alcohol and drinking by myself when I was 17. When I was 18 and in college, I bought handles of alcohol from a classmate who worked at a liquor store, and then I would drink almost every single day with one of my sisters until I was 21. Then, I would start buying a bottle a week.
When I was 22 in the summer of '21, I started drinking 5/7 days after work. I served across the street from a bar, and would be up until 1 am pre-gaming at work after my shift, and then would go to the bar and drink more. It became my nightly routine to drink after work, and sometimes on my days off. I would drink when I was happy and wanting to have a good time, but eventually started to drink when I was angry, depressed, or anxious. I started medicating with alcohol and nothing else. I neglected my physical and mental health, pushing myself deeper into depression, causing cyclical drinking. I physically injured myself many times which put my job in jeopardy on multiple occasions.
I would spend my last dollar on a drink at the bar, and I did so consistently, and it got worse once I started working at the bar I went to and started getting a 50% discount. There wasn’t a single day or night I went without a drink, and I almost never went to bed sober. I used to spend $300-$400 a month just on alcohol. Ever since I was 17, I knew I had a problem. I would start craving a drink, and drinking way too much when I did. Alcoholism runs in both sides of my family; my father, uncle, aunt, uncle, and grandfather. For some reason, I didn’t think I could ever be like them. It didn’t even cross my mind.
At the end of 2022, I was going through a very intense break-up. My drinking problem was a prominant contention froim my ex-fiance, and it got worse when we separated. I ended up drinking almost an entire bottle of whiskey at a party and eventually left while I was (literally) sobbing in an uber. After I got home, I proceeded to verbally berate them over a 2-hour phone call. I don’t remember almost anything I said, but I do remember throwing away a fresh bottle that night, and waking up in the morning to them saying they had no love left for me. After that, I got sober. It was surprisingly easy after a few weeks, and I rarely had cravings. I was sober for 5 months when, in April of '23, my grandmother died, and I used it as an excuse to end my sobriety with a bingeing episode.
After that, I told myself that I could still drink “like a normal person”, but I would make rules. 1. No alcohol in the house. 2. No more than 2 days a week. 3. No more than 1 beer and 2 shots per day. These rules became more and more lax, and I eventually was back in full swing with my addiction, consistently making excuses. When I would tell people I was drinking again, I’d say “I’m drinking but not DRINKING”, as if it made it any better.
In August of 2023, I met my now fiancee. She had and still has a lot of trauma surrounding people who drink. She didn’t like me going out to bars or being around her when I was drunk, but I did it anyway because I thought she was trying to control me. She was concerned about my drinking, but I didn’t take it seriously. One night I got very drunk, and stbbed myself in the leg 9 times. Stayed overnight in the hospital and got 5 staples. I still drank. The last time I drank, I tried to kll myself via overdose, and was hospitalized for 3 days. I remember the ambulance, texting my boss and my mother, my family coming to visit, and my fiancee staying with me the first night I was admitted. That’s when she told me I had to stop. I made the choice to stay sober for her. I’m still trying to find a reason to stay sober for myself, and my lack of reasoning is making sobriety much more difficult than before. Still, I’m proud to say I’m 84 days sober today, March 2nd, 2024, and while I haven’t found my reasoning yet, I can say I’m much happier than I would’ve been if I’d kept turning to alcohol as a solution when it was only ever a problem.
