I’m happy to hear that Desiree. Way to push through. 
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Wow. I’m so sorry for you in your current situation. You truly have a couple of enormously stressful situations. Ending an intimate relationship plus worrying about finding a new place to live are right up there ar the top of the list of most stressful things to deal with.
I wish I had the right words that could make all your stress disappear. I can say that I’ve been where you are, and i celebrated 30 years in recovery from alcoholism and cocaine addiction on April 9th. I still go to my AA and CA meetings. Thank God.
What i can say is I just ended a 25 year marriage and filing for divorce was the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make. It was hugely financially stressful. Plus I had serious health conditions that I was dealing with. One of them was worsened by the stress from my wife’s behavior. If it got real bad, i could get pancreatic cancer. Thankfully, I made the right decisions about ending my marriage and that medical situation has calmed down. Plus my 39 year old son in law died unexpectedly while jogging, leaving my daughter with two beatific little boys to raise by herself. I was really upset about losing my young son in law and about how my daughter would manage on her own (fortunately, she’s also in AA and her recovery is very solid).
It was like you described, when I needed friends to reach out to me, they weren’t reaching out. My emotional pain became so great I felt i could not take it. But I did take it, I didn’t have a breakdown. I had to manage by myself for three months feeling uncertain how I was going to manage my emotional stress. I finally did get support from some friends, but no one really understood all that I was going through. But the support did help me believe that I wasn’t alone, and that was important. I still struggle at times because I’m living alone now, and I’m not used to it. I have, however, managed to find a special lady to spend time with and try to build a long term intimate relationship.
I’ll ask you to think about this: will any of your current situation kill you? If not, you can make it through this stuff. If you make the choice to relapse, that choice COULD kill you. Please, you have started the best time in your life (I know that’s not how it looks right now), you can find the inner strength to go on and not relapse. The shame you’ll feel if you relapse will overtake and add to your current emotional pain.
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I love this app. It’s open 24/7. Anytime I have urges to drink or smoke I know that I can get on here for support or just scroll and read topics related to what I may be going through and it really helps a lot to know that I’m not alone. Neither are you. So sorry you’re going through all of this. The good thing is you reached out for help! I hope you can get some rest and try to process it all and that you don’t have to make a sudden move. It sounds to me like you really love your pets and don’t want to have to get rid of them or sleep in your car. I hope your boyfriend can get some help too. I’m about 7 years clean from meth. Like him I used it for about a year so it is possible for him to stop if he really wants to but that’s on him to do. Good for you understanding that your mental health is important and to be able to identify whats making you want a drink. I’d hate to see you have to put yourself out due to his problems. Hopefully he will stay at his space and today will be a much better day for you. I hope you stick around here with us. You can vent to us all day long and someone is going to answer you.
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I can empathize with you my friend. I am 29 days sober (booze and pills) and on May 8th, my life changed and that of my family as well. It was a horrible night where some bad consequences occured due to my substance abuse. As a result, I am losing my home and my blended family. I have nowhere to live at the moment but my family graciously stepped in to save me and I’m staying with them while in rehab.
Life will do life. I can expect various stressors to come and go. Challenges and obstacles. I am putting my faith in the Lord that everything will be ok. He will be with me as I walk through life. That by remaining sober and facing those challenges and moving through them (sober) I will get stronger and more resilient.
You can do this! You got this! Don’t pick up that next drink!
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Wow. Thank you so much for sharing that. It’s both heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time. I’m so sorry to hear about your losses. I’m glad you were able to do things for yourself to improve what you were able to control. I’m glad I have this app to be able to talk to so many wonderful people like yourself. And thank you for your words. Things are still a bit rocky with the relationship and living situation but for some reason (maybe the self growth over the past month) I don’t feel hopeless. I’m still gonna keep fighting and making decisions to move forward. In the past, I would feel like I was in a quicksand pit of despair. But now, I feel hopeful. Gosh, I wish I had y’all earlier in my life but I’m glad we have each other’s back now.
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What was it that really helped you when you decided to get clean? I just had a talk with the boyfriend and he said, “In a sense, I’m glad I relapsed bc it was absolutely horrible and reminded me why I don’t want to do it again. But IF I ever do it again, I want you to leave me.” Sooooo, right now, things are in a limbo. I mentally checked out and I’m not sure if I can go back to how I was before with him. In the meantime, I’m looking at properties to possibly move into. I have enough saved to be able to live elsewhere by myself but the down payment is what I have to gather. Unfortunately, this means I won’t be able to go to school in the fall because I have to pay out of pocket for it and I can’t do that AND pay for a mortgage. I’m just gonna plan my route out and try to maintain my peace and sanity. Thank you for sharing your story.
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I think focusing on yourself, your sobriety, a place to yourself is always a good thing. Relationships with others, well, in my experience, they can take the focus away from truly healing our own selves. I say, you cannot go wrong taking care of you, first and foremost. If you cannot go to school in fall, maybe shoot for spring. Work on getting some financial assistance for school from now til then, see if anything is available, every little bit can help. The library can often be a good resource or of course the school itself. Librarians love to help people. 
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I’m SO glad your family has been able to help you. That is amazing. A lot of people don’t have that kind of support and it makes me smile when people do.
Sleeping in my car is no deal for me. I took the passenger seat out and built a nice bed in the space so that I can travel without having to pay outrageous fees for a hotel. Also, I commute an hour to and from work and on double shift days, I just cover my windows, post up in the parking lot, and sleep in my car. But the dogs and cat situation is what’s stopping me. They’re my staple to sanity. My grandmother died recently and I was sad. But the day after her service, I found my Great Pyrenees dead in the yard and that devastated me more than my Gram. Went on a two week bender and then woke up one day after a black out drunk and decided enough was enough. I know life throws curve balls but the amount of shit I deal with in regards to my dude is astronomical. I’ve been dealing with shit I told myself I’d never tolerate. And I don’t need a REASON to drink. I’d probably be drinking even if he wasn’t a factor. But when I’m trying to do good and stay sober, his additional shit on top of my current struggles can get overwhelming. I’m still striving for the best though. I’ll do what I need to do to be able to be ok even if that involves uprooting my life again and doing it solo.
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Unfortunately, I’m tapped out with financial assistance. I’m so far in debt that it’s sickening. I’m trying to finish my third degree but I’m in a debate with myself about it bc it’s in criminal Justice and I honestly have zero faith in the CJ system. The only thing that has me wanting to finish is to just complete something I started but I think it’s a waste of time.
And yeah, focusing on myself 100% is for real what I need. What’s going on right now ain’t working or helping. Luckily, I have a couple friends who have been doing house hunting for me and sending me links bc they wanna see me do better. Most of the time, I’m in love with my life. But over the past year, it has been a struggle. I could write a novel on the shit I’ve had to deal with. The dude is a time bomb. I don’t even have him on my social media bc he’s famous (in a bad way) and I’ve had reporters contacting me trying to interview me about him. I didn’t know the depth of it till well into our relationship. It’s just chaos.
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Well honestly I flipped out on it. Then my husband knew I was on it. He works out of town often and had to drive back home to care for our 2 younger children because I was a mess. I decided to be honest and tell him what was going on and he was pissed plum off! As he should have been. I knew that he was very serious about putting me down the road if I touched it again and I would lose my children, him my home etc. If I touched it again. So I made him a promise I’d change. I had to stay completely away from other user’s. Even my own sister. About 4 month’s later I was cleaning house and I found some that I had hid and I ended up using it. He knew as soon as he got home. I guess just the look on his face and my oldest daughter’s and son’s face was more than enough to not touch it again. Rather than him threatening to put me out or cuss me and put me down the road he actually said to me I know you’re better than that. I think those were the magic word’s that I needed to hear because I felt so worthless. I haven’t touched it since about 7 year’s now. I hope you find a great place and can keep your pet’s. You definitely have to work on you first and foremost. Sorry about school.
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Great share!!
I just read this to the boyfriend and he cried. So did I. Thank you for being transparent.
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Wow! Now yalls going to make me cry lol. You’re very welcome. Believe you can and you will!
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Oh hey. Thanks. Things have been horrible but I’m trying to make it. Sleeping in my car in a Walmart parking lot right now. I just don’t wanna be home bc of the energy. The animals are good. Set them up for success before I left but I’m just a hot mess right now.
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So sorry to hear your predicament. Stay strong and hope peace comes your way.
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That sounds rough, but I support getting out of the environment. Is there a women and children’s shelter nearby? They may have some resources and info that could help a bit. Just a thought. I am sorry life is so hard right now.
I’ve been in a better spot the past week. No, there’s no women’s shelter where I live but I’ve been to one to visit a friend in my home city and it was HORRIBLE. I’ve been homeless before and I’d rather do that than to go to a shelter. Had to get back on my sobriety bc I drank a few days ago. However, coming from being a daily black out drinker to only drinking once or twice every 30+ days is an improvement. I’m definitely shooting for none at all bc I hate how I feel afterwards. I’m on day 3 again but I’m encouraged. Plus, I’m quitting my job in a few weeks and omggggg what a sigh of relief! This place stresses me out more than anything. I work in a hospital and it’s horrible. Anywho, I appreciate y’alls support and advice. Thanks for checking in.
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I am glad you have been in a better spot and that you are here. Take it day by day.
Me too. I like it here. And I’m excited about trying new meetings when I quit this job. I’ll be doing door dash and Lyft or at least two months in my home city, which has way more resources. I can take a break and go to a meeting before jumping back onto my shift which is cool.
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