I’m sitting in a parking lot right now wanting to go get liquor bc my emotions are crumbling. Two weeks ago, my boyfriend admitted he had been secretly doing meth for the past year. He said he hit rock bottom and was done. And today, he said he did it again and now I have to figure out a new living situation because it’s jeopardizing my sobriety and mental health. I’m 24 days sober (alcohol) and this is the first time I’ve wanted to drink. I believe my relationship is coming to an end and I’m really sad. None of my close friends are picking up the phone and neither are any of the AA people from my home group. I’m trying not to implode right now.
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I’m not sure I’m following. What your boyfriend is or isn’t doing with substances isn’t a direct impact on whether you should be throwing in the towel does it?
His path is his to take and yours yours. Allowing yourself to let these reasons drag you back in doesn’t seem like it is going to help you in anyway at all.
I think you should play this all forward and see where it is that this choice can take you. Hopefully you’ll see that the sober path will ultimately take you to a better place than drinking or using…
Hopefully you can make a good choice for yourself. 
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You’re here, and you know alcohol isn’t going to help anything. Play the tape. You know the script, right?
You’re hurting and you feel alone. Now is the time to move a muscle, change a thought. Go to the gym, go for a walk, go anywhere else, go somewhere and scream, talk to your Higher Power, and read the Big Book.
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Some selections from the Big Book. Reading this is better than drinking, any day of the week:
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Can you hang on a find an Al-Anon meeting tonight or this afternoon?
Al-Anon.org
That’s where I would go for comfort and support.
You’ve done so great getting the first 24 days. Ask yourself. What good would come of picking up. The problems will still be there along with a new shame and feelings of guilt for doing so well and then picking up.
Great job coming on here and asking for help and sharing how you feel.
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It’s the big emotions, the end of a relationship, and having to uproot my whole life that is overwhelming me to the point where I want to drink.
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There’s a meeting in a few hours, but I already left the house because I couldn’t handle the energy there. So now I’m just driving Around No destination in mind Just sitting in Randall places trying to clear my head
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Accept that these emotions are here. In addiction we try to silence things, numb them, bury them. Accept the emotions, just let them flow, and you don’t have to feel bad for having them, or for being angry about it.
This, too, shall pass
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And I’ve already been telling myself that a drink would not help that’s why I haven’t gotten anything. But the urge got really strong there for a minute. I think one of the most upsetting parts about all of this is the fact that every single time I’ve ever tried to reach out to any of the AA members of my original home group no one pick up the phone So like I’m surrounded by unreliable people I get more support on here than I do and meetings
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Good. I hope you go there. That’s where people understand what we are going through.
I woke up this morning all upset because my wife got drunk again last night and fell asleep on the couch. I got some good recovery under my belt and it’s still hard watching a loved one do this. But she is also a great reminder that I don’t want to go back to that. I got too much to be grateful for when I’m sober. And I’m free from the bond of drinking.
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I have a list of twenty people from my group and most of the calls I make go to voicemail. Sometimes they pick up, sometimes not (mostly not), but that’s life. They’re at work, or with their families. That’s ok. I have a family too and I can’t always answer calls.
If I’m really stuck, I’ll join a virtual meeting. There are lots and lots of meetings happening online, basically 24 hours a day, and I can join those to hang out with some sober folks.
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I got to admit TS is my main support too. But more because I’m hesitant to reach out. I always feel like I’m bothering someone.
I actually just move and I need to find a new AA group for me. But I did finally get to 2 different Al-Anon meetings and even though I didn’t know anyone it felt good to be with people that understand.
Are their other meetings you can try?
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The last time I REEEEALLY really needed help, I contacted about that many from the group. Only one person got back to me three weeks later talking about “oh I haven’t heard from you lately.” I was thinking “you raggedy bitch. You ain’t answer your phone!” I didn’t say that but I had it in my head.
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Yeah that’s what I usually do. I feel like I’m being tested because this is something that completely caught me off guard. My boyfriend was never a substance abuser. He has been my cheerleader in regards to quitting alcohol. But over the past year I have noticed he’s been different. Manic episodes, extreme anger outbursts, yelling, irrational points to arguments he had picked… and now it all makes sense. I was already having doubts to whether or not I wanted to keep investing in this. We rent a plot of land and have a whole homestead. I live in a tiny house he built me. So if I move, I either gotta move an hour away back to my home city where the cheapest rent is $1200 for some funky ass hole in the wall in the middle of the hood, or get rid of my dogs and cats and live in my car. So that’s why I’m kinda fucked up right now cause I’m in a situation that’s gonna be expensive either way and I’ll end up with nothing.
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Yeah you’re right. And I’ve been trying to tell myself that but my inner voice was meek. Getting drowned out with the alcoholic in me. But I’m starting to feel better now.
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You’re def right about the prob still being there and new shame. That’s a big part of why I got on here. This right here has never EVER been my first go-to. I’d usually just go straight to the store. But I stopped and tried the last thing I had run through my train of thought that could possibly help when all other avenues came to a dead end. “The sober app!” is what popped up. So I guess there’s some progress there.
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Glad you reached out. That sucks, but it is good to know now before it got even worse or harder to get out of. You will get thru this. Can you go for a walk somewhere in nature, clear your head a bit before you hit the meeting later? You can’t solve it all right now, but you can hit a meeting, take a walk, clear your head, keep reaching out here.
You can get thru this sober. Drinking would make you feel worse, seriously. It wouldn’t solve anything. And I sense you are pretty strong, don’t let yourself down.
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I went for a drive for a couple hours. I just got back home but I’m sitting at the bottom of the driveway not wanting to go up and get out cause I don’t wanna deal with the boyfriend and his tweeked out energy. But I have a kitten I just rescued two days ago so I HAVE to go and face the music. We live in diff tiny houses about 30 ft apart but he knows when I get home and I just don’t want him to come up in my space. I gotta get to the kitty though.
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I get it. But these big emotions are what we need to embrace sober to learn and grow. Alcohol will in no way help anything.
Matter of fact I can guarantee that the exact opposite would come from it.
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Oh I already know 
that’s the suck ass part about this addiction mindset. Logic sometimes goes out the window when we try to talk ourselves into doing some self destructive shit. But I’m home now and cuddling with my lil kitten I got a couple days ago. She’s fighting off my dogs and I’m so proud of her these sweet animals make me smile when I really need it.
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