I know that this is far from where it all really started, but my addiction itself began in 2015 at age 15… I got with a guy, moved in together, and all was well… until we began using meth. It steadily got worse and worse… flash forward to 2016, age 16, and I am rushed to the hospital with horrible pain in my abdomen… they cant figure out what it is so they send me in for a cat scan. It’s an unusual and terrifying sight… I have a TON of fluid resting in my pelvic area… the drs tell 16 yr old me that I was more than likely gunna end up with ovarian cysts and/or cancer and I have about a 20-30% chance of having kids. 2 weeks later, by an absolute miracle only God could give, ALL the fluid had somehow drained. October 2016, unbeknownst to me, I became pregnant. In december, around 12 weeks I found out. Then my babydaddy began to beat me… he would beat me horribly every day. Flash forward, 8 months pregnant. I’ve now dropped out of high school, and I’m hiding my bruises and cuts and breaks from everyone… until he drop kicked me with both feet in my knee… there was no hiding an immobile brace… but yet I continued to lie. I was sober during my whole pregnancy btw the greatest day of my life thus far happened july 28th, 2017. My little 6lb 8oz 22in long beautiful baby girl was born at 8:09 am… I thought everything would be better. I was wrong. Her father began pushing me to use again… I fought for a while but eventually gave in. It was so much worse this time… when I left him in 2018, I thought I’d stay sober, but obviously did not. I went into my first rehab. Where I met yet another guy. It was amazing. We were so happy. Then we left together. He was a fentanyl user. I had never used fenny before. He was on suboxone, and one day ran out… he began to withdrawl. I had money and he begged me to help him. I did. We drove and got some dope… he tried to fight me not to use any, but I ultimately did. I was hooked the second I made that choice… this was nothing like meth. I stayed up because I have hyperinsomnia but I could use fentanyl and just sleep! It was amazing. It’s now January 2019. I’ve ultimately developed a major dependency this drug. I have my baby in the car on the way home and get pulled over for swerving. Ends in a double arrest, me and bf, and I have to leave my screaming 1yr old in my car on the side of the interstate with a strange lady in a uniform. Luckily his mom lived close and came asap. I was charged with a DUI with minor under 17 yoa and failure to maintain single lane on hwy with 3+ lanes. Cops came to my apartment the next morning, they searched and even though I was cooperating they charged me with the weed pipe in my nightstand. Thankfully they let the empty caps go. Dfs arrived about an hour later and told me to relocate my baby. I did as I was told so they would force her from me. My mom came and got her. We were kicked out of the apartment, and homeless. Got some meth and were on the way to get fenny when I was in a hit and run… my car… tbh my House… was totaled… my $12000 first car. Just gone. But more so, almost both our lives. 1 inch farther to the left we both woulda died. He hit us at a dead stop going 80mph. That was Feb 17, 2019. Flash forward, thing continue to worsen my addiction growing majorly. I went to 3 more rehabs, racked up LOADS more charges, including class D felony possession fentanyl, and it’s now december 2019. I drive to a visit with my mom and daughter, show up a little too high on the xanax I’ve acquired, and get told to le ABC e immediately. I cry in the parking lot, and go back home. I pull in the driveway to see an officer. My mom called and told them me an my bf had warrents. We both are taken to jail. I bond out $500, but didnt have $1000 more for his bond too… he stays. I go home. January comes, and I’m now even worse off. The love of my life is locked up for a Very long time, and I’ve picked up a crippling xan habit too. I tried to use those to get off dope. Spoiler alert… it Didnt work. January 31st comes. I have no recollection of the car wreck I was in in the beginning of the month, or if I’m honest, the ENTIRE month of january. The hallucinations are vivid and terrifying for all parties. I’m living with my aunt. Mans in jail. Baby with my mom. I wake up thinking its 1am the 31st. It’s actually 4pm. **In my psychosis I saw my love put 2 guns to his head opposite each other and pull both triggers simultaneously. I began to plan how I was to also commit suicide. I decided on a few ways, if what I wanted didn’t happen. I called to my aunt an told her I had to go somewhere… a rehab ANYWHERE… she drove me place to place with understandably no luck… i was extremely dehydrated and malnourished and hallucinating something crazy. Throw in suicidal and they practly ran away. At the real 4am we arrived at a psych hospital. They called the er to get consent to treat, which they were NOT given. I was to be rushed to the er. When I got there, I practly cried with relief. The put an iv in, and began running tests. Multiple EKGs, chest xrays, a cat scan, and a urine sample resulted in terrifying news. Stage 3 organ failure. Roughly 24 hours from death. Yet another miracle only God coulda provided. They gave me an iv bag of vitamin c. Then 2 bags of fluid. Released 26 hours later to a psych hospital that’s a branch of a major hospital. Still hallucinating, pretty bad, but the withdrawls are awful. In the er they started me on subs. They couldn’t give them to me my first 24 hours at bjc-psc due to no dr available. However I have to take librium for xanax withdrawl so they dont kill me. My blood pressure wont raise above 70s/90s. Hypotension to the max… they ultimately send me to the big hospital. 2 more iv fluid bags and right back I go. Finally getting better. Restart suboxone, everything’s looking up… then on day 6, february 6th, 2019 they released me. I came home weighing 100lbs at 5’9. Still anorexic but starting to eat again… I got off suboxone immediately, and left state for about 2 months. I’m now home, weighing 135 pounds and I’ve honestly never felt better. Next week will be my 20th birthday, and it’s going to be my first birthday willingly sober birthday in 5 years. I’m rebuilding a relationship with my mom, and even though she’s pushing me to sign my rights over, I know that if she takes me to court, she wont have anything but the past to use against me.
Thanks for reading this far if you could actually follow that… I’m sorry it’s kinda jumbled
I have tears streaming down my cheeks,that’s a journey sweet child,that’s a journey,keep at it stay on this community it’s been a god send for me my name’s Emma I’m a heroin and benzos addict of 20 years,focus on the good and forget the rest,your here today living a new way WELCOME 
Thank you. It’s been a long journey and somehow there is still 15 years of seemingly endless trauma that prefaced my active addiction. I’m doing things the cliche way this time and its working. My mother is a big support, though still from afar for now. She has 8 years sober on Halloween and is a sponsor. A gift and a curse for sure
Hey, welcome! What a fucking rollercoaster! I admire you more than you could know. So much strength and self awareness comes through in your post. You seem a lot older than 19, my friend.
I’m an alcoholic and benzo addict. Messed with percs on and off, but thankfully they were binges that ultimately stopped because of mental health medication interactions. The benzos are the thing that still come up, as far as cravings, after 2 years and 9 months. Alcohol, nahh, not worth it. Percs or vicodin, nahh, don’t need it in my life. But the benzos, even though they aren’t worth it, they would ultimately lead me to my death, they sneak up on me, sometimes really bad. My detox lasted over a damn month, and it was brutal, but they still come into my mind. Please be aware of this. They seem to be so accepted, especially in the medical community, and that makes it fucking hard when I can’t sleep or my anxiety is raging. That’s not to say I would ever take them again or seek them out, I won’t, but it’s a much harder battle than I imagined it would be. I think that takes a lot of us by surprise. However, the battle is so much less intense than it was near the beginning. It’s a quick battle, and with all the practice I’ve had over the years I brush it off pretty easily.
Stick around with us. This is the most amazing community.
What a ride of a life! You’ll come out stronger at the end of this. As hard as things may seem right now, you’re going through and getting through it young! Some of us got started in our addictions late in life and are finally getting our shit together when we’d otherwise be more established! Welcome to the community! Congratulations on your decision to be a better you and better mom!
Welcome!!! What a ride life can be!! It sounds like you are working hard to build your healthy clean life and that is wonderful. I was also a teen Mom abusing drugs many years ago, with an abusive husband. 
It still amazes me how strong humans are and how we truly can overcome so much.
So glad you are here, safe and working hard!! Happy almost birthday!!
What a story!
Welcome here 