Two months sober, but first big challenges approaching

Life in Recovery
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Hi there.

So, I just passed my second calendar month sober a couple of days ago. Today marks nine weeks. I’ve been doing OK in terms of cravings, but I have mostly just been sitting around at home and watching horror movies–which is my my main hobby at the moment, and also something that I’m leveraging to help me stay sober (I talk about how I’m doing that a little bit here: Horror movies - #111 by SoberHorrorFan)

One of my other hobbies is music and collecting vinyl records, and I occasionally DJ at various events. I have two DJ engagements coming up–one this Saturday, and another in two weeks. These will be my first times DJing since getting sober. I have never, ever, DJed sober, in fact I have always got absolutely stinking drunk, and that has always been a big part of the fun of doing it.

The music I play is 60s and 70s garage rock and funk–very conducive to drinking. Even the thought of DJing sober has always been unthinkable, but now that is what I have to do, and I am pretty worried about my ability to resist the urge to drink. One of the events is at a live venue and the other is a more low-key event in a bar. But in both cases, everyone there will be getting drunk. I will know most of the people at both events, and they all know me as a heavy drinker–it has always been a big part of my identity. They are going to be surprised to see me sober, and probably also quite disappointed that I am not joining them in drinking, so that’s another aspect too. I have only been in a bar once since getting sober, and it was not a pleasant experience. I didn’t cave in and drink, but I ended up leaving early just to get out of the situation.

I don’t really know what I expect from posting this here. I don’t think there is anything anyone could really say that will make it any easier. I guess I’m just trying to get my thoughts straight. I’m just going to have to try to stay resolute and grind through things when they get tough.

Maybe it was stupid for me to accept the invitations to do the DJ gigs, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to hide from life in order to stay sober, and I am going to have to cross these bridges at some point. So, here I go…

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Check in if ya need backup. We are here for you

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Congratulations :tada:.
Are you fan of Art the Clown?
If so you know the movie lol

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I understand how you are feeling. I don’t want to hide from life either in similar scenarios (concerts, festivals, conventions). It seems like a tricky situation but who knows maybe you’ll be an even better DJ sober! I hope the gigs work out for you and that you can maintain your sobriety through them.

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For sure you have to cross that bridge eventually. But ‘eventually’ would be a time when you have more sober time. Usually if an early in sobriety person suggests going to a club, etc, the best advice would be not go or go and leave early. You can’t leave early if you are the DJ.
You don’t have to hide from life forever. But think about how long your life has been a mess because of drinking. Isn’t it worth adjusting your life temporarily so that it doesn’t become a mess again? In the end it is your decision, and we will support you.

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Thanks all for the feedback and support.

Well, the first of these events is tomorrow. I will be able to pull out somewhat early if I’m finding it too unpleasant, as there are other DJs, live bands, etc., and my slot is fairly early. Here goes…

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Well, the first event is over–and it wasn’t actually too bad at all! I had a couple of moments, but for the most part, I just enjoyed myself, talked to old friends, and enjoyed the music.

I guess the thing that surprised me the most was that no one noticed, or was even interested in, whether I was drinking or not. In fact I ended up mentioning it to couple of people myself, and their response was generally indifference, something along the lines of, “Oh, really. Was it a problem for you? I had no idea, but well done.” End of subject. I mentioned it to one of the other DJs, and he said, “Yeah, I haven’t had a drink for about two years.” In short, the only person who made any kind of big deal out of it was me.

I left the event a bit early–but mostly through a sense of boredom than discomfort about not drinking. My usual pattern would be to hang around till the bitter end drinking myself into a stupor, and be one of the very last to leave. So it was nice to get home at a reasonable hour and not wake up feeling like hell. It is also nice not to have spent a small fortune for the privilege of transporting alcohol from the bar to the venue’s toilet. :slightly_smiling_face:

My overall take-home lesson from the experience: Most, if not all, of my apprehension about what would happen, how I would feel, what people would say, what they would think, etc., etc., was all a product of my own ruminating mind.

Yes, I certainly need to be vigilant and not allow myself to lapse back into drinking, but also probably need to relax a bit, and not fret too much over things that may never happen.

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