I’m in a not good place 
I’m in some sort of shitty pity party right now. I got into an argument with my hubby. He is constantly criticizing every little thing I do. I was just tired of being wrong in his eyes all the time. I don’t do things to purposely piss him off. But he says I always justify everything I do and have an answer for everything. Well of course I’m going to defend myself. He sort of charged at me and made a threat (not to hurt me but sort of an indirect threat). I said that needs to stop and to stop threatening me. He threw my past relationship with my abusive ex in my face and that I called the cops (he hates police). I shut down right there. I walked away and then texted him later saying, “You don’t know what he put me thru for all those years. I knew what he was capable of and there was very good reason to call the cops that night. I put up with his sexual, physical, and mental abuse for a long time. He held me hostage on more than 1 occasion. Sad that u said that to me just now. I would’ve NEVER said anything like that to u if u had gone thru that and throw it in ur face. I know ur mad but I’m actually very upset over that comment”. My self esteem is shot right now, I feel like a shitry wife. I feel alone. I feel like I can’t do anything right. I’m mad at God (sort of but not really)… wondering why I have the life I have… the mental health issues, the addiction, the domestic violence in my past, the rape and abuse from being in the sex trade, the self harm, blah blah blah. Just don’t know why things are the way they are. Sorry to vent. Just upset.
Damn I’m so sorry BMW.
I know you’ve come and gone on here. I remember a lot of your history. It must be a very frightening place to be in where you are right now. I cannot imagine your pain. And I know you try so hard. And it is hard.
Here’s the domestic abuse hotline.
There’s a live chat on there. Maybe there’s someone on there you could chat with about the situation you are in. I don’t know.
I wish I could help more.
I’m so sorry to hear about what you are going through and the past experiences. I’m sorry your husband is being a shit hole too. Please don’t blame yourself!
No need to apologize for venting.
I just want to say you are loved, worthy of love and to love. I am so sorry you are struggling right now, I am sending you comfort and healing and answers. I have found talking to a professional very helpful. Even a healthy person you might look up to.
The one person you’ve shown your soul to should never throw ANYTHING in your face. He owes you an apology and maybe a long discussion as to why he thinks it’s ok to treat you like that.
You’re doing good though coming here, don’t let his actions put you or keep you down. You’re a strong, very brave, beautiful woman who deserves the very best life. Sending big sisterly hug, 
Vent away!! That’s the beauty of TS. I am sorry your day has sucked and you got in that fight. I know how uncomfortable that feels. I hate that feeling of spiraling downward.
Please know you are worthy of love, care and consideration…from others and most importantly, from your self. Our past is past, we cannot change that. What we have is right now, this minute. You are strong and capable and loved. I hope you can remember your strength and worthiness, cuz it does shine thru. Be well and know your shine is still there.
Totally understandable and you are not alone. I am so sorry you’re facing this pressure and this push from your spouse. It’s not fair and you don’t deserve it.
This is a good time to find support in recovery groups. There are lots of good online options if it’s hard to get out of the house. There are also womens groups which can be a option if you like; many people feel comfortable in that space.
Never give up. You are a good person, you’ve always been a good person, and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. You do not deserve it and it is not your fault. You deserve so much better and I hope you keep striving to find better.
I am really sorry that happened to u. We want to feel emotionally safe with our partner, and when they throw things in our face it feels like a betrayal. In the end, in the past u did what was right for u at that time. Whatever he thinks of it is not ur problem.
I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. I want to remind you that in this instance, an indirect threat is abuse, and emotional abuse is domestic violence. I always, right up until the end of my 10-year marriage, played down the physical abuse and especially the emotional abuse. So what if all he did that day was yell at me, at least I wasn’t being physically hurt. All that way of thinking did was keep me and my children in a horrific situation. You aren’t alone. Please make use of the resources given by Eric and Matt. We care about you and your safety. Please stay in touch. Sending you strength and love
I just want to thank everyone for responding to my post. I am okay and safe. It’s just the criticizing and the comment that was made earlier really broke me. I know all to well not to allow someone to break my spirit. I feel shitty yes as a person but I know that’s not true… I know truly deep in my heart that I’m a good person, I’m kind and loyal and strong and understanding and empathetic and determined to live a better life. U all are SO important to me. I am very VERY grateful to have u all and TS in my life . Thank you xo
I also have never said anything like this to anyone about the stuff he says n does. U all are the 1st to know and it’s not like it’s THAT bad but it’s not right either how he talks to me. I was going to delete my post shortly after I posted it. But I didn’t bcuz it’s real and it’s happening so why should I hide it. Like really? Anyway, I’m going to head to bed soon after my shower. Thank you all again hugs
You’re right. This is real. Also, it’s you living your life and it’s hard sometimes and maybe some things shouldn’t be happening but they are happening and you don’t have to hide it.
You’re allowed to share about the hard things too. You deserve to be seen and heard and supported.