Un supporting partner

Anyone else on here feel like they have a partner that just isnt helping them in their battle to be sober . good job I feel like I’ve got this on my own .

16 days no weed. But getting impression that my mrs wants me to go back to it because she is just being so unsupportive.

Can see this being the end of us at this rate. Beginning to think I needed to be high to live with this person.

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Thanks dude your so right.we are both in the same situation its so horrible.

I just dont know what to do anymore … I really don’t

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Thanks dude. The problem lies we have a child together and a house. But makes me think maybe the weed made it all bearable. Who knows.

I cant just leave or cut her out as its a long drawn out process which will bring more stress and dont want that to make me relapse.

Does that make sense ?

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No she doesnt smoke weed at all. Its me who was the addict

Sorry if didnt make that clear. Shes a saint in the eyes of the law lol just not to me

Yeah basically. About nothingness. Then I’m the one to blame. Just a shit place to be

Thanks Ncloud ! You really do talk sense. Your making me feel much better and i cant exoress how much I appreciate your help

And C sun thank you. I really am thankful for this app and such wonderful people that reside on it ! .

Your all awesome and I love you !!! Haha making my recovery so much easier. Making me see light at the end of this long dark tunnel I am stuck in

Thank you again xx

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I have 15 days clean going threw exact issue you stated, very unsupportive partner she is high everyday in front of me feel exactly the same as you that she wants me to fuck up. Was given some good advice in this application to look for sober support in AA. Best of luck to you man def know how it feels not to have your partner supporting you when you’re trying to make a better change for your life an future

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Thanks for that man. Nice to know I’m not the only one. She doesnt smoke weed. But ahe does smoke cigarettes. Ive made a big change in my life. She hasnt changed a bit.

I hope your doing ok. Just shows how strong you really are if shes smoking around you and your not. Just proves how well you are doing bro. Keep it up !

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Its encouraging to know other people in this forum have unsupportive partners. I hope this topic thread continues. My situation is with my new husband of 7 months (2nd marriage) not being very supportive. He’s expressed his disappointment that drinking was something we shared together and that’s gone. He barked at me the other night when the topic came up and shut the conversation down. I think if the tables were turned I would probably quit too or cut way down. For me it was getting out of hand and my overall health was suffering.
I will say that I began drinking more as we dated for 2 years and needed to pull way back. Of course tryng to curtail drinking just didn’t work for me. If I have one vodka drink then it turns into three plus (strong ones). It’s funny because we would get in arguments more often when drinking which he noted to me. Isn’t that just another reason to quit? I’m sober 50 days, and feeling sooooo much better. My stomach issues have subsided substantially, I have more energy, working out to get in shape again (which he encourages), sleeping better… I honestly want to get healthy again and drinking ain’t doing that for me. We are active and ski in the winter and golf in the summer; and drinking doing that too? It seemed like everything we did involved drinking too. He’s disappointed when we go to some of our favorite bars/restaurants and I don’t drink. I don’t mention his drinking as he’s sensitive to not wanting to feel judged. I get that and have abided by his request. A little encouragement or an atta girl would be nice. So far thats a no go. That’s a bit if my story. I’m so thankful for this app and the real life topics and encouraging posts. Its awesome!!!

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Hang in there and keep up the good work!

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There are several threads on supporting or non supporting spouses…you can search and find a lot of discussions about it…I find that helpful.

When I first got the inkling I needed to work on my drinking, my husband and I were quite actively drinking and using cocaine fairly regularly. Our relationship was formed on partying and drinking. We have been together 21 years and been through a lot together (2nd marriage for both). One of my many reasons for getting sober was wanting to remain with my husband and treat him with more respect and love. He is not perfect, neither am I, I was sometimes the taunter and belittler when I was drinking, often just an angry bitter person. He has a more happy drunk demeanor, but a drunk is a drunk.

He wasn’t supportive at first and I wasn’t very committed for a long time…so that wasn’t a good mix or healthy for either of us. As I became healthier, more aware and stronger in my conviction to become sober, his behavior became less of an excuse (trigger) for me to drink. I began to see that drinking or not was solely up to me, his drinking was his responsibility, whether I joined him at bars or dinners or events was up to me (I often didn’t). It was not easy and I did back off him and our relationship a lot in the process of getting sober. My love of myself is #1 FINALLY.

Everyone’s situation is different, if there is abuse, that’s a no go for me, my husband put up with my verbal abuse…which, as a survivor of physical and mental abuse is horrifying that I resorted to that, and makes me a human and a hypocrite. Forgiveness.

My rambling is all for this…relationships will change…now, many years of working on my sobriety and 10 months sober, my husband is working on his sobriety …total baby steps and drinking near every day, but he is CONSCIOUS and that is the first step. Will we be able to navigate this together? No one knows, but today, right now, we are. And we are in a much better place. Not perfect, lots of issues still, but still working our love and relationship. Only YOU know the heart of your relationship and if it is worth fighting for. NEVER sell yourself short or take scraps…we all deserve the best …from ourselves and our relationships. We are all human and make mistakes…but in the end, an asshole is an asshole and someone who is deeply flawed may be too much to take on. But sometimes an unsupportive spouse can and does change and / or you find a place where it works for you. We all travel our own path.

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She might be scared of change, bc she has been with you so long in your addiction. Try talking with her. Let her know you need and want her support. Let her know that you’re not only doing it for you, but for her and your baby as well. Let her know how you really feel. Lay it out on the table. If it turns into an argument, go back later. Try writing to each other so the words don’t become loud and hurtful. Let her know you’re doing what you need to do, to become a better you! If all else fails, remember that we are the addicts and we are the ones who need to change and work everyday at it. Not her. If she can’t be supportive, then just come back to this site. Go to a meeting, and call your network. You have so many people that will support you in your journey and only wish you the best! Keep your head up, love that baby, and remember one of our mottos. One day at a time… I wish you the best and it does get easier and better. Work it and surround yourself with people whom are positive influences for your recovery.

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Thanks Lorroe thats really great advice there. .

Everything you said makes sense also the writing it down so it doesnt become heated. Thank you so much for you assistance.

I Think things seem to be getting better. But i follow your advice non the less to get it all off my chest.

Thank you

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Glad I could help, wish you the best

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Honest, he’s a great person. And I’d marry him all over again. I get that I’ve changed and it’s just too new for him perhaps. He’s not abusive (been there, done that), I’m just a but dumbfounded that he’s not been very encouraging. For me, stopping drinking has greatly improved my health; no headaches, clear mind, awesome sleep… the list goes on. The benefits have certainly outweighed the negative effects and drain alcohol gives and keeps on giving!!! Thank you for the response and sharing your story. You rock !!!

I know how it feels to have that unsupporting partner. I met the love of my life 18 years ago . We were both alcoholic s and crack smokers for those years, but I had enough of blackouts and needing a drink to stop shaking and puking every morning so I picked up an opiate addiction and quit drinking without withdrawal 10 years ago. His drinking didn’t bother me and I was still smoking crack with him. Well I eventually couldn’t get opiates on the regular and heroine was cheaper and always around. A year ago I chose to start methadone program he will not stop smoking crack in front of me and having all his crack freinds over constantly sometimes days on end it is so hard for me and tried talking to him and all I got was I pay rent I can have my friends here and do whatever I want I’m not in treatment. I don’t want to leave but it might be inevitable because I’m constantly in my bedroom and feeling alone and isolated . I’ve also have many relapses in the past year, I felt I would never stop smoking crack but on October 6Th I took my last hit and also in one month I’ll have a year clean off heroine and opiates. He is still using both beer and crack. The only way I can stay sober ls To stay away from the him and friends and hide in my room out of thr house feel I wouldve been successful alot earlier. I hope you can find peace and balance to keep your sobriety and not let anyone change your mind to keep being sober. I eventually get away from my room and leave my house. Good luck hope u get where u want to be.