Welcome to the community!
Reading your post it is clear to me that you are spiraling down. You use alcohol for the drug effect reason.
That’s abuse. It’s not important how you call it, fact is you use a drug to deliberately alter your state of mind chronically. Lying about and hiding this behaviour is typical - for an alcoholic.
Quitting alone is hard and when you read around you’ll find out that many people here tried and were not sucessful on the long term quitting alone. Being together on the sober road works better. So again Welcome! TS is a great place to share, to find information on practically every topic (use the search bar above) and to share good times too 
Good threads to get started:
Welcome to the forum! 2022