Am the the only one with an unsupportive partner, it makes sobriety so much harder. Every evening he asks ‘want me to go to the shop?’ well of course I do, then I have the internal battle which he interprets as me being in a mood all the time. While I’m struggling to function and carry on as normal all he cares about is how my mood is affecting him and it makes me feel even worse about myself but I’m not gonna start drinking again just to make him happy! I thought a husband was supposed to support you and be your cheerleader and encourage you, I’m sick of having to explain how I feel and it wears me down.
Im in sort of the same boat right now. This guy and I have been friends for a while now. Weve only been seeing each other a few months. But we just got in an argument over a girl calling him “boo” on fb. Sounds really dumb. I was just asking a question about whether or not they were ever together. He blew up on me. Called me retarded, stupid and it literally ended with him telling me to go get drunk and kill myself. Thats obviously over. But he hasnt been aupportive since I shared with him 3 days ago I was taking the steps to get clean. The person youre with should support you and be there for you. At least thats what i read. Understandably it will get hard at times but still. Share how you feel. Keep that communication open. Otherwise i would just stop going with him. Let him know youre serious. I suppose it can take a partner a bit longer to accept and understand that this is definitely a lifestyle change. But if he says anything like what that dbag told me tonight…leave lol.
Wow! What an arsehole, sounds like your better off without him but I’ve been with my husband now 14 years married for 9 so it’s a bit more difficult to just leave. I’ve supported him through so much over the years it just seems selfish to me that he can’t help me when I need him for a change.
Keep that line of communication open. If you’ve been together 14 years I’m sure he will come around. If it’s hard fo you to be around it then tell him “babe I have to stay in tonight” or you could suggest other venues. Movies. Try a few new things small diners and get a pop. Kick it old school. Or you know what start going to a group or something that shares your hobbies. I knit and craft at home. Try finding a hobby you can do while he is out there but dont forget time together. Constant communication. If he loves you, which after 14 years and 9 years of marriage he must, he will understand. Some men and women dont adapt to change easy right away. Like yourself and wanting to get clean thats a change not only you are going through but so is he. If anything couples counciling is beneficial as well. Much love! Stay strong and lmk if you need to talk.
@Shel how long have you been sober?
I also have an unsupporting partner… on my 7th day sober now but she hasnt helped one bit. Iv got to deal with everything while she puts her feet up and tries to start arguments… you have to be responsible for yourself dont let anyone take your life away from you… iv started college and gym again taking my mind off things has helped alot.
To understand our part in things…years of drinking and hurt we caused other people doesn’t disappear over night. How many times did we make promises we didn’t keep? Just because we’re sober now doesn’t mean relationships and other things in our lives automatically fix themselves. It takes work, perseverance, and patience. We’re accountable for our own sobriety no matter if anyone is supportive or not. Communication is key…people aren’t mind readers. Talk about how you’re feeling, what you’re going through, what you’re doing, and why you want to stay sober. Don’t assume your friends or loved ones will understand on their own. The best proof of your lifestyle change is in your actions over a period of time. Talk the talk AND walk the walk. Some people are uncomfortable with our sobriety because we change. Don’t be angry at them because they, like us, are sick too.
You’ve only been in a relationship a few months and he’s calling you retarded, go get drunk and kill yourself? None of that’s acceptable at any time in a relationship, ever. People that throw that sort of shit at people they supposedly care about aren’t people you want within a thousand miles of you.
Lucky break really, if he’s saying that crap after such a short space of time, imagine what the loser’d be doing 10 years down the line!
That’s got me quite wound up. Apart from how f’n offensive that term is, imagine someone you care about telling you in confidence they’ve had drink problems and they’re getting sober, then you tell them to go get drunk and die. That is so underhanded and low!
I’m off for a coffee and a bit of counting to 10!
I’ve not been sober long but it’s not the first time I’ve tried, difference is this time I’m really committed to it because it’s a now or never situation but I guess from his point of view he thinks I’m gonna give up same as always so I can sort of understand why he has the attitude he does but I took your advice and sat down and had a proper long talk about it and what I’m going through and what I need and I think we may have an understanding. I’ll keep you all updated with my progress but Thank-you, it’s helpful to be able to vent and know it’s not just me in my lonely little boat xx
Welcome @Shel. And there’s so many of us, it’s an Ark
Sadly in many ways it’s our own battle and I have found others (those not sober) don’t understand the journey or are completely ignorant or are insecure about their own drinking/habit. Best thing To do is head down and keep moving forward - one day at a time. U will feel more sensitive if not emotional in coming days and weeks - it won’t be easy so u need to learn to not let the negative vibes in to ur head, u can’t control other people’s words and actions but u can control ur reaction. Shake off negative comments with a long walk or a run - as the in the earlier comment, u need to walk the walk not just talk the talk. U can do it, believe to achieve
Using the R word speaks volumes as to what kind of person he is…and it’s not good!!