Has anyone else’s spouse say that you don’t have a problem or need to stop drinking? He’s usually very supportive of me which is making this hurt even more. This is my day 1 and I already don’t feel good so am I just being over sensitive?
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Congrats on your day 1 into your new life! Unfortunately, this is something that you need to do for you and you alone. It is a bummer that your spouse isn’t supportive. Does your spouse drink or use? It might be hard for them because it forces them to take a good look at their self. But you will find a lot of support here! Do a search on here for spouse or unsupportive and you will find other threads on the topic. Do you have a sober plan? Here is a workbook to get you started:
https://m.box.com/shared_item/https%3A%2F%2Fapp.box.com%2Fshared%2Fc42hfl9upf3i35tagr9d
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I’d say it’s pretty difficult for anyone without a problem or that’s never seen someone with a problem. I can tell people I have a problem all I want and they still ask if I want whatever they got. Especially with a spouse or lover! It’s easy for alot of people to think drinking isn’t a problem or that you gotta end up on the street or in jail before it’s a “real” problem. It’s also easy to get caught up in thinking everybody will be extremely supportive when really we just want that constant instant relief were so accustomed too! Hang in there hopefully he will come around but you gotta stay sober and show him you are dedicated to your recovery!
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Remember that he/she is spiritually ill too. Before considering anything that seems so out of character, check their mindset and motives. There are likely unsavory factors contributing to their actions that do not have anything to do with you or your disease.
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Agreed. Addiction is a disease of your mind. When inder the influence, it is literal insanity. So it is really no wonder why someone who doesn’t suffer the same cannot possibly understand.
Thankfully, we live in an age where we can turn to and rely on those who DO understand… fellow addicts!
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Thank y’all so much for your advice. Yes, he is a drinker. Maybe he isnt ready to see. I’ve been reading a few other threads and it’s helping also. Slowly things are not seeming as impossible.
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Thank you. I’m going to read it as soon as I get off work.
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If he is a drinker, he may not want to lose his drinking partner. As was stated previously, he may not want to look at his own drinking and is angry that your choice has caused him to do so. I chose AA as my recovery program. Once I learned about my disease, drinking was never the same. He might feel his life is changing because of your decision and he might be resentful. Stay strong and stay connected!
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I have been clean since 1-12-17 and just today my so inbox me and said I log out of fb at certain times every day… Duh yea at nap time with our kids. I have never cheated on him while clean but when I was using I would do whatever for my drug. This is very depressing, and I am trying so hard . we have a 2.5 yr old and a 1.5 yr old. I get so tired of all the insecurities, any suggestions.
Yes! I told him then that makes him my enabler. I had a breakdown one night and told him I thought I needed to stop for good because of x, y and z reasons.
We talked thru it and he told me he didn’t think I had a problem and not to be so hard on myself.
He didn’t say it for selfish reasons. He doesn’t drink so it’s not like by me not drinking he’s missing out.
So, unless I keep pushing this on him, which I might have to because this is really hard on my own, he won’t understand.
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“Does your spouse drink or use? It might be hard for them because it forces them to take a good look at their self.” @MelB
This was my first thought also. Any time someone said they felt like cutting back on drinking, and I knew I was miles ahead of them drinking-wise, I’d accuse them of being a wuss and tell them they were fine, etc. Because I knew if THEY thought they had a problem, than whatever I had was eternal damnation to a life of slavery to booze. Scary to come to terms with.
“…he may not want to lose his drinking partner.” @Roga
What I just said above goes double for any girlfriend I had, because we were always partners in crime. Didnt want the party to be over. I’d actually be sad if whatevr GF I had didnt feel like getting smashed certain nights.
Hopefully, your spouse can come around to how much your sobriety means to you and how his support will greatly affect the outcome.
I had to drink myself into detox/rehab for friends and family to get the picture. Granted that was of my own doing, but I think many just brushed me off as a heavy drinker who got blackout sometimes. No harm there. Wrong. I became a round the clock drinker and wanted to die. Everyone got the picture after that and now all support my decision to stay sober.
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I’m in exactly the same situation … he told me I didn’t drink enough to be a problem … well we were drinking every night 5 beers/drinks a night … that’s CRAZY … he never intended to and has not stopped drinking … he said finally if you want to stop drinking … then stop !! I did … he still drinks. Makes me sad and feel like he really doesn’t care about even my health to say just keep drinking ??? Still hanging in there … I want this for me … working on myself for a change and it feels really good !! SMILE
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