Hi, I’m new here. I just recently ended a toxic relationship with an alcoholic. I still love him very much but I know that it’s time for me to move on and start taking my future seriously. I don’t think we can thrive with our lifes together and we needed to separate. I’ve got to stop wanting instant gratification and start thinking about how I want my life to end up. I started drinking more often throughout our relationships which then lead to using. I started using on the weekends as a social party thing. Shortly after I started using on weekdays and I’ve been using at least 1-2 times a week (sometimes more) for about 9 months now. I’ve tried to tell myself that I’m in control and I don’t have to do it yet end up getting it on friday and starting the cycle over. It’s depressing when you get to a point where you can’t trust yourself anymore. Your words you tell yourself don’t hold true so you loose hope in yourself. We should be able to count on ourselves more than anyone right? That’s when I realized I had a problem. I feel stuck mentally, spiritually, and financially. I know that it’s time to stop and make big changes in my life. Any tips on quitting?.
Sorry and congratulations on the break up. I know it hurts, you have a history, it wasn’t all bad, but you recognized the cons outweigh the pros. Consider that the first step in your recovery. If you intend to get and stay sober you cannot have people in your life that jeopardize that.
Your story of drugs and alcohol resonates through this community. Most of us have been in your shoes and we’ll lend support whenever necessary, but the real work to get sober is up to you. Take the time to heal yourself. Check out local AA and NA meetings. Find something to occupy the time you would usually spend drinking and using. Welcome to TS, you’re in good company.
I was in a similar position to yourself, but for me it ended with the end of the relationship and me drinking everyday while still working, redundancy followed then it was all day every day for over a yr ,finally i went and got help i just thought i could go get a grip on my drinking and get bck to how i normally was before i met my ex ,that didn’t happen i spent over a yr in and out of aa doing it my way ,i always ended up bck at were i had started off ,in a endless cycle, late last year i decided i had to give it up completely, i read on here all the time keep a diary read lots of books alcohol explained, quit like a woman, alan carrs easy way to quit alcohol, do zoom meetings, basically immersed myself in sobriety, not doing it my way ,and i feel free now ,i look at it completely differently now, its not easy but if you put in the work you can get there if you really want it
Welcome Maddie 
We have thread on the topic of loved ones who are addicted. Maybe you want to read around there. You also welcome to post and of course you can use it when you need a good rant on your (ex)relationship and your own feelings.
Give yourself time to heal, physically and emotionally. Stay sober and check out HALT. This helps me a lot.
Here is a wonderful thread about resources for recovery
Spend time and effort seeking outside help with your sobriety and stick with it. There are apps like this like and many support groups and tools available to you.
Sobriety is not easy and hard to do alone. See the posts from people who leave here and neglect their sobriety and end up back months later in a worse spot…
You are making a great personal decision…
Hi Maddy, and Welcome to TS!
Good for you for reaching out and asking for advice. That’s a 1st step.
I wrote a break-up letter to my ex, weed, and alcohol. I put my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and my anger in that letter. I expressed myself so deep that I ended the thoughts of them ever being in my life again. I deleted phone contacts of my ex, weed, and drinking “friends” and changed my number.
I also went into a treatment program and excepted counseling and therapy. I also attend AA meetings and read the Big Book. I even picked up Meditation (Mindful, prayer and sleep) I got myself back into church, starting walking more.
Break-up with your addiction in order to break the cycle. Mentally, physically and emotionally you will have that weight lifted off of you and be free from it. You have so much support and people who all understand the vindictive demons of addictions here. You are not alone. You can always be open here. Take charge and Stay strong
#godspeed 
Your story is very similar to mine. Thanks for much for sharing it. Grateful to be on this side and in recovery.
I just wanted to let everyone know who took the time to comment that I really appreciated it and it really did help! I have not touched Coke since I wrote this at 5am that night/morning. Its been 1 month and 5 days now that I have been clean! I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me and I am myself again! I no longer allow that drug to control my life anymore and it feels so freeing! I am becoming more financially stable again as well because I no longer BLOW my money anymore on shit that is not beneficial to my life. It actually wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Weekends kept going by where I wasnt using and I began to build more confidence in myself again! Everytime it might cross my mind which is actually not often I think about that last line and how irritable I would be and not being able to sleep stuffed up feeling like shit the next day, over sleeping. Now when I look at a night of doing coke I don’t see the fun in it, I don’t focus on that first line… I focus on that last line and I promise if you do that you’ll realize that it actually doesn’t seem like a fun time at all! Something you would rather not sign up for that night! Thanks again and I will continue on my journey of being free from this toxic drug. It did nothing but make my life toxic.
So glad you came back with the update. Congratulations!
Thank you!
Thanks for the update and congrats on 1 month and five days!!!