I’m going to Tampa in 2 weeks with my boyfriend to visit his old friends from when he lived there. I’m 21 and he’s 23. All people our age drink and all his friends are gonna want to do is go to the bar. I asked my boyfriend not to drink because it would make it hard on me. I also expressed my concerns of being in a bar and how tempting it would be. I was told to “suck it up” because he wants to see his friends and that’s where they’ll be. He also told me if I even touch alcohol again our relationship is over. I know this post makes him sound bad but he’s really not, he’s my best friend I just don’t think he understands it’s not that easy to have a water on the beach while everyone else has a Bahama mama or a beer or a margarita. He wants me to be sober so badly and so do I and yet I’m getting placed in the most tempting situation.
He’s now apologized for his wording and promised we don’t have to go to bars. So I’m thankful for that but still worried.
The ultimatum really hurt. He’s since agreed we don’t have to go to bars but still the words hit deep and sorry doesn’t take them away from my head. I’ve promised him I’ll take it day by day and do my best to stay sober but I can’t promise forever because I know the chances of relapse especially in the beginning. I can’t help but feel no matter what I do I’m going to lose him. Sobriety is a journey.
That’s an unhealthy relationship, if your in recovery and he thinks it’s ok to drink around you, and have no consideration for your feelings.
It’s going to be super tough on you just because he made the ultimatum. That’s a super extra stress on you. Hear me now or believe me later.
He did say he would be sober he just didn’t under at first why being in a bar would be so hard for me even with him staying sober with me. We’ve talked about it and he now gets it and is making new plans where alcohol isn’t even sold. So hopefully it’s going to be okay.
Just remember sobriety is your number 1 priority right now. Boyfriends might come and go, but you will always have yourself.
I am very aware of this, thank you 
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That’s a tough one pal. It’s so hard for a Normie (non alcoholic) to understand our struggle. To them it’s as simple as “if you don’t want to drink, then don’t drink”.
They just don’t get it. They don’t understand how fragile our sobriety is in the early times. It’s like a new born baby. It has to be constantly nurtured. It has to take priority over everything else in our lives. Or it will fucking die.
I have no doubt you boyfriend loves you. You just gotta help him as much as you can to understand. There are support groups like Al anon that cater to spouses of alcoholics. If that’s too much for him then he could at least Google their literature. It will help him understand a little of what you need from him. And what he needs from you.
Just try to remember on your vacation why you don’t drink. It may help to write it down and carry it around with you. Read it if you are craving. Read it before you pick up.
I know you can do this pal. Just talk to each other honestly. Make a plan.
Thank you! This really helps.
@Jennersmarie - the solution is Virgin cocktails. They look like the real thing but have no alcohol and just about everywhere serves them these days. You can feel part of things but without compromising your sobriety. The first time I seriously stopped these kept me sober for 2 years! Good luck and enjoy your holiday.
I will look into that! Thank you!