My partner and i are both sober, im 3.5 years, hes almost 1.5 years, we have actively tried to create a sober life for ourselves and our daughter…we tend toward family time and socialising/going out during the daytimes avoiding the obvious drinking culture more so on an evening, its a work in progress but has been working out great, however we had our first event we had to go to last Saturday gone…a black tie event for his company celebrating their 50th anniverysary as a company…it was really rather a posh affair.. ballgowns and the like, a lovely sit down meal and a live band, neither of us drank or wanted to but we both felt really out of place, although we smiled and laughed accordingly with his colleagues it felt very awkward somehow… i dont really know how to feel about it…i think id thought id enjoy it alot more than i did…i think i didnt partly because i dont feel like i belong in that world because of the poshness (if thats even a word) and because of the drinking all around me/us and feeling like i couldnt relax as much as everyone else could, almost in an envious way which i know is dangerous and i really dont like that almost to the point of feeling guilty for those thoughts…i feel like its knocked my confidence a bit…and i feel disappointed that we didnt enjoy it like i thought we would…i dont really know what im even asking im just venting i guess, so its not a secret in my head but any thoughts from you lovely folk would be greatly appreciated
First: It’s a huge step to attend such an event, stay on your sober path and give your best to enjoy it. Congrats 
Reading your post the following came to my mind: It’s our own expectations that hurt us.
Maybe you were expecting toooooo much from yourself, the both of you.
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Attending a posh event: When you are not used to this class of event, it is a bit frightening besides being excited. For me it is. And I love such fancy glamourous events and always feel out of place (because I am but I don’t care, long live the pink princess in me
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It was an obligation. Enjoying an obligation is something different as joining the same event because you want to and chose to do based on your own motivation.
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You are not used to go out in settings where the majority drinks alcohol. It’s something we accomodate to (if we choose to), but not in 1 evening and even more not in a setting that happens once in ages. Of course you feel awkward! I guarantee you, nobody noticed and nobody cared about what you drink. Self-perception often is vastly different from how others see us (if they even do).
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Expecting having a blast joyous evening given the circumstances was wishful thinking in my opinion. It’s ok, I stepped into this trap thousands of times and still do sometimes. No harm done. Maybe try to be content how it was, an exclusive night out with fancy dresses, good music and a marvellous dinner. Many people. You were together, you created memories of togetherness, you can smile and tell each other about that feeling a bit uncomfortable. I gurantee there were other people also feeling uncomfortable, insecure and faking a jolly relaxed time for whatsoever reason.
You did a great job, you created a night to remember, you can choose if such setting is something you wanna try out again, you can move on saying that’s not attractive to spend time on.
Enjoy what you enjoyed and forget the rest.
Just my 2 cent 
I’m sorry you feel your confidence was knocked. I feel like I would feel exactly the same in the situation. Poshness (def. a word!), colleagues that you sort of know, but not really, extended drinking… those things aren’t fun for me, and it sounds like for you too, and that’s ok! I absolutely prefer a little cafe, people I can relax around, etc. As for the drinking, if you look carefully you can always find someone sharing a bit too much, being a bit too cocky, spitting when they talk, etc, very few people are sultry and cool drunk. Just get what enjoyment you can from the situation, eating the food, admiring the fashion, etc, and don’t feel bad about it not suiting you.
Thank you @erntedank and @Misokatsu
I already feel alot better having read your replies…i am a master at piling pressure on myself to do certain things and in a certain way, i really am an extremely harsh self critic…i literally agonised before hand about how i would look, which dress to wear etc my already paper thin confidence on how i look also took a beating…i spiralled actually…spend far too much money on clothes, make up, shoes…you name it…all an addictions in itself in an effort to feel better but really all it did was apply even more pressure to enjoy it i think, ive been very honest with my partner about it all, hes been very understanding…i always seem to get this feeling like its only me that struggles with things like this, that everyone else has a great time and so somehow there is something wrong with me, that its my fault, im grateful to hear from friends that would also feel similarly, thank you.
I occasionally feel a little envious that other people can drink. Its sneaks in. Its just a reminder that even though I have some time. My inner alcoholic still tries to get me back.
I had a few of those moments during crab season. When one of them handed me a drink at a dinner I felt obligated to go to. I was disgusted by it and didn’t hesitate to refuse it.
Reflecting back on it now makes me proud of myself today.
I think you being concerned and sharing here shows how important recovery is to you.
Recovery for the win.
I love all the fantastic feedback so far and it seems spot on.
I too struggle with those times I am somewhere that is more posh than my usual…I get all squirrely as well. Lots of pressure and that perfectionism thing comes out and my self critic…eek, bad combo! Human!
As for socializing in general and having fun…it took me quite a while to build up to being okay with dancing up a storm again and feeling the flow. It didn’t happen immediately, I was probably a good 5 years into sobriety b4 I felt comfortable in my sober skin in a big drinking environment or even in gatherings not focused on drinking. I needed to have more exposure to get comfortable and build up my self confidence. And frankly, it is never like it used to be and that is okay and a good thing, because it used to be shit when I sobered up.
We put so much pressure on ourselves. Life is different now, we are different, and that is okay. We still have our insecurities and humanness and stuff to work thru.
I like what Jason said…
Yes! Recovery for the win!! 
Thank you @JasonFisher and @SassyRocks
It definitely helps to hear that you guys have had similar experiences too…my sobriety really does mean alot to me which is why ive come here to speak with you guys today, its hard to have those feelings that ive not had for a long time, that FOMO feeling really scares me…the feeling of almost not living a full life…i hate it i really do. I want to be happy in my sobriety but i guess like everything its not all sweetness and light at times, afterall it really was one of the first times ive been around alot of people drinking, strangers aswell apart from my partner, i think i just thought i was in a stronger place mentally than that, my sobriety was never in question but its how i felt about it that scares me
I know I want to feel comfortable in my skin and some situations I don’t. I still have that nervous feeling. Idk if it is FOMO but it is the knowing life is different now. I don’t ever want to go back to what was, and I do want to feel comfortable and safe in my own body. Idk if that is similar to what you felt.
I think it is normal to have all these emotions and maybe we sometimes think something is wrong with us for feeling the way we do. Idk. Just my thoughts.
Being aware is so important and you are aware.
Thank you Sassy, you have such a knack with being able to help me look a little deeper inside myself…so i was just driving to go collect my daughter from school thinking about what everyone has said today…i came up with this…maybe this isnt actually about the drinking at all its about how i feel socially and in my own skin…other than a couple of times of being around drinking only with close people this is the first real social event ive ever been to in my life with lots of drinking without drinking myself, without a comfort blanket to help me with just how much confidence i lack in these situations, the drinking was always that for me and so i never actually healed myself i just numbed it at the time, each time i needed to…i think its confidence that needs ALOT of work now
I think this is worth investigating. It was for me. As a woman, I had a lot of discovery to do in the area of self confidence and self esteem. 
Absolutely, i do not want to think that all of this uncomfortableness is because i cannot drink
Sassy always has great insight and shared experiences.
I’ve been to a few bougie events since getting sober and I wouldn’t be sad if I never went to another. 
I knew people at the ones I’ve attended and I was still extremely uncomfortable and awkward. I don’t think anyone noticed though because the drinks were heavily flowing.
I’ve ended up sitting by myself at various times during the night because everyone got up to mingle and socialize. That’s when I scroll on my phone so I don’t look so lonely to others (not that they care).
Every single time, I have a ton of thoughts trying to come up with the best excuse to leave early. That’s difficult too because I don’t want people following up with me later asking about the outcome. Totally against me living an honest sober life, but sometimes I need to find an out before my anxiety gets the best of me. There’s no better feeling than getting home sober, putting on jamies and snuggling in a blanket.
My self esteem tanked after getting sober because I put on weight and aged. This is a work in progress and probably will be the rest of my life.
Not once have I thought about drinking. Probably because I know I’d make a fool of myself if I did. In the end, I’d rather go through the uncomfortable feelings sober than the shit show that ensues when I’m drunk.
Anyway, I don’t have advice - just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. Big hugs to you friend.
I can relate to a lot of this.
Thank you so much Lisa that is also very helpful to know that im not alone in feeling this way, i had another talk to Adam my partner last night about it too, he felt very similar aswell, we did have each other and spoke about the awkward feeling at the time aswell, we did leave early…kind of when we felt it was appropriate to go without it seeming like we literally had our meal then bailed, it was around 10.30pm i think, we agreed that we just dont find that world appealing anymore…and thats ok xx