Are you secretly from the UK? I’d never heard anyone outside of our vulgar shores use that one.
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I want to be.
Actually heard that first time from a lady from Manhattan Beach CA. She was a Laker Girl and my Pilates instructor 
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First time I heard C U next Tuesday used as a euphemism I was in the backseat of a police cruiser at age 15 (for loitering in a picnic spot). Police were referencing me and my girl friend.
@Starlight14 , I am sorry things are so rough with your Mom. I went thru hard times with my Mom when I was much younger and I know how painful and confusing that can be. I think my adult daughter likely feels the same. Wishing you some clarity and peace. Many hugs. 
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OMG I feel like a kid when the parents are spelling words so I don’t know what they are saying. Off Topic .. we spell out F L E A M E D in front of our Dog but she knows now what we are talking about… ok enough about me…
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Here again….i added boundaries with my mother and good few weeks ago….i asked would she not just come to my home without texting to check its ok first….she said she doesn’t think she should have to ‘make an appointment’ first but ok…she will ‘stop being such a nuisance’ and that i ‘must get a kick out of being horrible’ the first 2 weeks she didnt come but I think she just wasn’t speaking to me because of my request….then she was away on holiday for a week….I text and said I hope she enjoyed her holiday….since then there’s not been alot of contact until yesterday….shes still a grandmother to my daughter and she had picked her up from school as my car was being fixed…I invited her in this time and we had a light chat and a cup of tea, it actually was nice….after she left I sent a text saying id enjoyed our chat and reiterated that I was never being horrible to her that I just wanted more of my own space….I was trying to smooth things over because I dont want her to feel bad and i hate the big white elephant that was sotting in the room with us, the pretence…she said that she feels like shes a nuisance and that im holding her at arms length…I am but I cant talk to her about it because she gets defensive and attacks, I tell her its just about needing my own space especially if im feeling anxious which I have done lately I think because of hormones….she tells me well I wont come so you dont have to feel anxious then and dont start this up again Kelly because you stress me out…again I tell her im not trying to argue with you mum….Just leave it Kelly! So im the bad person again apparently…..
Please can I have some help guys??
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Thank you for your support it means alot xx
I think the worst/hardest part of all of this is the fact that it makes me question who I am as a person…it always has….if your own mother is telling you your horrible…eludes that your incapable of making your own decisions, criticises even small decisions….that your selfish and unreasonable for wanting certain boundaries then who am I? That’s what hurts, really hurts when I try so hard to be what I deem a caring and compassionate person
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I have experienced the same with my mom. She acts as if boundaries are a personal attack on her and we have struggled with this for 20 years. There was a point in my life where I considered going no contact but like you I love my mother despite our relationship and feel like I can’t just cut her out so our relationship is now what I can handle. I am still figuring it out but my life with her in it is a little more peaceful now. I had to realize that I expected to much of her. She was never going to be the mom I wanted or needed. I usually text her so that I have proof of our conversations and I never spend time with just her and I. I read the book “Let Them” by Mel Robbins and shared it with her although she didn’t see how it applied to her 
I also remind myself that even though she doesn’t like my boundaries they are good for me and she is going to have to live with them. She can not change me just as much as I can’t change her. Do what works for you.
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Thank you so much, big hugs back to you also friend xx
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Thank you, your right that I cant change her, it hurts though doesnt it, it makes me question who I am…am I this person that she makes me out to be or am I the person I think I am? Y know? When its your own mother saying these things it hurts xx
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It absolutely does! I am so sorry and I 100% know the feeling. Hugs 
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Thank you and thank you for the hugs xx
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I also just ordered the Let Them book, hopefully it can help me too….im sick of feeling hurt and confused by this so thank you for the suggestion xx
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I hope it helps! I really like it. I marked a bunch of pages to go back and reference when I need to.
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Il come back and let you know what i think if you like? I’m sorry you’ve been through similar but its also comforting to know that people understand what its like xx
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Yes, that would be great. It is nice to know there are others that understand!
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I am glad to see you setting up healthy boundaries. It is not an easy task of setting the. Up and just having them in place. I know from my experience that it takes time and many trials to get things running smoothly.
- we (especially our parents and their generation) can’t change habits and routines over night
- boundaries make the other party feel attacked even if that is not the intention. This is not in you to fix…the other party I believe will come around as daily actions will show that they are not being attacked. Like what you did by following up with your mom after your chat. It will take time …actions have more of an impact than words.
Hope things get better soon my friend…these things can take some time. Stay positive Kelly. You are in no way a bad person. Much love
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Thank you dear Jazz, that’s all a great help…im stuck between a rock and a hard place….I either put up with her constant criticism and try to ignore her words that really hurt me (which i have actually tried to do for years) or effect these boundries which is a new approach….there are so many things im angry about….my upbringing, the fact that she didnt protect me as a child from my abusive stepfather, her manipulation and jealousy but if I ever try to bring these things up she tells me im wrong and so it can never be resolved….i really feel my only choice now are the boundries and keeping my distance to protect myself because there’s nowhere left to go, i need to be ok for me, my family and my sobriety xxxxx
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I’m sorry that your mom is being so defensive and not listening or being open to work through the issues.
You for sure need to protect yourself and your own family. Know you are making the right decision with setting up healthy boundaries and hopefully things will improve in time with your mom. For now ..it’s all about your own sobriety and journey and healing old wounds…others will just have to understand and respect your boundaries 
Always so lovely to hear from you. Really do wish you all the best 
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Thank you Jasmine that means alot, I think the issue lies in the fact that she will not admit any kind of fault on her part and so I have no way of resolving anything with her, sadly she cares more for being ‘in the right’ than for my feelings and our relationship.
Im sad, really sad that I have to do this because I still love her.
Always lovely to speak with you too Jasmine, I do hope you are well, sending my love to you xxx
Thank you xxxx
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I’m sorry love - yes this is very sad. We only have so much time and its sad to see so much wasted in this way. I totally get it about loving your mom and yet needing to protect yourself.
Thank you for the love! I am doing well and excited to be closing in on year 3
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