Very very severe level of porn and masturbation addiction

I can’t even go a day without breaking. Heck not even hours. I am THAT vulnerable right now to masturbation and porn. My addiction is so severe that the thought of something sexual can come to my mind almost instantly at random times, even when doing productive work. When that happens, my addiction inside me is automatically triggered and then there is no way back because my addiction is on autopilot. Once I ejaculate, I would suddenly come back to my senses. I’m not even joking, the feeling is as if I just snapped out of a demonic possession. I would feel guilty and vow to not do it again. Then in the next few hours, at random I started to suddenly have thoughts of porn and sex. My autopilot addiction kicks in and the cycle starts again and again. Any help for a person with a very, very severe addiction like mine? I just need someone to check up on me please. I beg of you. I want out of this vicious cycle.

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I have the same addiction. It’s not easy to break the cycle. You sound like you need a strict program though. Are you working a program?

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I also have a porn/sex addiction. It sounds like you have the opportunity to be alone at any time, if so find someone to call whenever you need. To might want to look into a residential recovery program.

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No. I am all by myself in this journey to recovery. I can’t afford recovery programs. I am so vulnerable because at any moment a random filthy thought would come to mind and I get triggered. Also since I live by myself, as soon I enter my house and shut the door, I get triggered all of a sudden. When I am triggered, it is hard to fight the voice that tells you to do porn and my mind could not gather the strength to listen to the voice to get away and not be alone. Suffice to say that I can be ambushed by my addiction at any moment. Any tips?

I can’t afford programs. Also it is very very hard to fight the voice that tells you to enjoy porn. I try to listen to the voice that tells me to not be alone but I don’t have the strength to give up the evil voice. So I succumb to the evil voice everytime. Safe to say I am such a critical level of porn sex and masturbation addiction. You have no idea how much I want to leave this dark abyss

What do you mean, you cant afford programs? Sexaholics Anonymous is free. The Addiction Recovery Program through The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is free. No-Fap is free. Pick something and do it. Get a sponsor. It’s free. Dont try to do this alone.

As for your talk about it being really hard. I know, we are all in the same boat as you. I used to be there as well. As soon as I got back to my apartment I was immediately triggered. Essentially, dont think your addiction is special.

So, what’s stopping you from finding a program?

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I have to agree, going it alone is a recipe for disaster. Even if you did find a way to combat the urges alone, you’re still trying to solve the problem in your own head. It would only be a matter of time before your addict found a way to decide you and rationalize a relapse.

I go to SA, been sober a year, couldn’t recommend it more.

This forum is also a safe place, I encourage you to come here not only when you feel like you’re in trouble but also when you’re having a good day. Join in the community. The measure you give is the measure you get back.

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If course it’s hard to “not listen to that voice” if it was easy it wouldn’t be called an addiction. Ok so you can’t afford an in patient program find another, I’ve been in SLAA for over 3 years. It comes down to what you’re willing to do to get and stay sober, are you willing to do whatever it takes?

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Awaiting your reply, @Ryangreat

Hey brother. I wanna thank everybody for reaching out to me. I am taking things second by second, hour by hour, etc. I admire your support for me and I really hope you can check in on me everyday. I will also discipline myself to stay connected with everybody on here on a constant basis. What I mean by not being able to afford going to a recovery program is that I live in Singapore and we do not have free programs like those in the US. Everything is a paid consultation. So I have to battle this addiction alone

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Thank you Mike! Recovery programs in Singapore (where I live) are not free. Any kind of program really is charged. So I am by myself in this journey. I will do my best to always stay connected to this community of wondeful people who have a common goal of empowering each other to change for the better. I truly appreciate and love the support from you and the others. So far I am doing great, though everyday there are always things around me that try to trigger me. Thankfully I am able to just shift my mind to something else immediately when I encounter a ‘stimulus’. So I hope to keep going strong as each day progresses

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I don’t know about the other programs, and I’m not sure where you live in Singapore, but SA does have meetings there. See link:

https://sites.google.com/site/sasingapore/find-a-meeting

And if none of their meeting times work for you, there are also phone meetings worldwide. I rely on those when I travel for work and they’re fantastic.
Phone meeting info:
https://www.sa.org/meetings_phone/

As a last resort, reach out to the SA chapter in Singapore and offer to start a new meeting. If they’re anything like the chapters in the US, they will help you on that path.

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I also know that the LDS Services Addiction Recovery Program is offered worldwide and you can download the workbook online. You may not have someone to talk to for free, maybe, but you have resources out there aside from white knuckling it, until the next relapse.

SLAA also has a group in Singapore
Monday, Thursday, Saturday | SLAA Singapore (edit)
ID: 20824877
MEETING TIME(S): 8:00pm Mon - Thu and 10:00am Sat
GROUP LOCATION NAME: Please contact group for locations
Singapore
WEBSITE: Visit Website
EMAIL: slaa.singapore@gmail.com
PHONE: +65 9067 6942
OPEN/CLOSED MEETING: Closed Meeting (Only those identifying with sex and love addiction may attend)
LANGUAGES SPOKEN: English
LAST MODIFIED: November 21, 2016

If in person meetings won’t work they also have phone and online meetings https://slaafws.org/meetings

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Thank you for finding those for me. You are truly a saint! How can there be a love addiction? Lol

Addictions comes in all forms. It’s not always from poor choices though, often it’s because of personal traumas one has experienced.

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From a need to be in a relationship even though it is at the expense of your health, emotional stability, other relationships, having to get your validation from others. It’s actually much more common than you think, and can be very serious.

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