Victim mentality at church?

1

Hey guys, I feel like this question is an oxymoron of sorts, but I’m a christian and have been my whole life basically. I’ve noticed that in the 2 years I was sober and attending church, I was constantly in the victim mentality. Always feeling bad for myself, always feeling like I was “broken” and needed “saving” by God and everyone else. The pastor and I (whose been my pastor for half my life) got into a falling out after I relapsed because of all the help he’s given me and blah blah blah. So I stopped attending church and I’ve felt better. I’m happy, more focused on self care in a fun way, not as a means to keep me alive.

Don’t get me wrong, I still believe in God and don’t think this is a reflection on the church as a whole, but has anyone else experienced this before? Maybe it’s the pastor himself. And not necessarily him putting me in that mindset, but maybe our relationship is just not vibing whatsoever and became toxic? Idk.

Any insight would be great. :heart:

3 Likes
2

Churches are made up of people, and people are flawed. Read all those letters the Apostle Paul sent to the churches he himself planted. Some of them were experiencing issue that at the root were people doing people things.

I’m not sure admission that one is spiritually broken and acceptance of grace as the means to cover this brokenness, constitutes a “victim mentality”.

Maybe it was your pastor’s very human disappointment with your relapse, or maybe it’s the fact that this particular congregation has been home for so long, that has you feeling spiritually restless.

Maybe check out a different congregation, one where you can get a fresh start?

Praying for you.

3 Likes
3

I was pretty upset especially when my pastor wouldn’t marry my husband and I because we lived together even though I get it…but I was heartbroken.I still strongly believe in god. I think maybe put some distance between you and the pastor and still going for the message or even try a different church.

2 Likes
4

I think I might’ve mixed my points.
I’m not saying being broken is what I was calling victim mentality, but whenever I leave church, I’m sad and anxious. Like being there enables the mentality that “I’m broken and an addict, therefore I need these people to help me and love me back to health.” It’s no one’s fault but my own, but ever since I stopped going, I’ve stopped pitying myself. I’ve also started drinking again but since I’ve left that mentality, I’ve been so much better. Like being in that environment just kept reiterating the fact I’m an addict and it kept me in a woe is me kinda state. It was a constant reminder and I felt like I had to rely on them to keep me afloat. But since I left, I no longer feel that way. Like a weight has been lifted

5

Ah…I see. Maybe focus more on the gift grace, and less on sins that can only be covered by grace?

If I were to sit and tell 10 people my entire life story, I believe that most would judge me a pretty decent human being. They would likely conclude this, because they are using their own lives as the yardstick for measurement. We do the same, when measuring ourselves. This is how human society works…including the churches that are a reflection of the people within.

And yet, I can sit and ponder every intentional error I’ve ever made, every act or thought of anger, hate, lust, greed, selfishness, idolatry, covetousness, etc, and conclude that I am a lousy person. Why? Because I am using my creator’s yardstick.

Build a perfectly designed boat, clean efficient lines, draft and draw, and launch it into an imperfect sea. Over time the hull becomes fouled with barnacles, the sails tattered and torn, the decks caked with brine. If left on its current course, it will eventually flounder, the keel will break, and it will sink.

The only answer to this, is to haul it back onto land, scour off the barnacles and muck, paint the hull, swab the decks, and hoist new canvas.

Will the boat ever be as physically perfect as the day it was launched? No. Some patches from previous storms will remain. And yet, the boat is once again sea worthy. The thing about patches is, if done right, they are actually stronger than the rest of the hull.

For me, church is that port I call upon, where I am hauled on shore, scoured clean, painted and refitted, by the hands of a master carpenter. The patches He applies are called GRACE, and are so strong they can’t be pulled off by the strongest of waves, or the sharpest of rocks. For every crack and hole, His grace is sufficient.

Peace. I hope this helps, and wish you well on your refit and voyage.

6

Just read your thread here. I believe in the doctrine that we are saved by grace after all that we can do. God’s not going to just give people free tickets into His presence for saying they believe. They have to say it and mean it, which means that their actions have to fall in line as well.