It’s been 18 days. And I’ve been good up until now. We are going on a trip next Thursday to NJ to see friends and I want to drink with them. Not excessively. Just a couple glasses. But I know I can’t. I just want to cry. Why can’t I be like my mother in law. Where she literally only has a glass and doesn’t drink anymore. Please encourage me.
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Life has so much more to offer than whatever you might find at the bottom of a glass of poison.
If you were like your mother in law, you wouldn‘t care to have that glass. This sadness you feel now, this feeling like you are loosing a friend, that is your addiction saying goodbye.
If you weren‘t addicted to this poison you wouldn‘t be sad that you can‘t have a glass.
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It’s good that you know you can’t. That is what makes you strong. Having the knowledge and conviction that alcohol gets a grip and makes you weak. Have a fizzy drink or cup of tea and no one will notice and if they do just tell them you are trying to change. Anyone who loves you will supoort you.
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You can’t. I can’t. It’s not fair, but it is reality. Do your friends know you are sober? If not, perhaps you should tell them. I imagine they will understand and probably avoid activities centered around alcohol.
Believe me, I think every alcoholic has wanted to be able to drink like a normie at some point. But we all know from our experiences that it doesn’t work that way for us.
Plan ahead to anticipate situations where it might be second nature to drink and have your sober options figured out.
I have about the same time as you do, but I haven’t been ready to put myself in a situation where friends are drinking. Just remember why you value your sobriety, and know that we are here to help.
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I have told them and they are super super supportive and actually proud of me. We planned this trip bc I decided to get sober. We are celebrating Purim (Jewish holiday) and they are throwing a party at their house. So I know they will be drinking, however I would never expect anyone to not drink just bc of me 
I’ll stay strong and keep my oath I made for myself. It just sucks. Just as you know.
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Yes!!! I plan on having lots of coke zeros and hot tea. That’s what I’ve been drinking at home.
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I say cry! It’s a big life change and not doing the things you used to do is a big deal. You should process those emotions.
Remember, you always have us whenever you need!
One tip I have, and it’s more of a process, so it may or may not be of immediate help, but when I changed my relationship with alcohol, I no longer had the desire to drink, even with friends.
My process is written here: Change your Relationship with Alcohol
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It is awesome that you reached out for help! For me if I try to do things alone without support tjey dont go all that well!
Not sure if you’re in AA but get some women’s numbers and call them if you start to feel tempted.
Also think about how you’re going to feel after the weekend . Do you want to to feel happy that you made it through or sad/angry you gave in and drank?
You got this!!!
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Here’s where you get to practice changing your thinking and your attitude. It doesn’t suck to be sober on this trip, it is a remarkable blessing to be able to enjoy your family, to celebrate your recovery, and to be open to the love and encouragement they offer.
Our attitudes about drinking are rooted in falsehoods that are contrary to reality. “If only I could drink ‘normally’” is one manifestation of that - the reality is that we always overdrink. Always. And the best way, the only way really, to change the overdrinking is to know that it is the first drink, the first sip, that leads to drunkenness every time. The reality is that we are in very good shape without that drink. We are warm and fed and surrounded by people who love us. We are okay right now. We expect to be okay the rest of today and tomorrow. Not drinking is not “missing out” - not drinking is the only chance to become who we could be.
Edit to add:
I saw this on another thread and thought of you @Mrs15 right away.
**
Your obsession with the why is an avoidance of what is.
**
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Thanks for this, Dan. This is a great perspective.
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Well if theyre having Manischewitz like my grandmother on Purim youre not missing anything 
In all seriousness tho, its so wonderful that your friends are celebrating your sobriety and making an event out of it. To drink would ruin that special treat, and your friendships mean so much more than a drink. You will remember every awesome moment of it 
Not to mention you know what will happen (maybe not right away, but eventually) and how you will feel if you drink. What kept me sober today was thinking about the worst thing that happened because of my drinking, and remembering that if I have that first drink, at a party or alone, eventually something even worse will happen because im an alcoholic. Now and forever. It sucks sucks sucks, ive been very resentful myself recently and had a relapse partly because of it. So dont let the frustration trick you into drinking.
Good on you for coming here for support ahead of time 
i believe in you!
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I don’t want to rain on your parade Mrs15, but this plan sounds self destructive. You are in your first sober month and wishing you could be a normal drinker. So you are planning to go to a drinking party(on a holiday that encourages drunkenness) where your friends will be drinking to celebrate your sobriety?
Maybe put yourself to the test before this by going to your local bar for a few hours over the next couple of days and see how you feel.
I am really concerned for your wellbeing if I am understanding this scenario correctly.
- Kindly, your friend Solar
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When tou tough this one out its going to be the greatest feeling. It’ll also show you that its not so bad and it can be done. Flexing the sober muscle has been something i enjoyed lately. Commit tonthis one and see how it feel. Trust me.
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I really appreciate your concern! I love this community for this exact reason. However, I can’t make people not drink because of me. This is my
Journey and I can’t push that on only people. I know I’m not going to drink bc internally I don’t want to. Just like someone mentioned it’s the breaking up part. I know if I had a drink I would be so so upset with myself. So that itself motivates me. I’ve been around drinking since then and honestly it truly Is a flex line someone else said I can’t wait to prove to myself that I can do this!
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Yes yes yes!!! I’ve already thought about this. How amazing it’s going to feel! And il going to be a lot more fun!
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Are you Jewish too?!!
They aren’t celebrating my sobriety with this. They already had this event planned! It’s also on my daughter’s 9th birthday!! Even more reason to not drink in my opinion. 
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Wow! All this is so amazing and so encouraging!! I’m going to copy and paste this in my notes to reference.
If it helps, you can find some nice, inexpensive sparkling grape juice, red or white. Pour it in a wine glass, and you are undercover sober. It might let you participate more without drinking.
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I thought about that!! My friend actually has nonalcoholic wine she drinks in outings. I know some people are super against it.
I think that’s an individual choice. If you have even the slightest worry that it’s a slippery slope, avoid it. It’s not worth risking your sobriety. If you do try it, that’s cool. It’s not a slip. But you will want to be vigilant in case it does make you think about drinking. I suggest specifically telling your husband and another friend that they are “on call” in case you need them. But that’s only my two cents.