Was anyone terrified of giving up alcohol?

Advice & Questions
39

Made me tear up too :heart:

In my last year of drinking, there was no question that things were spiraling down fast and it was affecting my health. Very, very badly. I remember the look of incredulity in my doctor’s eyes when he saw some of my annual physical results. My mom had expressed concern a few years back, even before things escalated. I live far away, and I’m very good at keeping a “normal” appearance. But I know how she and my dad worried about me. To the point that I said to them, at the end of an argument: “Stop worrying about me, I’m not going to die from becoming an alcoholic!”

Well.

I could either make a change or I was going to break that promise. And that was going to break the hearts of my entire family.

I saw my parents over Christmas and New Years and it was the first tine in 20 years I didn’t have a drink. They didn’t say anything. They didn’t need to. It was a very, very special time for all of us.

I remember vividly just about one year ago how terrifying it was to think of not drinking ever again. I used that to celebrate, cope with emotions, with a bad day, with anger, to relax, to start the weekend, to start the week, to finish the night, to have a special brunch, to party, to happy hour, to vacation, to be with friends, to be with family…even to SLEEP…and then to pull that rug from under me and tell me that I could not drink?? Seemed so scary, so impossible.

I’ll repeat what everyone else already said: don’t commit to forever. Forever is impossible and it doesn’t exist. Just commit to not drinking today. And probably not drinking tomorrow. That’s all. You can cope with today. You can take a walk, call a friend, go to bed early. Have some ice cream. Take a long bath. Cry if you feel like it. Exercise. Punch a pillow. Read a book. Meditate. There are a lot of tools to help you re-learn how to cope with life without a crutch.

I’m so happy I’m doing this. I know that if you put in the effort, you will, too :heart:

PS: Listening to recovery audiobooks helps me immensely. I’d suggest “This Naked Mind” to start with.
Listening to “We are the Luckiest” now. It helps to know that we all go through the same process. Congrats on day 5 and keep going!

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40

I haven’t drank in 67 days. Drabk for about 18 years everyday. I never would have thought i would have made it this far. After about 3 weeks you will feel better. Ull have urges here and there. But you have to just say to yourself (make it til tomorrow just make it til tomorrow) after about 40 days the urges are further apart. Now at 67 days I only get urges during social events. I hope you the best of luck. You will apprciate life and have alot more energy if you can quit for about 30-40days. Journal everyday. So you can look back. And see how you felt. Or you will forget.

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41

I second that. :pray:

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42

I can totally relate…

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Hey everyone. I’m beginning day 8. I’m sorry for not personally responding to each and every one of you individually. I’ve been feeling crappy and weak (mainly from not being able to eat very much), but I’m progressively feeling a little better day by day. I’m eating small, healthy meals when I can and staying hydrated. I think my blood sugar was really low, so I’m sucking on Pedialyte popsicles like a child lol.

My emotions are still everywhere, but I’m taking the advice of everyone to just make it through the day. I’ve had brief moments/periods of hopefulness for the future, where I’m not freaking out about leaving alcohol behind.

It DOES feel like a breakup. I’m going through the stages…sadness and lots of anger mainly at the moment.

I’ve never FULLY jumped into sobriety. I’ve always kinda half-assed it. So, this time around. I’m actually taking advice and utilizing it. I’ve been opening up and asking for help, talking to a counselor, journaling, walking every morning, meditating, and I’m gonna start reading all the QuitLit books I’ve bought over the last couple years or several months that are gathering dust.

I’m also trying to remember what I enjoyed doing before drinking became my main hobby. I miss reading books, doing crafts, jogging, and being out in nature more.

Something else I’ve realized is that I need people around me right now. Otherwise I overthink and spend too much time in my own head. My instinct is to self-isolate from the world, so I am forcing myself to reach out and not be alone.

I’ve never been to in-person meetings, but my “homework” assignment from my counselor is to go to a local one within the next week. Groups and being the “newbie” scare the shit out of me, so that’s a challenge, but I’m gonna do it.

Thank you again everyone from the bottom of my heart for all the kind, thoughtful and heartfelt responses. I don’t think I’d be making it through without all the support. :heart::heart::heart:

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44

Congrats on the 8 days Gen.
It was definitely like grieving a break up with a trusted friend for me and “My Booze.” I took lots of hot showers during the day with lots of tears. And many angry power walks with Eminem.

While your reading around the quit lit. Dan started a cool thread. Don’t know if you’ve seen it or not.

And there are lots of threads about going to that first meeting if you search :mag: for it on here. I loved @Pica story. She drove by the meeting one night. She sat in the parking lot the next night. I think she got out of the car the 3rd night. Not sure when she finally got in but she did it. And she found her home.

I hope you’re well @Pica and I hope you don’t mind me sharing your story. Drop a cat and dog pic when you got a chance.

Her story helped me get into my meeting.
Keep up the great work. This shit is hard. We got your back.
:pray::heart:

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45

I too was terrified. I had used alcohol for FIFTY years before admitting I am an alcoholic.
Yes it was terrifying in the early days.
I now realize if i had kept using it to cope with life I would be dead by now. It still haunts me but I’ve been sober for 3 years and 7 months today thanks to AA.
IT DOES GET EASIER…
If I can do it anyone can!
We do this TOGETHER :blue_heart:

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Congrats on 3 yrs and 7 months! @GentleWarrior

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Thank you so much @Dazercat! I’ll definitely check those out. :blush::pray:

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Wow, 50 years is a long time. I’m glad you’re still with us Congratulations on your nearly 4 year sobriety! And thank you! :pray:

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More terrified of a life with alcohol, that fear of what happens if I pick one up now is keeping me sober.

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Yes it was very hard for me since I drank every time I went anywhere or hung out with friends I feel like now I low key have anxiety. I have been sober for about 12 days and was in uni due to an overdose

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Welcome @Jaimielynn! This place is awesome. I’m glad you’re here. :blush:

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Truthfully the opposite kind of happened to me, I was so terrified of where alcohol was leading my life I ran away from it. I definitely have had days with cravings but I always recall what it did to me and how it threatened my life and I make the choice to turn away from it. I can understand where you’re coming from based on what you described and my experience from using alcohol as a coping mechanism especially for failed relationships. The good news is you’re in the right place! I’m really glad you’re here and hope you stay strong and take it one day at a time!

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53

Yes. It was so strange to not have any alcohol in me that I felt like I was legit having a psychotic break from being so aware. With no drunk haze, life was almost like sensory overload. I’m on day 69 now and the first month was a rollercoaster, with it calming down towards the middle of the second one.

I also had a feeling of like “what is the point of everything” not in a suicidal way but like a deep boredom and lack of awe way. Everything was fun when drinking, and I felt like now everything was just missing a sparkle. If that happens, know it seems to pass quickly and be replaced with a nice calmness that you can just enjoy normal simple things. But it’s scary as hell and really shocking if you aren’t usually thinking like that.

I hope you’re feeling better now and sticking with it. You’re gonna feel like you’re on a shaking bridge, but just try to get thru the fear with support from others and know that something worth it is on the other side of it all. You got this.

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I high key felt the anxiety. I had no idea how much the alcohol was masking it. I bet a lot of others feel that way too so thanks for bringing it up.

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Thank you soo much I just need support I’m glad I found this app

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I know it’s so crazy to think how much I relied on alcohol. I feel like I’m less talkative when I’m with my friends now. I’m taking neltrexone now to help me with the cravings and I can say it has really helped me.

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Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.

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Thank you! Yes! I feel that sort of weird unreality of reality without alcohol. I was either at work sober and distracted or drinking. Not a whole lot in-between. I’m staying strong and trying to take it day by day.

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