Wavering Back and Forth on Step One

Logically, I know I have a problem. I know that I have more than a problem because if I was just a problem drinker, I would be able to drink socially once my problems had been dealt with. I can’t. I know that. No matter how much I try and force myself to moderate or to just be “normal” I can’t.

But then I’ll think to myself, no I’m not really an “alcoholic”. Eventually, I will be able to be ok. This is silly, what am I even doing.

But I know in my heart that’s not true. It’s just flat out not true.

Why is this so difficult to accept!!!


It’s the label. You have a problem with alcohol, i.e. the problem isn’t you. Why or how it started is up to you to address, but that is easier with a clear sober mind.


Its an addictive drug, that’s the issue. It causes a chemical imbalance in your brain that causes you to want more. Thats it really.


I found it difficult to accept the commonly loaded word. At its base it was much clearer: If I drink, I drink more. When this happens it interferes with my life and those around me.

The magnitude of what that means today for any given person may differ dramatically. For me at the time, it meant mostly that I felt alone. Life was otherwise great in every practical sense. As good as it was, in my heart there was despair. I realized I was losing myself in drink out of fear and surrendering ground everyday. It was in me to let this go on forever. Unless I didn’t.

When I understood where it was going and accepted this truth of self, I knew I did not want another drink. I needed another way, a better way.

And that was fucking exciting.


Eventually you’ll be okay, because you don’t drink.

Step 1 is basically admitting to yourself that when you drink you have no control over yourself.
You lose control of your emotions, you lose control of your conscience, you lose control of your physical and mental health.


Only you can make that decision if you have a drink problem ,no one else will tell you ,if you accept that you have a drink problem and are willing to do something about it maybe go to meeting see how you get on , but if you think you can drink socially then its up to you. if your unhappy with your drinking then stop drinking wish you well


Yeah, just drop the labels. Personally, I hate labels in general I feel they hold back from my full potential. In my obsessive mind, I will Iinger to that concept of the label, and let it hold me in hostage (I’ll think about it constantly!). I’m not sure you noticed, but addiction is subjective to the person you talk to. I hear many difference in perception on the concept. If you drink 3 beers every night, or if you drink a case just on the weekend… depending who you ask your an alcoholic! So, the true answer can only be answered inside of you!

I knew I was drinking way to much, when I realized it was time to put the bottle down. My friends, were like why? It got to the point where it was no longer fun, it was affecting the way I wanted to live my life. It became hibitual to grab a drink when I walked in the door and during certain activities.

Back to the label things. My father told me I would always be “useless”… I wasn’t worth the shoes I was walking-in. Super “poor” as a kid, with an alcoholic father and all the BS that came along with it… He even asked me when I was 12 yrs old if I thought I was better than him? Of course I had said “yes”! Your a drunk and I’ll never be that. Little did I know, it was right around he corner for me… I have a little more respect and understanding of the disease now that I fought through it myself. Any case, I don’t know if my drunk father gave me a complex. However, him calling me “useless” lit a fire… I found motivational in the words, and told myself I’d never be useless! I make decent money, and have four degrees… I’ve fought wars/conflicts around the world. Embraced the suck as we called it in the Military, and know how shitty things can be in parts of the world you don’t understand until you live there for a time…

Lol, guess I started rambling!

—Moral of the story

You don’t have to accept labels, even if it’s true! You just have to be better than you were yesterday, and make a goal with a purpose. If you see yourself sliding, don’t blame anyone but yourself, but find away to keep moving forward.