We accepted an offer on our house today and I told my husband we needed to make the decision whether to stay together or not as we need to start looking for a house/houses to rent and he has said he doesn’t think we can make it work and we should look for a house each, I have been expecting this for some time due to the way he has been treating me since I quit drinking 4 months ago but now it’s finally been said I am just terrified and devastated 
can’t sleep and no idea how I am going to deal with it 
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It hurts like nothing else. But if you can leave the alcohol alone you can deal with this. Just remember not to go back to that crutch. I’m going through the same thing after 23 years of marriage it sucks. But know that you have support here!
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So sorry…
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I went to an aa meet tonight so as not to drink 
sorry @Chad_R that you are going through it too
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I’m so sorry. You tried your best. Perhaps this is the best.
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That was a great choice @Jasmine69 It takes a lot of meetings for me too. We only have 3 a week here so I do what I can. And I’ve got to the acceptance stage of it (I think) and it’s for the best probably. I hope you have some friends that you can lean on!
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I have been in a failed relationship for years with the only common bond being our 2 kids. I know i should walk out but know i wont unless she really pushes me to leave. Maybe a kick in the butt is the motivation you need to start afresh.
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Thanks all, I have a few friends that have really been there for me and I will be ok eventually I know it deep down but it’s just this time now where I feel I can’t cope and it’s all just too painful to contemplate, I want someone (him?)to put their arms around me and say they love me and will look after me but I know that’s not happening this time and I have to deal with that!
I feel like he left the relationship 3 months ago when he withdrew his support of me not drinking and I have been fooling myself really, telling myself that it’s going to be fine and he will come round when all the time I’ve known this would be the outcome!
I am going to focus all my energy on finding somewhere to live, start MY new life NOW because I have to for my sanity, he said last night that he didn’t want to discuss it yesterday and thought we would just go along as we had been for a while in case the house sale takes a few months to go through and I was like WTF? Did he intend to just play happy famillies till then?? I can’t live a lie for much longer and I want my son to know what’s happening as soon as possible for that reason but I need to get a house sorted first and then he will hopefully not be too scared and upset
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@Rod I’m sorry things are like that for you, I would have tried forever to make things work (don’t want him not to love me, or to be a singie parent or two failed marriages behind me and im not a quitter!) or but that wouldn’t have been the best thing for ME and I would have been selling myself short so maybe things do work out how they are supposed to!?
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I’m sorry my friend jasmine69. I too am going through a similar situation. It’s hard to say/Love by but you must move onward and upward . It’s not easy but w/prayer and good people it gets easier. Trust me
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Hey Jasmine,
You have a great outlook already. It’s the ability to be positive that separates people who become stronger after an event or those who become weak.
I’m stoked and happy that you will become stronger from this situation. Hang tough! Your post is thought provoking and inspiring
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I’m so sorry!!! I unfortunately can relate. We will be separating soon. Lu ing apart but working on ourselves in hopes of our marriage surviving. But he is already checked out, has been for awhile. I’m starting to feel that way, but want to complete my stepwork and maybe get yo a year sober before I make any decisions. 126 days today!! It’s a scary thought, separating. But I’m confident I, and you also!, can conquer this without alcohol and we will feel so independent!!! Pain is only temporary sweet girl.
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Thanks everyone. I have found a few rental properties to look at. He said to me this afternoon ‘you don’t have to rush into a rented house you know if you don’t want to’ I was like WTF? what other option do I have? I think he thinks we should just play happy famillies for our son until the last minute when the house sale go through -delusional or what?
Delusional is a strong word… rational thinking it is. It is cheaper to stay both in the house until selling is complete and if you are not arguing in front of your boy, it is maybe nice for your son too? Maybe your husband is not ready for dealing with you moving out? Or is there another reason that you did not think of? Did you asked him why he wants it that way?
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True and that’s great advice @Ockie … However when I got a divorce all rationality kind of went out the window. I wanted to separate myself from him as soon as humanly possible. In Cali, divorce takes a MINIMUM of 6 months. Can’t change your name until it’s final, so lame. 6 months has never been so long.
He could also be struggling with the change too @Jasmine69 Divorce can be really tough. Again, sorry you’re going though this.
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I feel your pain. I filed for divorce over a year ago and my spouse won’t leave and is fighting me and filing for custody of our three children while I am trying to stay clean. In top of that I have been trying to recover from the abuse from a guy I wound up with trying to separate from my spouse…the very same guy who got me hooked on drugs! It will get better. It will pass. And picking up will only leave you less able to cope with what you are going through. Feel the pain. Cry if you need to. Take care of yourself and chase your recovery and wellness like your life depends on it. Because it does
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