Why do I do this to myself? I know I shouldn’t drink! But sitting on my own watching tv and getting pished for some bizarre reason is my favourite pass time.
But it’s not. I’m wasting my life in a stupor most evenings and end up ranting a lot of nonsense to some poor person on my phone. Then I wake and feel shame. Why would you then drink again?
Wow. I’ve been telling myself to stop for years. But I keep bullshiting myself that I’m fine.
I’m not fine. I’m a drunken bum.
Well. Now I’ve shared my shame with you all. I can say. We go again.
One day at a time Mend. That’s all we can do. Remember the bad times to push through the cravings. Give yourself a life an use this board as much as you need to. There’s always someone about. It has been a god send for me an alot of others here. I’m on day 44 of being sober an was exactly like you. You can start to feel good about yourself and the shame lessens the more sober days you get behind you. Good luck mate.
Yeah one day at the time and you will be ok. Shame is the most unbearable feeling. Thank you for your share, you are brave and you can quit this harmful habit/addiction. You deserve to feel better. Step by step you will start to live your own life. Wish you all the best!
The ap is a tool. The forum a support network. What it really comes down to is a decision. You need to decide to never again give your “child self” permission to drink or use. Until you do, you will regularly cycle through relapse. See, for some reason, we addicts have let our “child selves” run the show. We’ve forgotten or never learned how to say “no”, and mean it.
I wish I would have had this app when I first started getting clean. First it was just the counter. Months later I pressed this button not knowing what it was. I read the threads for a while before joining. I’m so glad I found the courage to join! It was harder for me than admitting and accepting my problem for some reason. This forum is so amazing because I can ask for help in one thread and give help in another.
A lot of people could quit on their own with the help of this app but I needed more help than that, I realized after many resets that what i was doing wasn’t working so I started going to meetings. You just have to find what works for you but maybe try something different if you’re not able to make progress on your own. SMART recovery, AA, or ask your doctor for treatment options. I needed more structure and accountability, but just see what works for you. I know its frustrating being stuck in that cycle, but there is a way out, dont give up.
When I was using I would wake up and pray that my texting app wasn’t open because I was terrified of who or what I was texting. Shame, fear and anger were emotions I felt all day until I sat down to have my first drink if the day. How ass backwards is that logic? That drink would wash everything away and I just KNEW it would be different today! That I wouldn’t get so drunk that I texted stupid shit to people. I JUST WOULDN’T! And we all know how that would turn out.
We all do it friend. The only way to banish those feelings is to clean ourselves up and work on the issues that lay beneath the actions. Certainly no one here will judge you for those things. But the work is all up to you! I know you can do it! Living without that everyday fear, shame and guilt is one of the most amazing things in the world imho.
