Its been a whole damn month without fentanyl for my fiance and I and I’m really proud of us. I feel like it has been a little tougher on me bc he still uses marijuana. He has seizures and it is medicinal for him, but I struggle with knowing and seeing him get high. I know that weed isnt a problem for him. It doesnt lead to use of other substances and it isnt like he is always stoned or anything. I genuinly dont want him to have to stop bc it triggers me, tho he has offered to, so im just trying to suck it up and deal. Its hard tho. I find myself throwing attitude his way when he is high, and just being pissy in general. I’m trying to just keep my mind busy but its hard. In the first days it was a mutual struggle and we were motivating each other while finding comfort in the knowledge that we were both struggling and feeling the same shitty way. Now i feel like we are on different pages, like it is harder for me bc i dont have a crutch to run to like he does. I dont even know if i am making sense tbh, I’m mostly just venting.
Makes perfect sense to me. I posted something similar Friday. I’m trying to stay sober from alcohol my DOC. My wife doesn’t drink at all but does weed like once a week on a night she don’t have work. It really shouldn’t bother me cause she’s not the one with the problem but it just triggers me sometimes. I feel like I don’t really want to be around her on those nights. I think it pissese off more cause she’s one of those people who could just take it or leave it. If I tried to moderate I’d be back in a shit show within a week. I just try and find other things to do on those days. It nice that you said he’d quit if you wanted him to. My wife would do the same for me. But like I said I’m the one with the problem. Congrats on you whole month sober though.
I see where you’re coming from! I am only about 3 days sober from weed, but both of my brothers smoke. I have been able to find strength in myself, cause even tho they support me they both still indulge! I use this as fuel to know im stronger and can leave it all behind and be COMPLETELY sober. This isn’t me trying to down my brothers or your husband because you are both so strong and congrats on 30 days but like you said, him smoking is for his seizures! A lot of times I wish I had a crutch too! But I put myself here so I have to save myself. It’s hard now I know, but I can’t help but get happy thinking about a future where im 100% Sober and non reliant on a substance for relief
I think you’re on to something in saying that it pisses you off bc shes they type that can socially use and we cant. I find it do fustrating. I so wish i could just have a few socially (i struggle with alcohol too) and then stop when i feel a little buzzed but its all or nothing for me too. The only reason i dont smoke weed is that i get major anxiety or else i would likely be using it for a crutch too. Thats another fustrating thing.
Anyway, i am proud of you for doing what is best for you, and i hope it hets easier for both of us!
I am using methadone currently to get passed the fent, but i also look forward to the day when i know that i dont need any substances to be happy and comfortable. So much of our using is to mask anxieties and pain, and we hen we get clean we are forced to come to terms with those truths. Its hard, exhausting work, but ultimately it has to be better than what i was doing. Congrats on 3 days, and i wish you all the best on your path!
