Well it’s a friday and I feel like I should be anything but sober right now. The songs that I used to listen to while tripping on dxm oddly trigger me a bit as well, but much moreso / more noticeably on the weekends rather than during the week. I know that I won’t be at work until Monday and could absolutely handle the comedown of 1-2 bottles of cough syrup (threw away the pill form - back to wasting like $20 per trip which I haven’t done in, eh, about 2 weeks.) Ideally I would have any sort of downer - I never really enjoyed cocaine, even caffeine makes me anxious as fuck and if I drink way too much (Drank 1,000 mg of it once just to see what would happen) I get straight up paranoid. I just want anything that knocks me the hell out and removes me from reality in some way regardless of how damaging/silly it is : | I don’t feel like living over the weekend. I have nowhere to go no work to do. I was really hoping they would schedule me for full hours this week because of this but it’s my first week so they only gave me about 8. Next week I’m scheduled for full hours but it’s only 40 or so and should have me coming home around 5 pm every day. What the fuck am I supposed to do during the afternoon other than get high and/or drink? The only thing that keeps me from going out and buying alcohol today really is the fear of getting id’d as I’m under 21, even though the place I get it doesn’t normally id have been kind of put off by it since the one time they asked me for it, I pretended to forget it and they asked for my birthday (which I lied about). I think the guy who never even asks works on weekends only but I don’t know and don’t want to drive there just to see the other guy but at this point I won’t lie I’m considering it.
Edit: well it’s almost sunday and if I avoid anything sunday I have work on monday, looks like I may get to 2 weeks which I haven’t done in probably about a year.