I am afraid I have ruined my marriage for good.
I was on a roll and would’ve hit 10 sober days last night. Instead, after a super stressful day dealing with my own health problems and then my daughter being bit by a dog, I pounded beers starting at 3 pm and was blackout drunk by 7.
I was incredibly cruel to my husband because he wouldn’t buy me cigarettes. I have no memory of this but I painfully read my texts this morning - among them calling him a “negligent asshole”. He forgave me 10 days ago for another drunken horribly verbally abusive rant. He’s forgiven me dozens of times over the last year as I have tried getting sober over and over.
I am honestly afraid he isn’t going to forgive me this time. I don’t know what to do.
I hate myself so much right now. I have such a great life I can’t believe I have fucked it up so bad.
Hi stac. My story is very similar… I was on my last chance with my wife and then blew it! Told to leave the house, restricted access to the kids… I was really depressed and so wanted to be allowed home… this happened end of November 17…it has been very tricky since the relapse but managed to stay sober and allowed back home…I told my wife I was sorry… she wanted a separation…I have managed to understand that there is life outside of our marriage and if necessary I would be ok…long story short wife has acknowledged I have changed and willing to give me my last last chance…
Try not to beat yourself up at lapsing but make sure it for good
Thank you, I am hoping for the best but know I need to put the work in and above all stay sober.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
To put some positive spin on a bad situation, this cpuld be what you need to fuel your motivation to change…
One day at a time…
You got this.
Stories as old as booze itself!
There is a solution!
Google AA meetings.
The Promises are there waiting for you!
Imagine for moment, even if you think they are crap, imagine what the people in your life will think when they see you going and taking action on this thing…
Go and fake it till you make it!
Hi stac…all you can do is stay sober and demonstrate to your loved ones that you can do everything that you need to do sober…that is exactly what I did… soon after a relapse it might seem too little too late…but hang in there for you! And if you stick with it people will notice…I am on the forum most days and happy to chat 
Remember that your sobriety is not for your marriage or children or job or anything else. It is for you. First and foremost for you. Because you will lose all those other things if you don’t change and you might lose them even if you do change. Sometimes there are things you can do nothing about.
But whatever happens, where ever and how ever.
There you will still be. You.
And if you can change and become the best person you can be then you will be able to hold your head up high and be proud of yourself.
You can’t change the past or the mistakes you have made but you are not your past and you are not your mistakes.
Not today.
Good luck. Be strong.
Top response Andy…! I echo that exactly… this is how I feel about my situation…I worry and deal with the things I do have control of and try and make an outcome positive… stuff out of my control I spend as little time as possible thinking about until it impacts me…
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I know it does not help in helping you stay sober but stay motivated. Just don’t give up. Im On day one again but I will not stop until its a lifetime!
Good luck!
So right… @Michael_H.
AA meetings have been life changing for me. I was deep in the rabbit hole but there I found the support I needed to help me keep sober - 1 day at the time. If it works for me it can work for you! Give it try.
Sorry you have to going trough all this. You are not alone. You are fighting the good fight. Dont give up. Keep strong!
Thank you, you’re 100 percent right. All I can do is strive to be the best person I can be, the best sober person. I can’t control the rest.
My husband is my main reason for getting sober. Or my motivation. I finally realized how much I’ve done to hurt him and the guilt kills me. The last time was Xmas. He doesn’t think my new found determination will last but I’m bound and determined to prove him wrong. Went to my first AA meeting yesterday since 2012. I’m finally done being this evil selfish self centered person.
Not only does AA keep me sober, but working the steps makes me a better person and service work builds my self esteem. There’s nothing better than when a fellow drunk reaches out for help.
I don’t know how many times I’ve done this same sort of thing. I hope that your husband can be forgiving and know that it wasn’t YOU talking. Good luck