I’m so incredibly disappointed in myself at the moment… I decided to get clean on the 10th, I made it to the 16th and then relapsed. Got clean again on the 17th and made it to today. Is it bad to try to find a silver lining in this? I made it one day longer than I previously had done. I’m not sure if it’s worth being proud of. Should I be so hard on myself?
I feel like if I’m not hard on myself then I’m not all in… I guess maybe I need to do some soul searching and redefine what “being hard on myself” actually is.
I think you are wise to think this. I had many many relapses before I finally got on my way. It’s a journey for sure. And you’re right about that delicate balance between being too hard on yourself vs not hard enough. Take a good look at the tools you are using to stay sober, and consider what else you need to do. Get back on the horse and start again, one day at a time. I wish you well with your journey!
@Pattycake Line i’ve used many times, “If your not working on recovery, your working on a relapse.”
Questions:
What’s your day to day, hour by hour plan?
Do you have safeguards in place aka Phone Blocks. (Android, Lock me out, Apple Screen Time, covenant eyes)
Are you on social media? Do you think it’s safe for a porn addict?
Are you in a group? Who knows your plan?
What are you weak spots? Relapses typically a couple of days before the actual relapse. I’ll give you an example, right now as of today i’m 82 days free and i see holes in my plan i need to fill. Youtube is a weak spot for me. I have to not have it on my phone.
Are you listening to any podcasts? Porn Free Radio is an excellent Source i highly recommend.
These are questions every porn addict has to ask himself. It’s a war against yourself and really, you have to go on the offensive to win. Doing this just trying to stay away from it hasn’t ever worked for me. I have to counter selfish behavior with Gratitude and Focus.
Id go as far as saying dont be hard on yourself at all…if sobriety is really what you want youve got to try your hardest to be your best friend throughout…the more you berate yourself, talk about yourself negatively and treat yourself badly the harder youl make it for yourself. You have a disease friend…but if you truly want to overcome it start treating yourself well…get your basics down first food, hydration, vitamins…self care…then get your head into a mindset that you can do this, that you can beat this disease…all the negatives are out, use only the positives you have to push you forward…you have all of us here to support you, it is absolutely not about shaming yourself into sobriety
I know your questions are probably rhetorical, but I’m going to answer them out loud anyways
Distractions, distractions, distractions (healthy ones obviously). I try to put myself in situations where I’m keeping myself busy or in an environment where indulging isn’t possible. I find that as soon as I’m alone and bored or stressed, that is the first thing that my mind goes to.
I do not, however, I will look into all of your recommendations
I am on social media… I try to limit my usage as much as possible. I make music so social media is a necessity for me to have and use. I try to limit my usage to simply posting and networking. I do my best not to doomscroll, and I try to avoid triggering posts as much as I can.
I’m not in a group. My wife is extremely supportive and knows of my plan. However, she isn’t experienced with addiction, so I’m working on alternatives for support and accountability. SA.org is one that I’ve visited to find meetings in my area.
Unfortunately, sexual validation is one of my weak spots. It’s a very important pillar that I require in my relationship. I know it sounds contrary that a porn addict sees sex as romantic, not objectification. I’m actually demi-sexual (which means I’m physically not capable of having sexual feelings towards someone that I don’t love like that. Trust me, I’ve tried many times). For some reason with porn, it’s different. It’s like the only way I myself, objectify sex. If my sex life in my relationship isn’t consistent, I fall off the horse a bit. I know this isn’t healthy and I’m working through it with therapy. However, that isn’t the only factor. Even when my sex life is consistent I indulge, though not as much. Like I said before, I tend to indulge when I’m alone and stressed or bored. I think it’s just a habit I’ve built since I was literally 7 years old. In a way, I’ve wired my brain with a crappy reward system any time I’m bored, so right as soon as it sets in my brain wants to go for it.
I’m not much of a podcast listener. I only really listen to music
With any addiction that is what keeps us sick and stuck in the addiction…the shame, the guilt, the sneaking around, the secrecy…drop the guilt and shame …your an addict and you need help…help yourself by trying to get to the bottom of why you turn to the instant gratification that us addicts crave…what is is you need to escape from, feel better because of? Seek it out but dont waste your time giving yourself a hard time because that will only hold you back, the fuller your cup the more chance you have of beating this
