Welp, I’ve lost it all in the blink of an eye. I’ve been a closet binge drinker for the last 10 years. I had my 2 beautiful babies and wasn’t binging at all for a couple of years. I was drinking, just not binging. Then I’m not sure what it was, my growing anxiety and depression, postpartum, the lack of help from my husband? Who knows… that’s yet to be uncovered considering this all happened Monday.
Well, actually back on April 10, 2023. DUI #1, I had a dentist appointment, I didn’t need to get my kids- my husband was bringing them home, it was the first super nice day of the year in New England so the switch in my brain that said “grab some nips and cigarettes, roll down your windows and take the long way home” so that’s what I did. I took down 6-7 nips on my half hour ride home, swerved all through the backroads, people called on me, I didn’t see the cops behind me trying to stop me, I almost clipped another car. When I was stopped I didn’t fight it. I was hoping that was the fucked up waiting call I probably needed. Because again, mind you I was doing this secretly for 10 years prior but stopped and relapsed.
I got arrested, went through the motions, felt ok, was ready to talk to someone about my mental
Health. Didn’t. Just pushed it off for whatever reason.
Then, I feel like I’m finally doing well and I have my license back almost completely (I was 3 months away from this all being a distant nightmare…WOW) then came Monday. My second alleged DUI (just for legal purposes) so now, I’ve violated my probation, picked up the same charge but worse, probably lost my job and will now be seeking help.
There’s more to it but. Where do I go from here? I’m 31, and suddenly I’m letting everything crash and burn around me
You stay sober for today. I see you’re new here, welcome . Recovery takes time and work but the process is very rewarding. Your life will improve tremendously through out your journey. The links below are great places to start.
This is up to you to decide, my dear. Where DO you go from here? What are you willing to do to get sober? This disease wants us dead. You are worthy of a better life than what drinking will get you. And you don’t have to do it alone. I’m glad you’re here
Welcome to our community I’m proud of you for taking a step like this in the right direction
I got my 2nd, double felony DWI right before I turned 31. I know where you’re at. The only difference is I didn’t go looking for help or accept the help they tried giving me. I went thru the motions to convince them I was fine just so I could take my next drink again. And I kept driving. I’m lucky I never got a 3rd bc I should have. I, too, used to take drives down country roads with a few shooters in tow.
I know that it feels like all hope is lost but this can be the beginning of something great for you. I wish I had realized that I had a problem, or at least cared way back when, bc I’d be so much farther in my sobriety. Instead I fell further down the spiral and I’m letting you know that it only gets worse.
As @Dan531 said, don’t drink today. Don’t worry about tomorrow, it isn’t here yet. Just focus on today. Read as much as you can here. There’s so much valuable advice hidden in the threads. There’s always someone around when you’re in need. Welcome again Wish you all the best in your journey
I am new here as well. 12 days no alcohol. It is very important right now for me to focus on my promise each day to not use any alcohol.
I am also trying to understand the first step better. I think that is a super foundation for sobriety. Admit I am powerless over alcohol and that my life is unmanageable with it in my system.
I think you are doing very well being here and not drinking today!!!
Welcome to the community. We can’t change the past but we can decide what our future will bring by every decision we make today. I hope this forum can be helpful to you on your journey.
It took me more than two DUIS, and a few years of the desperate hell of “secret” drinking because I had to drink, to get to the place you are. The place of asking for help had an aura of shame for me, but mostly it felt like profound relief.
Where I went was 100% into sobriety. Antabuse, individual counseling, and attendance at AA and actively working the recovery program they offer. Before the trial that came out of that last arrest, I was required to give a clean breath sample at the police station 7 mornings a week. After trial, I was required to attend outpatient rehab. I stopped driving straight away (No valid license for over 5 years at that time), and depended on family mostly and friends for rides, including the 25 mile commute to work. After about 6 months, a commuter bus service linking my little town with the city started up. I became a regular on that for about 3 years until I worked on and got my license reinstated.
I still go to AA 3 days a week, and I’m on Talking Sober every day.
I made getting and staying sober my primary goal, ahead of my family and my job. I spent time every day, from 30 minutes to a couple of hours, journaling, praying, going to meetings, reading AA literature.
I came close to losing it all, just like you are today. And it was hard and seemed unfair and it sucked some days. But sobriety began to come to me more naturally and became the source of joy in my life. I remember the day that I was aware I hadn’t had the unwanted thoughts about drinking or cravings in two days! That was a very good day indeed.
I followed instructions from the courts and Department of Corrections and the people in AA. I did not rationalize or justify why I could not or did not want to do what they suggested. It occurred to me that they knew a lot more about staying sober than I did.
I have what I call permanent sobriety today, one day at a time. It happened for me and it can happen for you. Blessings on your house as you begin your journey.
You got some really good answers here already, so I just wanted to welcome you into the family
No-one can get sober for you, you have to make that decision yourself and put the work into your recovery, but you don’t have to be alone.
This community is always helpful, always full of advice and someone is always online. Whatever ungodly hour it is in your part of the world, somewhere else a talking sober family member starts their day.
Thank you for sharing, keep it up. Use the daily check-in thread to hold yourself accountable. Be a part of this community and find your path to a clean and sober life.
Well, ngl, that took some time. I got a good lawyer who miraculously made it possible for me to drive throughout the entire sentence since I had to support my child, even though I was supposed to lose my license for a year, but I did pay out the ass for that luxury. I just wanted to get it over.
It was embarrassing. Having to wear an ankle monitor for 6 monthes and have a breathalyzer in my car for a year, but I think that’s the point. It’s meant to suck, to teach you a lesson (even tho it didn’t teach me and I had to learn that lesson my own way, which was torturous). Being sober now, I’ve realized that there is nothing I could ever do that would embarrass me as bad as I’ve already done.
It will be hard for a while, but if you stay sober throughout, it will be much more manageable. Don’t just go thru the motions this time. Take the help and learn from it. I wish I did back then. I’m always around if you need to talk
Hi, I am a recovering addict it’s been almost 6 months since I last used my DOC I used to get high on heroine/meth/cannabis. Now I am clean and I really feel good about my physical health and my perspective on life has changed massively! But not before I lost all the things nd people who were dear to me… But whatever happened, happened! I won’t give up on life, now the problem I am facing is trying to figure out how to get my life back on track specially regarding work. I seem to have lost all confidence facing people, I am usually reluctant to talk or communicate with people, how do I overcome these issues?
Wow it’s been 5m &12 days sober from any kind of drug usage, I was a chronic alcoholic for 10yrs then switched to heroine and meth.
Now I am sober and following the program which says “easy does it” it’s baby steps for me.
The problem for me is that there is still drug use under my roof my younger sister is still using heroine and meth, i don’t get any cravings because of that but I don’t know how to express my feelings over this issue but one thing is for sure it’s definitely very discomforting.
. Recovery takes time and work but the process is very rewarding. Your life will improve tremendously through out your journey. The links below are great places to start.
I’m proud of you for taking a step like this in the right direction 
.