Have blacked out over the years, once I was even found passed out on the side of the road by a stranger, you think I would of stopped drinking then no memory of abusing people that night, Lucky they are still in my life that was many years ago ,
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If it makes you feel better I would get drunk HOSTING the kids’ birthday parties. Hours with a bunch of rug rats screaming? You bet I drank a lot of wine!!
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Mine was 3 nights ago. I came home from work and started immediately on my rum and coke, just like every single day. I was stressed out about money and upcoming rent that was due so went into the night with a bad state of mind.But I made a nice dinner for myself and my kids. Everyone raved how good it was. After about my 5th drink and shots in between, I felt much better. Until i didnt. I remember bits and pieces of argueing with my oldest son about the rent and how we were going to get kicked out. He kept trying to leave and i wouldnt let him. Thats all I remember. The next day i woke up with my eyes so swollen i could barely open them from Apparantly crying so much. My son had packed his things and left. I had to call off work which i never do. My 2 teenagers wouldn’t even speak to me. I asked why and my son said you dont remember? I said no not really. He told me everything that happened and how belligerent drunk i was and pushed my son and his gf out the door screaming to get out and dont come back. He told me how hurt they all were and mostly worried about me cause it happens every night. To me it dont. I start drinking and wake up and go to work. I had no idea the things that i do when i obviously black out. I promised him it wouldnt happen again. Doubfully believing me. I got up this morning and searched online for an AA meeting. I went and almost didnt go in but i did. Everyone was so welcoming and wonderful. I just sat there but once they knew it was my first time the meeting became each person sharing how it was there first time and what brought them there. It really helped. I do plan to go back tomorrow for a newcomer meeting. I refuse to have my kids ashamed of me anymore. Its 9:15 and so far so good. No drink. One day. One second one minute at a time. Im glad i found this forum too. Helps alot. Sorry for the long rant. Thats tbe first time i told tbe story of what i bekieve was my bottom. Thank you.
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Thank you Cate!
Hi Tinamarie, I did that crazy, off the rails shit too with my son and was out of my mind yelling and irrational. I was so ashamed of my behavior and I totally freaked him out (he was 14). It ruined our relationship for a while. I’ve 2.5 years clean and sober now and we are super tight. It’s soooo worth it to make the life change! For you and your family! I never knew life could be this good!
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Thank you so much. We are all very close! I’m praying they will forgive this last real bad one.
Last time I drank wasn’t bad, but in my past I have had scary nightmares… lots of bad experiences… one of them was that I was so drunk, when I looked in the mirror and seen an actual demon in me. That was last year… after that I’ve been going to church regularly and not getting blacked out drunk. Burned my arms pretty bad while trying to cook with the oven… smh that was last summer… still have 3 bad scars on them today… I’m on day 2 as of now
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I have debated a lot over whether to comment here because I feel so ashamed of my actions last week. But I’ve come to think it’s part of the healing process to talk about and truly understand how out of control my drinking is and how I have to change-
We were on a family weekend away and I’d had a great Saturday with my boy and family swimming eating and being together and happy to celebrate I had that lethal just one drink! 
everyone else was drinking and it seemed fine, fast forward to the Sunday morning and everyone else went for a swim, I stayed behind to secretly drink whiskey I had my eye on, for breakfast!!! The day carried on like that and I was truly hammered don’t remember a right lot but disapproving looks from my family, the next three days went something similar drinking any and everything I could find all while I supposed to be in charge of my innocent little boy, walked to the corner shop twice in one day with him in his pushchair to get more booze. And that for me was the lowest moment in my life. How i managed to keep him safe in my drunken state I do not know! But I woke up Thursday morning and just knew I can’t do that anymore, my little boy never did anything to deserve a mum like that, he deserves so so much more. That’s when I stumbled across the forum and here I am working on day 5 sober, and I know I have to do this for him!!
Had a lovely moment yesterday when I got my yoga mat out to exercise and he came running over eyes lit up to stand on it and dance, that moment I realised I’m not the terrible awful role model I perhaps think myself to be, and that I am teaching him healthy habits too, so hears to building on that, and enjoying every moment with this precious little guy…And I couldn’t do it without every single one of you, sharing your stories and support 
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Onwards and upwards- time is a great healer and luckily your boy cannot remember Mum as a drinker (my girls cannot either- thank god)
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Great share Fran. Thanks. It’s great to see you so positive. First and foremost try to remember you are doing this for you. So you can be that great role model of a mum you want to be.
Putting all your hopes on doing it for someone else, even your lovely son, could cause resentments.
Just a thought to help you.
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Thank you Geo. Really appreciate your input. Your defiantly right and it did cross my mind as I was writhing. Have always struggled with putting myself first, but you are right and the last thing I want is to resent him, I’m going to ponder on this some 
thank you 
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For me, there was nothing different than the two decades of days and nights that preceded it. I drank secretly during the day and openly during the evening. On social media, someone I kinda knew had said he had gotten sober and that for those seeking sobriety, this app helped him. I downloaded the app and started reading in here I found answers, support, courage, hope and the promise of peace - something I had been searching for - for years, but which had eluded me. Hence my name on here! The next morning I looked out onto the sea and I couldn’t feel it’s beauty. I felt so disconnected from the world. I had gotten so that I was afraid of dying but had, at the same time, lost the will to live. I was so consumed with self loathing and fear. I longed for peace. I decided to get sober and I owe my recovery to the people who make up this community. I have my battles but I am at peace with myself now.
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Denied myself the reality of my physical (not even addiction) sickness for a year and puked up blood daily. The only thing i thought that would make me not feel nauseous, shaky and unable to eat was to keep drinking. Little did I know I was feeding what was alcoholic hepatitis and turning it into liver cirrhosis . I couldn’t stop drinking because of the withdrawals I would feel but I had to stop drinking because I was killing my self. I finally realized after several GI doctors told me I would die if I did not put down the bottle that I needed to get help.
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Ah thank you, I’m wilting a bit today not craving just exhausted. How are you??
Thank you sweetie 
right back at you
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Prayers for you. One of my best friends from high school died at 32 from alcoholism. He was such a good person. You are strong and can get through it. Keep living life!!
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Wow so inspirational! Your little guy is so cute 
Ahh thank you so much, it’s so heart warming to be met with such compassion 
And yeah I’m not gonna lie I like he’s cute too 
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It was really nothing out of the ordinary, short of an exquisitely disagreeable hangover (combining large quantities of adderall and alcohol will do that…).
Aside from the quantities I had been consuming, I hadn’t put myself in bad situations like I used to for a long while. No dark alleyways, no fights, no waking up in strange places, no day drinking…I seemingly had reeled it in and had it “under control”. Right.
It had just come to a point where I realized I needed to move on and that I was severely limiting myself. I was being unfair and selfish towards my loved ones and myself, through my behavior, through making myself unavailable by isolating and using. I have so much more to give, and wasting time drunk or hungover was not the way to do it. I had just “decided to be better”, as our resident jedi here would say. And yeah, no hangovers ever again is pretty great too.
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Very good advice Geo. Ive been also saying i need to do this for my kids. But you are so right, I need to do this for me first and foremost. And by doing that, Im doing it for them as well!
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