So I was replying to a post and I had mentioned “drinking at” things. What some things you drank or used at?
For me, I drank at my addiction, my ex, the person who sexually abused me for years, the pain, the hurt, the disappointment, the mental abuse, people, friends, ex friends, my relationship, my old job, things, places, NA, just all those resentments…
I mean, it could have been anything honestly. I didnt need an excuse to use but always found one even when I didnt want to use. It’s sad but true.
Literally anything and everything was an excuse haha oh, I got a good grade on my chemistry exam, time to celebrate. Oh, I didn’t pass an exam in a different class, better drink because I’m a failure. At social gatherings, I was always the “fun girl that could hold her liquor”. None of my friends were ever worried about me. I drank when I was suicidal. I drank when I was angry. I drank when I was bored. I drank because I knew I was going to a pre-game. I drank because I was about to go to a football/basketball game. You name it, there was a reason why I drank. But, I think it was deeply fueled by anger, resentment, insecurities, not feeling like I was worth anything.
Now though, I’m sober because I deserve a better life. I’m sober because I want to present and aware of what’s happening in my life. I’m sober because I want to be the best partner, the best sister, the best daughter, the best friend, and THE best person I can be. I’m sober because when I drank, I couldn’t be anything I wanted to be.
Seriously, though - just to cope with the stress of life, work, kids, spouse…
I also “drank at” my actual drinking, hiding drinking, pretending I wasn’t drunk, hoping I could drive and not hurt myself or someone else, making bad choices while I was drunk, etc.
I never needed an excuse, i just drank for one selfish reason, i wanted to. Now i realize thats b.s. i have quit drinking a million times it seems like, i just hope and pray there is not a 1,000,001!
Drank in the morning and all day drank most drinks put in front of me even put lager in with parifin just to get a buzz drank when i was driving the last three years of my drinking is a blur was like a zombie full of fear and anxiety hurt loads of people mostly with my fists , even after trips to the hospital twice for the usual suicide attempts. prob be died if i hadnt got to AA ,
I drank most recently because I could; it was almost like “in your face, you can’t tell me what to do”. Also, in an odd way, I felt like it defined me, was expected. I’m 11 days in…still struggling but these types of realizations are good!
I drank because I enjoyed it! There was no one reason or another. I didn’t need a specific situation to prompt me. If I wanted a drink, I drank it. Life events did play a part to the extent of the binge on occasion, but sometimes it was the simple plain fact that I loved it and enjoyed it way too much…
Like you, I was also sexually assaulted by the man I was married to. I have never come across another person in this situation and have always felt alone and misunderstood when it it came to this. Although I hate to know that someone else has suffered this, it feels good to know I am not alone in this.
I drank to quiet the voices in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough. I drank to give me courage because I was so painfully shy. I drank to ease my anxiety. I drank to numb myself from all the things going on at home that I could not control. I drank to numb the guilt I carried over certain situations.
Well they start scavenging parts off them for other buses in service. After they get most of what they want they sell them at auction. I’ve seen old city bus converted to “party buses” and some have sold to Mexico.
To echo what a lot of other’s have said, it was very easy to find a reason to drink at. The day of the week worked just find when I had nothing else.
Some favorites were family members, my own addiction, my fiancee’s addiction, the shame, and the pain. And sometimes an attempt to turn down the volume in my head. Which inevitably ended in me blacking out on the floor…again.
Very happy and grateful to be where I’m at now. Life will always happen. And it’s way easier to get through when you’re not battling a hangover too.
To celebrate. To de-stress. To unwind. To let down my guard enough to have a good time. To remember those passed. To forget about the pressures of life. To cover the sadness. To numb the pain of loss. Later, it turned into being able to cope with a new family. To have a connection. To mask all the absolute shit going on in my life. It didn’t work. I cried like a baby several times by the end, drinking couldn’t help me it just spiraled everything downward more. But the fact I could even feel that with the booze enough to cry was a big deal and I knew this. My health and my life really depends on quitting permanently!
