I’m going to court tomorrow for my first DUI. It sucks but getting caught was what finally got me into AA and on the right path to maintain sobriety.
I just don’t know what to tell my 7 year old as to why I won’t be driving for 6months. My wife doesnt what her knowing about court and conviction, but I don’t want to lie to her.
Think my wife is concerned she will worry bout her Dad, and that he’s now a criminal. She currently gets anxious when I go out at night to AA meetings etc as in the past I have left when drunk and not come back for hours.
Hi there. That’s a tough one. I see your wife wants to protect her but I dunno… I might be inclined to tell her the truth, or some of it anyways. I’d be included to at least explain that you’re not drinking anymore, especially since she’s anxious when you go out. Say something like it’s a meeting to help daddy stay healthy… She needs some peace of mind, and completely shielding her might cause her more anxiety. I grew up with an alcoholic father and I had a great amount of fear and anxiety when adults drank (even though dad was a great man, happy drinker etc). It caused a lot of turmoil in our home. If I thought dad was getting help, I’d feel a sense of relief.
Also, great job on wanting to be honest with her. If your wife is dead set on not telling her, maybe something like daddy can’t drive as he got a ticket for not following the rules, or something like that. I’m always on board with honesty and this age I feel might be a good window of opportunity. A good opportunity to show honesty, natural consequences. And may help ease her fears. Especially if she sees you working on being healthy and being “good”. Not sure my advice is great, as I’ve not been in the situation. But I’m all for partial or full truths with kids. If hubby got a DUI, I’d tell my little guy something similar to above. And he’s 4. Whatever you choose, best of luck! All the more reason to stay sober. Welcome to the forum. Sooooo much support, advice etc here. Stick around. Read lots.
I suggest you use this for what it is. This is a teaching moment.
Daddy broke the rules. And daddy has to pay for that. I’m not sure how far you want to go into details but try to remember that she is 7. You as her parent set her reality. I think that simply stating that the rule you broke was drinking a couple daddy beers and that was enough to brake the rule.
Now you have to show how sorry you are by not driving for 6 months. She will understand that daddy has to go in time out
My son also get aniouxs when i go to my n.a meeting ,but i tell him that i go and sit with other adults that help eachother get through tough days and share our happy days Nd most importantly it helps me .i express i will be home not long after 9 pm and i go in and just let him know I’m back.bc he asked me too all we can do is be honest,
This is a “teachable moment”. I would tell her that you broke a rule, there are consequences for doing so, and you have learned your lesson.
I am sure she’s broken your rules or misbehaved in school, and has lost privileges as a result. This is no different. Driving is a privilege, and you have lost it for a time, for breaking a rule.
Use an example she may have experienced: "you know how we have a rule about eating cookies before dinner? We have this rule because when you eat cookies before dinner, you won’t want to eat the healthy foods for dinner. So instead of following the rule, you snuck some cookies, and ruined your appetite, and now you can’t have any cookies for a week. Daddy broke a rule about driving. We have this rule to keep Daddy safe and other drivers safe. Because I broke this rule, I can’t drive for 6 months.
Avoid terms like “crime”, “jail”, “law”, “drunk driving”. Put it in terms she can understand and relate to. Reassure her that you want to be better, and are working to be better at everything.
I would just tell her you have a medical problem but you will drive again when you get better. Do inform her that you will be ok so she doesn’t worry. Take lots of walks with her and let her know this is a healthier way to be than driving anyway.
