I’m sure the first thing you might have thought at the title is that this is going to be a treatise on some type of political discourse. I’m here to assure you that is not the case, though it should be noted that one cannot touch on all aspects of what it means for them to be free without there being a small drop of that subject.
No, what I wanted to talk about today is what freedom in a much larger sense and in conjunction with the pain and struggle of addiction.
What does it mean to be free? What does it mean to you to be free?
We, as addicts, long for a certain kind of freedom—a freedom from a prison that is often invisible. Of course, some of us withered in ways that were obvious to our family, friends, and even strangers; but some of us were able to function perfectly well within the confines of our undetectable prisons and we were able to fool those around us.
But we could not fool ourselves.
We could see what others may not have been able to see. The prison walls were not invisible to us. No, the walls and bars of our cages were dark, dingy, and dank beyond the false rainbow and promises of fun and excitement that had led us here. We would look back knowing that we couldn’t go back the way we had come; but, instead, to free ourselves we would need to slog through the quagmire of suffering and the hot desert of shame before we could climb out of the pit we had landed ourselves in.
There is a passage in Christian scripture saying that the truth will set you free, and I think that whether or not you belong to that faith (I do not), there is wisdom in that saying. We have to be truthful to ourselves. That is the key that unlocks the door and lets us out because the lies to ourselves and others is the lock that truth releases.
So what is freedom? What is freedom for you? What does that promised land of sobriety and the dream of being clean look like to you and in your life? What were the dreams that you had of what you’d do with yourself if only you weren’t a slave to a demanding master in a prison you built yourself and have they come into fruition?
Freedom for me is to be able to get up in the morning and feel good; not lurching out of bed to grab something that is going to make the withdrawals from being asleep go away. To have a clear head and emotions that aren’t dulled to the point where I don’t feel anything but numb.
Every night I would think that I’d stop the next morning, but then morning came and I thought, “Not today… I can’t today because of X, Y, or Z reasons,” all of which were actually just excuses.
There is such a freedom in waking up in the morning and being happy that the sun has risen and that there is a brand new day waiting for me without the secrets, the lies, and the shame. For me that’s freedom and every day I feel free.
I like this post ! Well Freedom for me means to walk around with a sober mind and spirit to be able to enjoy life without prison walls aka addictions holding me back to be free means to be alive to live to grasp on reality ! Thanks for this post this helped me alot right now …
I’m really enjoying reading what people are writing. It’s so inspiring to read the thoughts of others and what makes them feel free because it can be really hard sometimes as we work through these issues, and focusing on the things that give us that feeling of freedom, of what makes it worth all of the struggle to get away from those addictions–well, it reminds us what we’re fighting for. And when we read the same from others, I think it helps because it reminds us that we’re not alone.
I suffer from insomnia and the drinking obviously just made it worse so freedom for me means I know I’ll wake up feeling well despite not having a good night sleep because I won’t be hungover on top of it.
Freedom means I don’t have to plan how to dispose of the empty bottles so my family doesn’t find out.
Freedom also means I can actually start going after my goals with a clear head and pure energy.
Great thread, thank you
Omg the bottle stores one, that was me exactly. Driving to the farthest one when there is one right next door just to avoid the shame feels good to be free
Freedom to me is to have what i need for living and let go of excess and other unecessary needs. Freedom is accepting myself and be confortable in my own skin. Freedom is being able to walk away from a set of circunstances and situations that dont serve me anymore without feeling guilty, bad or attached to them.
When I think of handcuffs, I think of not being able to decide for myself. When to have even the basics of life, is to be imprisoned. When to eat, WHAT to eat, when to enjoy my family, how to act in situations, what comes out of my mouth, what to wear (can’t stain the expensive light blouse with red wine), when I can leave my house and when I can’t, etc etc… The list goes on and on. In every way that one can be imprisoned with day to day. I even looked for a partner that alcohol dictated. So freedom to me, is to make my own choices with everything in my life! I can say what I want! I can do ANYTHING that I want without anything telling me how I should do it. Liberation and freedom feel good when you get to choose your life
Great topic. I echo a lot of sentiments here along with seemingly ordinary ones - not avoiding evening events because there won’t be wine, waking in the middle of the night without the startling interruption of alcohol induced anxiety, freedom to go to the doctor without worrying about the lecture and freedom to know that I- not the wine bottle-is the one calling the shots (pun intended).
Very interesting post thank you all. Felt all your experiences in my stomach while reading it…still so vivid after only 2 weeks off booze…
I’ll have to come back but I have to say something about it now. For me, for long time I knew the citation “anguish is the dizziness of freedom” (Kierkegaard). I related a lot to it, but today and when I think about my sobriety work, I have a new understanding of it.
Freedom is what I was running from since 15 years old. I realize now that my anxiety is only exacerbated when I avoid it. But to accept this and stop fighting is taking my freedom and make choices. Freedom is what I was afraid of. My reactions to the discovery of freedom and it’s further encounters were almost always addictive ones. It’s ironic because I’ve been searching for freedom since I chose addiction over freedom itself.
For me, freedom is something new but amazing that I’ve just discovered back a couple of days ago, when I stopped avoiding it intentionally. Thanks sobriety for that.
The freedom I feel to my very core is the freedom from the paranoia that seeped it’s way into every bit of my life. I was constantly looking over my shoulder if i were buying, i feared unexpected visits from everyone, i feared planned visits (they could be an intervention), i feared strangers, i thought cameras could be everywhere, that people were going through my things at home and at work, and the most debilitating one for me was that EVERYONE was talking about me. That was my cage, all alone, starting to show the cracks. I’m glad i let myself out. It’s nice to just watch scooby doo and not worry what anyone thinks or fear someone finding my stash. My blood pressure is starting to go down, its great.
Addiction is a tether. When I was in active addiction, I was tethered to an immovable boulder. I could only go so far before that tether stopped me. No matter how much I denied that it was even there, it held me back all the same.
I became free when that tether was finally cut and was able to move as far and as fast as I wanted.
Yes, What a great topic. Being free from being totally controlled by my Booze. I had a whole list of things that I just deleted because it was more like the benefits of not drinking.
But, not being a slave to booze is the freedom I’m feeling now. Booze had full control of my life for the longest time.
What a great post. Thanks @Chiron, that was beautifully written.
My sober freedom is a lot like the others who have already posted. The four biggest things that give me a sense of freedom now are:
Waking up each morning without a hangover.
My day isn’t controlled 100% by how and when I can drink next.
Having been consistently working out for 3+ months now and pairing that with healthy eating, my self esteem is about tenfold what it was when I started my sobriety journey.
The financial freedom. Not only the money that I no longer spend on booze, but not having to take days off work because of nasty hangovers.
Freedom for me is being able to get away from the incurable disease addiction. To be able to be happy and not have to feel like no matter how good things are going that i have to go seek out my dear old friend to lend a hand in my down fall
feels good to be free
