So i spent over 10 years trying to get recovery, managed to get sober a few times along the way never managed to stay sober. This probably sounds familiar to alot of people, got sober couldn’t stay sober…ive found that having lived it and having worked with hundreds of people in addiction its simply part of the journey to acceptance.
Im sober today, being sober for me is great i am not drinking but recovery for me is more than that. I have come to learn there is a distinct difference between sobriety and recovery. Having attended many fellowship meetings, many rehabs, many hospitals i was always seeking a way to simply stop drinking. I never understood truly what recovery was, i thought it meant just not drinking or using.
Recovery for me begins within, it was the moment i realised drinking wasnt my primary problem…it was my solution and it was to become a secondary problem to the issue i had within myself.
Recovery for me was beginning to understand why i wanted to escape, why i acted certain ways. The moment i stopped blaming others and circumstances and began to take ownership of what was mine. Its important for me to know that trauma played a part in my story and my choices and behaviours definitely stemmed from my need to survive, to be loved and wanted. Recovery is understanding and beginning to accept the things i cannot change and becomming willing to change the things i can.
Today, recovery is me loving myself and knowing i am enough. Being honest and humble, having a real relationhip with myself, my higher power and others. I no longer need to escape, i no longer use people or substances to sooth the needs of my inner child. I am honest, i am humble and i am sober…most importantly i am in real recovery.
So what does recovery look like for you? Id love to hear your experience.
For myself the first year was simply sobriety, making it through the day and marching to the next milestone. The second year was when the recovery work needed to happen for sustainable sobriety.
In my mind sobriety without recovery is possible but with a very high relapse rate and a little happiness.
What a beautiful post u wrote!! I absolutely agree with u in that just quitting drugs and alcohol is very different from true recovery.
Like urself i spent many, many years trying to get recovery. I was able to quit for periods of time (once was 3 years!), but would always end up relapsing. I would begin to rest on my laurels and stopped doing the daily work (like connecting with my HP) and other recovery related stuff like meetings. This time around i have 952 days and i feel like im in recovery as opposed to just having quit drugs and alcohol. I work on my recovery daily in one way or another. When i begin to slide backwards, i get back to the basics of recovery. That is what i have learned from my past relapses, which is to be aware of when i am sliding back and then doing something about it to bring me back to where I need to be.
Recovery for me is…
Spiritual. Recovery to me is about the connection I have with my HP and turning my thinking and acting over to that HP. Its about doing Thy will and not my own. My HP is a huge part of my recovery bcuz i know that on my own, i struggle… ALOT. I used to have that inner “void” in my soul that just couldnt be filled. It was only until I began having a relationship with a HP that this void has dissappeared.
Connection and being of service. Addiction is very isolating so the opposite of that is connection. Helping others is important for me in recovery. I was a very selfish person in the problem and so giving back (in whatever way i can) is really important for me. Especially with helping other addicts and those that are vulnerable in our society.
Recovery is about a change in thoughts and behaviours. I can quit drugs and alcohol but unless I am completely changing my daily thoughts and actions along with that, i will always have 1 foot in that old way of living and thinking. Recovery is about me having a complete overhaul of my life
Its about being honest and responsible. This ties into changing thoughts and actions, but recovery for me is about being honest. I was a very dishonest person in the problem and so in recovery i needed to change that.
And finally recovery is about having a connection to myself. Getting to know myself, beginning to understand how I function, working on those character defects, and beginning to love myself and my inner child 🩷
As Butterfly said, what a beautiful post!! It resonates so deeply for me. Thank you for sharing it.
As Ray says, recovery for me is living my life fully, in a healthy and healing way.
I love how you framed your sobriety and recovery @MatJHud.
Sobriety for me was the act of getting sober…and all the time and effort it took to achieve and sustain that. It didn’t truly feel like my natural state for a few years (I had been drinking/using for 40+ years, so the act of drinking/using was literally all I knew).
Once I had a handle on sobriety, recovery began. Really delving into what I was avoiding, how to self soothe, how to feel, how to truly love and respect all aspects of my self, how to be okay with feeling not okay, how to accept all emotions as healthy and normal. Truly a beautiful part of my journey and still ongoing on a much less intense level. Recovery for me is being present in my life, knowing deeply that no matter what life tosses at me, the old ways of coping no longer serve a purpose for me and I won’t invoke them. Healing and self love = recovery for me.
I guess some people always felt whole…for me…I needed sobriety and recovery to finally find the missing piece/peace and inner calm.
I firmly believe there’s a huge difference between being sober and being in recovery. Over the years I was sober for months at a time, even up to a year, but I always found my way back to alcohol and drugs. I discovered I was looking for happiness in all the wrong places.
Recovery for me is like peeling an onion. There are so many layers I need to work on. It sure is a process. It’s been 5 years and many more layers to go, I don’t think I’ll ever reach the middle of that onion. But I can honestly say I love the person I am today, flaws and all.
Hey thank you all so much for your replies with kind as well as very wise words. This is a topic i love to discuss when im holding my group therapy session. I facilitate a mixed group of both the person trying to recover from addiction and or their loved ones. So we often talk about the impact of addiction but also what recovery means, what it looks like to them and really interestingly for the loved ones we talk about their own need to recover too. Its such a fantastic topic and one i personally feel should be openly shared as much as possible.
I work alot around behaviour, learned behaviours and how that ties in with our basic needs. I find alot of common patterns linked to childhood, trauma and self worth, our need to feel loved to belong. Our need to survive and for power it really is an amazing journey of self discovery and its where a journey of recovery can be found.
I love this community, i love the honesty and compassion for everyone. Addicts are not bad people just hurt people, the great gabor mate was spot on.
