Y’all know I’m church raised .To them unconditional love was the love god had for us.
Unfortunately my church wasn’t really into that.
And nowdays I don’t buy that either.
However I do like the idea, not the idea of God or Jesus or Church. But the idea that you can love someone but not love their actions at all.
For example, I love my mother. I don’t love how she behaves sometimes, I don’t love her drinking habits. But I still care deeply for her. And even if I know it’s pretty much pointless to try and keep her from drinking, until she realize for herself that it might be a good idea to stop. I will still visit her, and try and take her to activities that doesn’t include alcohol. It’s her choice of course,but I’m still going to try.
And sometimes you can still love people even if you give up on them. I think those are the times when it really hurts to give up. When you think through your decision over and over again. And finally you come to the conclusion that you have to give up trying to save yourself. But you doesn’t stop loving the person because of that.
so today as we were driving home from running errands in town, I was deep in thought with this question. And my husband asked me what I was thinking. So I told him,
“I’m thinking about unconditional love. Is there such a thing, ?” And he said “no, it’s impossible for people not to place conditions on each other.”
I said, “ in Buddhism unconditional love is often put out there as something to strive for, and it is often likened to the love a mother feels for her child. We’re supposed to love all other beings without expecting anything in return. No strings attached.”
He laughed and said, “ha! There are plenty of mothers who don’t have that sort of love. What if I shot my brother in the head, would my mom still love me? “
I said, “ can she love you but not ever want to have anything more to do with you?”
Back and forth we went. In the end, no real answer was found.
So…is it transcendent? Maybe. Is it just a matter of semantics? Maybe. I just don’t know…
I do believe in unconditional love. It does not always mean people are in your presence, or that boundaries wont be set, but I do absolutely believe in it. I think its that you cannot truly know if it exists with someone, until one day there is a condition that is broken that cannot be repaired. And from there the question is whether you still love them unconditiobally despite a major shift, or if you have discovered that it was not infact unconditional. I love my family unconditionally, and hope each day we never come across a condition strong enough to test that. Xo.
I just really don’t think there’s ever any unconditional love with something / a person that cannot respond verbally, physically or mentally. Conditions shift even if in tiny ways each step we take, thus provoking change and movement. Emotions are not inert, that would be the most unhealthy love ever to remain stagnant no matter the circumstances.
This doesn’t mean that non conditional or loss of love, or weakening of love should or needs to be cruel or manipulative. I still believe you can love someone always, but I would be loathe to call fondness or that slow burn of persistent love, unconditional love.
We make language like this for art and spiritual fulfilment not because it’s true or fact based. Even Romeo and Juliet were just the green shoots of hormonal lust, who knows if they would have lasted. We put too much pressure on definitions. Maybe that makes me a bore emotionally, but I’m ok with that. Boundaries and self esteem and being in touch without emotional blindness would be my preference to accepting any level of the unconditional.
Edited to read that I am aware that R and J were also fiction for the pathos and drama of the times. Repeated thoroughly for centuries after in art.
