I’m Renae, and I am from Brisbane, Australia; I am 997 days clean of meth, and now day one of quitting pot.
I am 50 now but when I was 16 i had a head injury which led me to start using drugs, and later, sex work. I have mostly just used pot in my life, apart from a couple of reasonably short stretches, one of acid, and one of speed. (1990s).
I quit pot for 4.5 years in 2015, with cigs, and only started again in 2019 when I met the man who would manipulate me into a relationship (a later confession of his).
Ive been wanting to quit pot for a while, since 2021 I guess, and obviously the man, but this relationship has been emotionally, verbally, physically, and financially abusive from the start. I didnt even like him but couldn’t get away because of his emotional retardedness, anger, and inability to adult.
We were ‘together’ 5 years nearly. He introduced me to meth, and he insisted on supplying that for two years, of course, I had to pay for both of us. Two days after we last used meth in dec 21, he assaulted me, again, so I managed to call the police who put a DVO on him. At that time, he had been getting me to pay for our drugs, even taking my money before I’d finished with a client. Sex work is the best and maybe only job i can sometimes hold down, and the only one worth it, cos of the money, flexibilty, control, empowerment, validation, and rejoicing in my femininity and self. I can’t and dont do it on drugs, forget that stereotype. This abusive man was taking my earnings before i even finished with a client, so i would do my job and have nothing to show for it, which is terrible for a sex workers state of mind, and the abuse continued.
To this day he refuses to give up pot, and even though I wanted to quit, I had to keep paying for it, to try to get him out of his funk and be nice to me.
So yeah, i wasnt really in control and I have trouble with impulse control, as a result of my head injury. I dont have a lot of control over my addiction if its in the house. It’s either nothing and I dont use, which is preferable, or every day nearly all day and night.
I’ve heen wanting to quit the pot since not long after quitting the meth, and yesterday i finally told the asshole that i could love him like a verb, but, I dont even like him. Luckily he left after a quick assault etc then he started ringing and threatening me, so I bit the bullet and called the cops and I’m now at mum and dads.
The thing is, the day of the argument, I had just picked up a cannabis script, and although he stole half of it before leaving, I brought what was left up to my folks with me, and they were kind enough to not complain about me smoking.
But, again I realised, I dont like this feeling. I like a clear head. So i have given my very conservative parents my weed to put in their safe and I intend to not touch it, not ask for it, anf not buy any more. I may consider having some on xmas day, but I dont want to endanger my ongoing sobriety.
In other news, during these turbulent times, i published a biographical verse-novel in 2020 that I wrote in the 90s after my head injury, and last year I write the sequel, another verse-novel. In the last 2 years i have also read about 50 classic novels, mostly 19thC , and started studying, with some successes. I am now also at B1 level of French language study, and starting a diploma in modern languages in a month. I am doing better than any time in my life, at 50, and I am really only just getting started.
I feelvery confident in my ability to cut off the man and the tree. I was going to cut off the tobacco now too, but i think that might be putting too much pressure on myself right away.
Wish me luck in never speakjng or seeing the AH again, and obs, keeping on enjoying my clear head.
Seriously I could punch myself in the face and get the same result right? Lol
Welcome Renae 
glad u found us. I can relate actually to quite abit of ur story so far. I am a former sex trade worker (have been exited for over 10 years now) and also experienced alot of abuse from a past relationship of mine. One where he would also profit off of the money i made. Its not a life to live. Theres sooo much more out there, then living in that prison of a world. I wont go into it too much but just wanted u to know that ur not alone and that recovery is possible
Thankyou Butterfly*
I’m really glad you connected and for your kind words. Its been not even two days since I dumped his ass but I already feel like I’m allowed to be happy now. I hope that it is sorted cleanly, and I won’t suffer any emotion upheaval when I return home.
I have decided that its probably too early to cancel my scripts and instruct my doctor that I don’t want, have a problem with it, but that is a definition possibility for the near future.
I hope your day is full of sunshine,
Ta,
R