What lies do you tell yourself?

Life in Recovery
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I tell myself I am a failure. Sure I am not perfect and have failed at things but I am not a failure. Failure is not my identity. Porn and lust have been plaguing me this week and I have had so many relapses. Part of why I keep going back to my DOC is because of the lies I tell myself. I will not lie to myself any more. No longer will I say I do not like my, or that I am a failure, or that I am worthless. Because I am none of those things.

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I tell myself many lies. I used to and still do.
The old lies where:
You can have one drink, you deserve it!
You can drink secretly, nobody will notice
You are not smart enought to have this job
You are not a good mom if you go for a rest and let hubby take care of the kids
Etc

Still telling myself lies. But can adress them as lies a bit easier then I used to.
The caretaker I talked to this week described it as a bus filled with persons which are all parts of me. A person who is creative, one is my inner friend, one is my inner criticus, one is the addicted me, etc.
But who’s the one on the steering wheel she asked.
Well for now it’s my inner criticus :face_with_peeking_eye:
But who do I want at the wheel?

My inner friend! (And she is sober too :wink:)

So that’s what I’m working at :blush:

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The lies I still tell myself regarding my addiction are :

“The problems I had when I was drinking are no longer there, therefore I won’t react the same way if I drink”

“That I’m in a much better place to handle alcohol”

“Being sober isn’t living”

" I never had a problem, it’s just my family who all labelled me because they don’t drink"

" It will be fun and il be fine"

" Look around, this is so boring life will have passed me by before I know it and I’m missing out on life "

There are many more those are my main ones.

Then my sober voice answers these both with - ’ Don’t forget the cocaine, you were addicted to that too, or did you just seem to forget that’.

’ The only reason your in a better place is because you are sober,

’ You already know how this will go down hill so quick, because you have been there and done it many times before. Nothing is going to be different - only worse’

’ people who overdose don’t know it’s going to happen, what if it happens to you. They also thought they were fine.’

" You know better, just imagine today you relapse and when you wake up in the morning just imagine you really did and how you would feel. And then feel that feeling of relief that you didn’t because you know deep down you don’t want that life back"

" Look around - things are good, your managing and coping and you got this :muscle:"

" You already have all the answers because you learnt the hard way, so stop letting your mind go around and around when you know how this goes through experience"

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My main lie is I can be a moderate drinker, I can handle it. That may be true for a while, but pretty soon it’s a slippery slope downhill. And while I may be a “high-functioning alcoholic”, I do not like being hungover or having less energy to face my day. I always say to myself the next day with a hangover, was the buzz I got for a couple hours worth a whole day of feeling lousy?

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I definitly tells myself lies about my addiction. Alot of what has been mentioned already are very similar to what I tell myself about my addiction. But i also tell myself lies about who I am as a person. For example:
I am broken
I dont fit in
I am “too much”
I have too much baggage
Im fat and will never be able to lose weight
These sort of things. They used to happen so casually that I wasnt even aware that I was thinking these things. And of course when we say something to ourselves often enough, we start internalizing it and eventually believing it. These “labels” we place on ourselves arent true. And its sooo important that we challenge them. When these thoughts come up i challenge it by saying the opposite. Sometimes I dont believe it at first, but the more i say it, the more i begin to believe it. BUT… for me this also comes with action. If i tell myself that im broken and i challenge that thinking, i also have to make sure that im not living in old ways. Its hard to believe that Im not broken if Im still using drugs and acting out. If im staying clean and sober and doing the next right thing, its easier to believe that I am on the right path :slight_smile: hope that made sense.

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Feel exactly the same about the above lies regarding being able to moderate. It’s almost like mourning the passing of a dear friend. One that treated me like crap, but hey.

Lies i constantly tell myself:

No one is interested in you
You are to blame for anything that ever happens
If something happens, feel guilt and shame, because you caused some part of it.
You weren’t good enough
You wasted your life, loser
You are unattractive and not the right shape.
You need to move over for others, they are more important
Nothing you feel is worthy of mention.

That’s the surface. Really trying to disassemble these lies.

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•“You’re not doing enough for/with your daughter.”
•“You’re not doing enough…period.”
•“They don’t want to hang out with you so don’t bother trying.”
Whenever anything feels off with my body…
•“Welp, must be cancer!” (I forgot I was a hypochondriac before I was an alcoholic. Work in progress)
•“You wasted your 20s and most of your 30s.” Debatable.
•“I’m allergic to alcohol.” Which could possibly be true since it makes me sick for who knows how long, and the only remedy is to avoid it. I started telling myself that when I first quit this time around and I actually believed it :woman_shrugging: It got me thru those first few, really tough days. The rest of these have gradually gotten better the longer I’ve been sober.

I don’t lie about my alcoholism anymore. Ever. I did for too long and it got me no where fast. In fact, I was probably going in reverse. Here’s the truths I live by every day. Alcohol is poison. It controls me, not the other way around. I cannot have ‘just one drink’. If I ever were to take one (:no_entry_sign:), I will drive drunk, bc drunk me doesn’t give a fuck about safety or the law, only about doing what she wants, which is usually getting more alcohol. I will be hungover, which will begin the endless cycle of drinking to feel better, except I’m worse off the next day, but I’ll keep doing it :clown_face: There’s nothing fun or glamorous about it. Tried and true, stone cold facts, that have gotten me 20 days short of a year :+1:

Find your truths :sparkles:

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“I only WANT a couple of drinks anyway”

Haha. That one is a good one.

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