I’m sorry if I sound ignorant. I’m am trying to navigate my alcoholism. I’m genuinely wondering why are some people (like myself, unfortunately) so triggered when drinking? It’s like a light switch. I can go from happy to mad in seconds, then to crying, annnd repeat… How obnoxious right?? I’m quite a mess. I woke up today with that all too familiar feeling of guilt, like my whole world is ending. I haven’t told you guys but I’m very petite, so 2 beers easily does me in, add any other drink and I’m completely blacked out. I snuck a drink of bourbon last night too.(WHY). That’s a huge no and it concerns me that I am not keeping myself in line. Alcohol makes me do the most and it’s so tiring, and also just …it gets freaking old. I’m very aware I have a problem. I feel like I cannot control it. I know it has to do with brain chemistry but , why?? I know plenty of people that don’t have this reaction. I feel like I’m killing myself, spiritually. I know my worth. I know I’m better than this. I love myself when I’m sober.
I called out of work out of shame for getting too drunk last night , I missed dinner because I was too busy drinking , argued with my SO, and we went to bed mad. I just feel like this disease is going to ruin me no matter how hard I try. I’m sorry if I come on here too much with bad news. I’m trying I really am.
I had a really good "Ah-ha’ moment the other day. I wanted to drink so bad that I snuck away to get one and my SO caught me half way out our driveway. I tried to play it off and still went. But, for once I actually turned my car around and came back home. I didn’t get that beer. My spouse and I rejoiced and I was so happy with my self. I shed a few tears and we had a great night. Skip to last night and yeah… Anyone see a pattern? I have a Dr appointment coming up I was thinking of addressing this with them. Thoughts? Criticism welcomed . God knows I need it
I hear what you’re saying. In some ways it doesn’t feel “fair” that some people have a problem with alcohol and some people don’t. But you recognize that you do. Just getting to that point is big. For me, I had to realize everything I was endangering by drinking. I was endangering having custody of my son, I was endangering my relationships, and my job. I decided I wasn’t willing to lose any of those things and that gave me the resolve to say I have to quit for good. Some folks have to really hit rock bottom before they can say that. I think it’s different for everyone.
All you have to do is one choice at a time. Make the right choice this time. Next time you’re tempted, make the right choice that time. Take it one day at a time.
When i drank id fight with my shadow ,somebody looked at me the wrong way id start a fight . some people just get happy and annoying lol and some just go to sleep . maybe try a meeting might help wish you well
I definitely think about everything I’m risking when I have that drink. I always think oh, I’ll be fine this time…but I can just FEEL it. I don’t have many chances left. My addiction is affecting everyone I love, my sanity, and I am so scared I will lose it all. My SO is very supportive, but one can only deal with so much BS until they check out. It makes me so sad I keep doing this. I’m completely selfish when the Beast (as I call it) takes over. My addiction is scary to me because I can’t predict myself or if I’ll have to power on any given day to control my obsessive thoughts of drinking. Sometimes , it just isn’t enough.
I dont know. I was an angry triggered drunk when I was younger. I mellowed out and became a mellow drunk later on.
Odd as it sounds I had given up to a higher power while I was still drinking. Its possible to have personal growth even while drinking whether thats taboo to say or not.
Working in some personal work on anger, control, and your place in this world is a positive whether youre an active drunk or not.
Regardless for me stopping drinking was a necessity. I still have no control over myself, however booze isnt pulling the strings anymore.
I’m not an alcoholic, but I am a diabetic - and there are some similarities.
You’re an alcoholic. You cannot drink alcohol. You have to choose to drink non-alcoholic things: Perrier or seltzer water with lime, flavoured water, smoothies. Anything, as long as it’s not alcoholic.
Why are you an alcoholic? Why are you like this? Who knows. You might never know. It doesn’t matter anyway - because the solution is clear: you cannot drink alcohol.
I am a diabetic. I require insulin because my body does not make its own. I have to choose to check my blood sugar, count my carbs in my meal, and take the appropriate insulin dose. I do not have the option of not doing this. If I don’t do it, I ruin my life.
Why am I a diabetic? No one really know why my immune system decide “Hey, let’s stop Matt’s body from making insulin.” It just did one day. And now I have to take insulin in needles.
It doesn’t matter why I am diabetic. What matters is I know how I can live a healthy life with my family: I take my insulin, track my sugars, and I’m good.
You are an alcoholic. You will always be an alcoholic. There is a way you can live your life safe and sober. Alcohol will always be trouble - you know that - so the choice is yours: do you want to live life? Or regret it?
The only thing that has helped me is to be around other alcoholics. AA or other groups to start. None understands what it’s like except for people whose bodies and minds react like ours do!! You won’t feel so messed up or alone when you hear others who struggle like you do!!
Something else that helped me with making the right choice “this time.” Make the right choice and then really celebrate yourself for doing it, no matter how dumb it sounds. Make the right choice, and then pump your fists and yell YESSS or do a happy dance or whatever makes you feel good for making that right choice. It sounds stupid, but behavioral science shows that you are likely to make the right choice “this time” more often if you associate it with a good feeling. The more often you do it the easier it will get.
For me its alcohol that makes me aggressive and emotional, not that im not already, having BPD 1 i have erratic mood swings and violent outburts of rage that use to be uncontrollable. Learning to manage my triggers and abstain from drugs and alcohol seeing my therapist and maintaining my self care with medication i am learning better how to deal with my anger issues and continue with my recovery of this disease of alcoholism and substance abuse.Basics, keeping structure and balanced routine with exercise, plenty of sleep, eating well meditation and mindfulness helps with my sobriety and well being of the many conditions i face. 1st things first, 1 step at a time, and ez does it, you will find your way.
Hi , most importantly you realise the issue , that’s the biggest step . Chemical imbalance , underlying confidence issues , vulnerability , unhappy with oneself can all be issues when alcohol is involved.
I also gave these issues when I drink and can go from the life and soul of the party to bring pretty obnoxious. Especially at times to my nearest and dearest loved ones .
Only early days for me but I have stopped alcohol completely, That way I wake up my the next day without that “ oh no what did I do or say ….”
Maybe the way forward is to leave the alcohol alone , certainly until you can address the underlying issues that cause the issues when you drink , Goid luck , you can do it .
God bless you!