I’ve learned that I have no sober friends and that everything revolves around drinking and drugs. I’ve learned that people treat you differently and stop, not only inviting you, but sometimes talking to you when you are sober. I’ve learned that it’s a very lonely journey getting sober and relapsing and getting sober and relapsing. I’ve learned that I am weird, awkward, and being drunk makes it cute and funny, but being weird and awkward sober just makes you weird and awkward. I’ve learned that I’m an angry sober and happy drunk, which is difficult when you’re trying to be sober. I’ve learned that my body feels amazing when sober, but my mind hates me. I’ve learned the phrase, “the struggle is real” was made for people like us. I’ve learned that not having something to be sober for other than a self realization sucks. I’ve learned so much more and most of it is ugly and not made of sunshine and lollipops, but I keep trying because I’m sick of feeling like crap. I’m tired of letting it be in charge. I’ve always been that person… you tell me I can’t do something, watch me do it. But this is by far the toughest “bet you can’t” challenge of my life. But, I will. Watch me.
This is so good! 
Really enjoyed reading this. Thank you.
I hear you girl! It sucks A LOT in the beginning and then one day you wake up and it doesnt suck so much anymore. Life gets better. I am the queen of weird and awkward and unfortunately as much as I would like to think that booze makes me cute, it only took me one time of being sober with my girlfriend who was drunk to understand how uncute and wayyy not funny alcohol makes everyone. You are trying and thats all that matters!! I used to hate sobriety and thought sober people
were boring. That is sooo far from the truth. I am now a way better version of myself thanks to sobriety. You will get there! Keep going!! And you do have sober friends, everyone here on this app are your friends!
Thanks! I’ve been here before. 6 months sober, relapsed for the last year, struggling for the last month to stay straight. This place is great, I just need to get over the hump. 
It was a reality check when my friends all cheered, “Yay! She’s back!” when I showed up drinking again. Kind of a kick the the head. 
Thank you for this post Jason. Really needed to read this. I am very grateful you’re here, on this forum, sharing your journey 
thank you
This is a good one! I’m ten months sober and never think about drinking, still when my bf got two bottles of booze for his birthday I asked him to remove them from the house. I don’t think I’d have had any, but my mind was so conscious of them being there all the time! It was so uncomfortable and made me distrust myself which felt bad. He’s such a gem though he was pretty annoyed he got any alk gifts and got rid of them straight away. We used to have a whisky corner and always alk in the house. I am blessed with this guy and his support.
I absolutely second that. I’ve been dealing with depression for half my life but the last couple of years before getting sober I was bed bound. I went to work, and stayed in bed, drinking, that was all. I know I have depressions for personal reasons I am dealing with in therapy but the alcohol had completely barred my way out. My therapist has stated the same thing to me, it’s a chicken and egg situation!
Also, the anxiety and depression both got so much better after I quit drinking, I would never have anticipated that! The greatest gift!
Hi @Sayla, I hear you on not liking yourself sober. I couldn’t begin to imagine how to stand myself without the oblivion alcohol afforded. I used to loathe myself so consciously, so viciously and what felt like so rightfully, I had to get smashed to be able to let up a bit in order to show my face, meet someone, have a chat, get out of my self-hating head for a wee bit. It was bad. What I have experienced is that my self loathing doesn’t go away in sobriety, but it gets put into perspective. As an unhealthy and unfortunate and regrettable fact of my psychic life but also a consequence of experiences and psychic developments going down the wrong way. I now find I can relate to self-hate, have an attitude towards it, rather than just live it. It took time to get here and I am far from loving myself all the time, but I do feel more like a likeable version of me. Another things that has made a big difference to me is mental reliability. The thoughts and ideas I have today I will also entertain or deem valid tomorrow and will most likely strive to act in coherence with them. The discrepancy between what I wanted/thought/did from day to day and between sober and drunk back in the day fucking exhausted and was killing me. With coherence comes a chance at self-regocnition and self-respect, for me. I believe it is similar with you. As @Clarity has said, chance is that you’re really not cuter and funnier when drunk. Chances are you’re not despicable when you’re sober, but you have a problem with self worth and this problem has probably been there for a good long while and is deep-set. Sobriety will give you a chance to work on this. Your view will change and it’ll get much better for you, I’m really certain about this! Sorry for the novel! Power to you! 
