So I’m three days in, I nearly caved earlier giving myself the ‘may as well just start again after Christmas now’ excuse, but I bought some non-alcoholic beer to scratch that itch and the urge has passed.
My concern is that I will be around family and friends in the coming days over Christmas who will be drinking and will be expecting me to drink. I mentioned in my first post that family and friends do not recognise the issue and can be a little undermining without meaning to with regards to sobriety (“are you still having a break from drinking or are you back on it yet? We’re celebrating, that’s the spirit!”)
What tactics do people on here take when people are encouraging drinking? I’m not at the stage where I want to declare that I have a problem around certain friends and family members because I know they either won’t take it seriously and will think I’m being dramatic or they will take it very seriously and panic.
Sometimes just have to draw a line in the sand, distance and boundaries. Have drinks with no alcohol let them have their fun and dont be encouraged to partake your not missing anything if you decide to be sober. You’ll have clarity and your piece of mind. I remember being asked once ‘if everyone is jumping off the cliff, you going too?’
Hey L, congratulations on 3 days in. I know how tough it is during those first weeks. Sassy has some really great tips on this subject. Also, it really doesn’t matter if family or friends expect you to drink. That’s about them, and this is about you protecting your sobriety. Find a tip/tips that resonates with you and hold onto it. You can also slip away and let us know how you’re doing during these times. Sending you hugs and strength
Congrats on your 3 days! Those first hours were hard for me. Very hard. The post that Carolyn just attached is excellent. Avoiding the tempting situation is best IMO. Just stay home. If you absolutely must go, an exit strategy that is fool proof is important. For business situations I have a plan for what I’ll say, what I’ll drink and how I can exit as fast as I can. If I’m asked: Can I get you a drink or Why aren’t you drinking? I say, I’m not drinking due to a health issue but thank you for asking. I then ask them a question about themselves to change the subject. This always works. People would rather talk about themselves than talk about my not drinking.
I don’t really have any advice, and in fact will be looking at the answers everyone else gives here. I am thankful my two sisters-in-law, my main drinking buddies at family gatherings, are both really into the whole diet/working out thing right now. Since they aren’t drinking, it’s going to make it a moot point for me on Christmas, and I am SO thankful. I honestly was dreading having to deal with it.
I am really wondering how I’m going to handle things next summer if concerts really fire up again. (God willing. COVID can go eff off any time, please.) I do a huge amount of concerts, and there is a huge amount of booze flowing. I don’t want to skip the live music, but…I’m just hoping my sobriety is more firmly cemented by next summer. I’m not looking forward to dealing with people urging me to drink.
In the long run, no one is responsible for your life and how it turned out but you. Drinkers want to have drinkers around them; that’s their choice.
You’re here and realize it adds nothing to your life. The beginning is a mind game for sure but we are all here to help you!
From my experience, and I mean this in the nicest way, enablers tend to have the same problem that you’re trying to tackle but haven’t accepted it, or even want to. I can only give advice based on my experience. (1) let them go (2) change your environment & tell the truth, or (3) revert back into the habits you’re trying to escape from. I’m a Newcastle lad so I told my family & friends I wasn’t in the mood to drink & when they tried to take the piss I told them to shut the fuck up
I’m very much a gig-goer too, so fully understand this feeling and I’m also hoping that by summer my mind will be clearer and stronger.
I managed a day festival in August this past year completely sober during my previous attempt to quit booze, but nearly caved when they ran out of non-alcoholic beer. It was a struggle for sure.
Congratulations on your new found sobriety! I found in my first year or so that it made things easier for me to carry my little black book everywhere I went! I had a wedding that I was going to a month or so in and it really helped… When I was feeling a little overwhelmed I would go somewhere quiet and read the meditation for the day and pray. It only took a few minutes and made all the difference in the world! I’m not sure of anyone else, and I know that it might not be true of everyone, but I also started out drinking non alcoholic beer etc in the beginning and found that that in itself made things more difficult for me. The longer I stayed sober I realized that it wasn’t only the drinking that was an issue for me and that the mindset that came with drinking non alcoholic beer was a slippery slope for me as well. It was the a part of me that still wished I could drink like normal drinkers and after working with my sponsor on the steps I eventually realized that I hadn’t fully surrendered… In my case I realized that trying to fit in was a life long story I used as an excuse to drink, and I’m thankful every day that with the help of my higher power and my sponsor I had found an easier, softer way to live life. Hope this helps… Just remember one day at a time and you will find dealing with these issues become easier.
I remind myself that no one can make me drink. The only person who can make me drink is myself. If I’m concerned that someone will convince me to drink then that must mean that there is a part of me that wants to drink. If I feel that the part of me that wants to drink will outweigh the part of me that doesn’t, than I wouldn’t allow the opportunity by staying home.
I’ve worked hard to get where I am at and I’ve had enough day ones to know that I don’t ever want to go through that again, so I protect my sobriety at all costs, even if it disappoints others. I’ve missed holidays, birthdays, get togethers etc. and while my absence may have caused hurt feelings, I’m still sober, and to me, that’s the most important thing for me, right now.
It’s ok to ride the bench for a while. There will come a time where you will be ready to go in the game with full confidence.
For me, I was clear with people. Not only did that establish boundaries (luckily my friends and family were understanding), but it also creates accountability and in some ways motivation…i.e. “I don’t want to tell everyone I’m back drinking so I will stick to my sobriety harder”.
Also, if it’s a true priority for you, then protect your sobriety and make smart decisions. Don’t be afraid to step away from the group if you need to refocus or even leave at a certain time if it becomes unbearable. If they give you a hard time about it be clear that sobriety is a priority for you and you had to take care of yourself. Sometimes it may take something more drastic like that for them to take the journey seriously.
This is a tough time with celebrations and get togethers etc, but you have to make food decisions for yourself if you want to make it through
