Great list to help with events and holidays. Remember, your sobriety is your #1 priority.
-Do I have to go?" First and foremost, determine if there is a valid reason for attending this event. Is it to mark a very important, once-in-a-lifetime occasion for a very dear loved one? Required by work? Required by law? I can’t think of very many other reasons one would have to go to an event. Birthday? They’ll have another one next year. Wedding of second cousin? If they’re not close to you, they probably won’t notice if you’re not there. Christmas? Again, that will happen next year, too. Early sobriety is about you. It’s about saving your life. Be a little selfish. If you can back out of a difficult event, do it. It’s not forever, it’s just while you get your sober muscles good and strong.
-Bring a sober support. If you can, bring someone who is on your team and who can help you remember why you are doing what you are doing.
-Set a time limit. Get there late, leave early. Determine ahead of time what a realistic amount of time you can resist temptation is. One hour? Two? Plan to stay only as long as needed for the most important parts of the event, then stick to that plan. If you’re worried about what the host(ess) will say, tell them ahead of time that you will have to leave by _____ o’clock. Make up an excuse if you want. Still feeling strong when the pre-set time comes up? Don’t tempt fate; leave on a high note.
-Plan what you will drink. Your host(ess) wants you to feel comfortable and welcome. That usually includes offering you a drink. Maybe it’s a hot day; you will want something to wet your whistle. What will it be? Ginger ale? Club soda and cran? Sparkling water? Know this ahead of time, that way when someone says “Can I get you a drink?” you can confidently and without pause say “Oh, why, yes please. I’d love a Sprite.” If you’re worried that everyone else will have a cocktail glass and you won’t, ask the bartender to put your drink in a rocks glass. If you don’t think it’s likely that there will be non-alcoholic beverages available, bring your own lovely bottle of seltzer water with you.
-Remember HALT. H=Hungry, A=Angry, L=Lonely, T=Tired. Eat a high-protein snack before you go and avoid sweets at the event as they can create a blood-sugar crash that leads to alcohol craving. Release yourself from resentment or anger that “everyone else gets to drink and have a good time” and you don’t. You know you don’t have a good time when you drink, you have a hangover and a feeling of defeat.
-Lonely? Talk to people and have a good time. Hey, you’re gonna remember this in the morning! If you need to, duck into a corner and call a sober friend, do it.
-Check in with a sober support before and after the event. Call and get (or give yourself) a little pep-talk right before you go or even in the parking lot. Have them on-call in case things get rough (remember that lonely thing?). Then, call afterwards to tell them what a rockin’ job you did staying sober. If you can’t find someone to do this for you (I bet you can), come here and post before and after.
-Take a time-out. Plan a little self-care halfway through the event if it is long, and give yourself a break if you need it. Sit in a bathroom stall and read a few motivational quotes on your phone. Call your sober support or, if you have one with you, pull them aside for a little check-in. Find a quiet corner to take deep breaths. Step outside and do a quick meditation. Sit in your car and listen to an inspiring song.
-Emergency Exit Strategy. This is not the time to ride-share. If you have a car, drive it and don’t give anyone a ride to or from (except your sober support). If you get in a pinch and have to leave, you do not want to have to wait for someone to be ready or have someone convince you to stay “just a little bit longer.” If you must ride with someone else, make sure they know your planned departure time and are willing to stick to it. Plan alternate means of getting home in case they flake, including having the phone number and enough cash for a cab ride home or the current bus schedule and bus fare.
-Plan/journal/visualize your success. Your head is probably full of all the bad stuff that could happen. Focus on what it will be like if you follow your plan, meet your goals, and have a fabulous time. Meditate on it, write the story in your journal, visualize it for a few days beforehand. Go into the event with that feeling of success and accomplishment already with you.
-“Why aren’t you drinking?” Trust me on this one, you are thinking about your drinking way more than anyone else. Most people are concerned about having their drink; they probably won’t care about yours. But let’s make a plan just in case. Practice a simple response like “I don’t feel like drinking tonight” or “drinking just doesn’t agree with me anymore.” You have spent enough years justifying your drinking. You don’t have to justify not drinking. But if it makes you more comfortable say “my ulcer is acting up today” or say it interacts with a medication you are taking, whatever. If they push, change the subject. Asking a question about the person’s life seems to work especially well. People like to talk about themselves. If they still push, this is likely about them and their relationship with alcohol, and they are very likely drunk. Don’t take it personally. The broken record technique is particularly useful in this situation. Repeat the same simple phrase (i.e. “I don’t feel like drinking tonight”) over and over and over. Drunk people get bored easily. If you’re not stuck sitting next to them at the dinner table, walking away is also effective.
-The Great Escape. If you must go and do everything above and still feel weak… Run away! Retreat without apology. Deal with social repercussions later. They will probably be less dramatic than if you get yourself all sloppy drunk and do something stupid.
-Reward yourself for a job well-done. Plan a special little something for when you get home or the next day. A bubble bath, a pedicure, massage, favorite movie, steak dinner etc. You’ve done something huge! You stayed sober through a major challenge! You deserve it.
-Follow-Up with Self-Care. Just like after a strenuous workout, your sober muscles are bound to be a little tired for the next few days. Check in with your feelings, take it easy, and be vigilant of temptation for a little while.
great timing. Xx
bump them?? How do I do that please? I’m shite with technology lol. Thanks Geoff! X
I’m learning everyday lol x
