Meetings help. You have to get out of your own head. Right now your “addict brain” is driving you crazy running in circles like a cat leashed to a pole.
He’s gonna keep doing that until you get some support, from people who understand. He’s gonna keep doing that until you start to process your pain or your history, and find new ways to be, new ways to live through your days.
Have you tried attending a meeting before? There are lots happening online these days. It can be nice to listen. It helps you feel not so alone:
Online meeting resources