So I’ve brought this up before…not as a center of discussion but just as a note in other posts. Now it’s really getting to me! It’s so hard to have not only have a case of beer in my fridge staring me down each time I open it, but a partner who is cracking one open in my face every night. He has no intention of stopping, I know this for a fact per prior discussions with him. This is his home too so I feel like I have no right to tell him what to do… but… it makes it 10 times harder to resist temptation! Anyone else in the same situation?? How do you cope?
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You need to decide for yourself and your sobriety what is best for YOU. A huge part of my sobriety is owed to my partner. I don’t know where I’d be if he was still drinking. As soon as I got out of detox we laid down ground rules. To me, him drinking in front of you, shows no respect. For you, your sobriety…I think a serious conversation needs to occur and an ultimatum needs to be made. If he can not understand how important this is to you and is not willing to change, maybe this isn’t the relationship you should be in.
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It sounds extreme, but like @Donut89 said, I would seriously reconsider the relationship personally. I wouldnt want to subject myself to that temptation every day, it would be torturous.
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My husband drinks as well. It was really hard when I was first getting sober. I blamed him a lot for me drinking. Then someone on here reminded me that he wasn’t picking up that drink and pouring it down my throat, I was and that I was 100% responsible for my sobriety. That really resonated with me. So, I started going to bed real early and staying sober. Going for walks at night and staying sober. Going to fitness classes and the gym at night and staying sober. Basically getting away from the booze and him til I built up some sober muscles and had some sober tools. Also, no wine allowed in the house. All sorts of liquor here and beer, but it doesn’t really tempt me. Wine did. A lot.
I had to learn to separate what I could control…my drinking…with what I could not control…his drinking. Once that clicked in my mind, it helped. It was hard and uncomfortable at first, but I spent a lot of time alone in our bedroom and pushed thru.
My husband is a wonderful, kind man…
.and he loves me as I love him. I had no intention of losing my marriage, but I stepped back from it for awhile to focus on getting myself healthy and it has helped our marriage a lot. Only you know the heart of your marriage and your husband.
There are a lot of threads on here about living with someone who drinks, I put together a post with some links to threads…
Does your partner still drink? Some threads you may find helpful
I hope you find this helpful. I know it is frustrating. Keep working on YOU. 
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I get your points… I’m married though so it’s not a simple thing to leave the relationship. 
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That is helpful…my situation is similar. My spouse is a good person and there are no real issues between us so I don’t find his choice to still drink is a deal breaker in our relationship. I am more concerned about my own self control.
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Sobriety as an addict often means making hard decisions about the relationships we have in our lives. We can’t play in the same playgrounds if we want to be sober.
Sobriety was a must for me when I was determining the sort of life partner I wanted. I knew I could not stay sober and comfortable in a romantic relationship where my significant other used addictive substances.
I recommend having a heart-to-heart with your partner about your need for support in your decision to be sober. Sometimes people who do not have addictive tendencies do not understand the seriousness of it.
Your partner may be feeling defensive about their own drinking and afraid of the changes your sobriety has brought to the dynamic.
At the very least, you do not deserve to be exposed to alcohol every day. It needs to be out of your sight at least. The home needs to be alcohol-free.
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I hear you. It is hard finding our footing at first. Do you do meetings? That could get you out of the house as well. For me, I had to jealously guard my sobriety and remove myself from being around him at first when he drank (almost nightly). It was rough.
We talked a lot about my sobriety, but truly it took him quite awhile to ‘get’ it, especially the needing not to be around him drinking.
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I don’t attend meetings… I haven’t really researched it at all. I have been keeping busy doing stuff. This weekend I spent most of my time on a woodworking project. But I finished last night so now I have no idea how to focus my sober time. I used to spend every night drinking and now I feel like I have nothing to do.
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Meditation? Yoga? Can find both for free on YouTube and workout videos too. Or find another woodworking project…used to do that myself as well, lots of refinishing. Puzzles? Reading? How about cooking or baking? Out to a movie or explore the library. Just some random ideas.
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This was beautiful thank you.
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You’re right. I have to find new hobbies. I might end up with a house full of newly built furniture out of this… who knows… this is what I built this weekend
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Very nice!!! And is that a kitty or dog station?
Oh I have a puppy and 2 cats. Lol
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Nice!! We have 2 cats as well.
My husband drinks and when I first started trying to get sober it was really hard and I relapsed a lot. But finally i just said this is serious for me and I went to AA meetings. Once I did that he stopped drinking daily. It helped a lot.
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I’ve got the same problem with my partner and weed, I totally get what your saying, but I love her. If I lose my partner because of a drug then the drug has won, I’m trying to do this so we can be happier not split up. The other side of the coin is, if she loved me the same she would be more considerate, probably best we don’t dwell on that.
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I feel like if you worry that your partner drinking will somehow cause you to drink, it’s a sign that your own sobriety is still tentative in your head. Like, you haven’t fully FULLY committed to the idea that you’re done for good. There’s still a little crack in the decision somewhere, some idea that maybe there will be a day in the future where you have a good reason to pick up a drink.
My partner drinks, my friends drink, I go to bars occasionally, there is wine in my fridge and on shelves in my kitchen and I don’t think about it at all. I am completely at peace with the idea that there is never going to be a reason for me to have an alcoholic drink for the entire time I have left to live. I’m done, and I’m glad. Life is 100 percent better in all ways than the days when I was trying and failing to improve my life through alcohol.
You need to get to that state of mind. Annie Grace’s book This Naked Mind was really helpful in getting me there.
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Valid points. I think in the back of my mind it is still an option. I’ve toyed with it…tried to work it out that maybe in the future I can drink just on occassions. It’s tough to admit that I cannot do that because I know it will all snowball back to where I was.
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This right here!!! Remember this!!!
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