99 bananas was the drink. I was listening to Black eyed peas - let’s get retarded (before they changed it to let’s get it started) and doing shots at noon. By myself. I haven’t told this story in a long time and I now see why. I look really pathetic. I didn’t get clean for 14 more years…
In some guys bed we met at the bar the night before, with my friend, neither of us with pants or underwear. He was downstairs with another friend, none of us new what happened. No memory of the night, like wiped clean. Later we realized we were given the date rape drug…
They say mens biggest fear about women is they will laugh at them.
Women’s biggest fear about men is they will be raped or killed…
This was 20+ years ago and still the first thing I think of.
all I have to say is, God, that is f***ing terrible. I am SO sorry that happened to you. I have one situation where I woke up thinking something may have happened with a guy I had been seeing and it was only 2 years ago. I was also completely clothed and at a close friends house. I still have no idea but something deep down tells me something occurred. I woke up the next morning with a slight pain between my legs. You don’t just wake up feeling like that. We ended things a month or so later and I haven’t seen or heard from him since.
My worst that I remember though is around 23? I woke up in my bed, face down and it looked like I’d puked in my sleep. I still think that I must have drank something that night but I was not with anyone who could have slipped me something. So yeah, probably not. Probably me just being a complete @ss. I remember I poured every single bottle of whatever was in the house down the drain that day (I was the only one who was drinking it anyhow). That was 10+ years ago and here I still am. Sigh.
I’m just trying to imagine that happening at any of the universities or colleges I’ve been at. Were you an undergrad? or grad student? Did anyone find out?
No college, I was young 22, we were so disoriented and back then it wasn’t talked about like it is now.
I was at bar by the beach in southern CA. At that time I just didn’t know what to do, kept thinking I was just really drunk but when we all started coming out of the fog later that night we just kept thinking and finally we knew… Should have called the cops, went to hospital. None of us could remember, so it was weird… lots of shame for not knowing…
Sorry for misunderstanding the age thing. Not that the age or length of time matters. Trauma is trauma and again, so sorry for what occurred ugh.
Its fine, I am 45 now. So long time. Thank you for your kind words. Lesson, never ever leave any drink alone anywhere.
2 Likes
I’m not a big story sharer here on the forum but I’m trying to be. I think I’ve been in a lot of unfounded pain for years and I find it helpful when I read things that people say they’ve rarely shared. You are giving people courage to do that no matter how bad it is. Thank you for doing that.
2 Likes
Ahhh, I’m not a big sharer. Sober I’m an introvert and don’t like people much… Someone on here was super honest earlier today, it made me laugh but also helped me to think, WTH. I guess I like that its private, anonymous, I mean, who else, where else… I couldn’t do it in person.
2 Likes
I’m 35 and very similar feeling although I’m not sure I’d describe myself as an introvert in real life? I feel like I try to help more though and only answer when asked if that makes sense? (Because people rarely ask lol) Guess we have nothing to lose so, here’s to helping others (I think)!
Way too painful to revisit
That’s just 2 of who can remember how many ‘stories’ involving sexual abuse…I couldn’t tell you how many times I woke up somewhere I had no idea where I was, how I got there or where I left my daughter. Mother of the year. Woke up in smashed cars wrapped around trees. In some teenage boys bedroom with his folks eating breakfast in the kitchen…me being in my early late 20s or so…classy. In a few alleys. A few bar bathrooms. Locked in a closet. I forget lots of other ones. It was all mostly a long time ago or not so long ago.
Oh right… naked in an ambulance at a Dead show one time. Another time near death from blood loss in my bed after falling and putting my hand thru a glass table. Roommate found me woke me and saved my life bringing me to the hospital. Had microsurgery on my hand…which I made my living typing at the time. The list is endless if I spend any time thinking about it, which I tired of a long time ago.
3 Likes
Undergrad. And who knows, I was out cold lol. Wyoming was a wild school though so it probably wasn’t to far out of the ordinary.
Everytime I woke up next to a man, still drunk and high on speed, and immediately wanting them gone or to be gone for not only did I not love them but I didn’t even like them. Was just always another way to hurt myself like I did when I took pills and drink myself into Oblivion. Every time I wake up next to somebody just as f***** up as me and feeling that awful empty loneliness and realizing what I was doing. Never ever want to be there again.
Thank you again for sharing. I feel like there will never be anything normal about this process and some are just braver than others in terms of opening up
You’re so right about the competition thing. I feel like when I share (no matter where or how) someone will try to one up me and say yeah but at least this situation didn’t happen to you… I realize everyone’s got their sh*t but when sharing we shouldn’t be negating what the other just freakin shared. That heals absolutely no one. This clearly doesn’t apply to our back and forth and I’m happy for that. 
4 Likes
For me, I don’t like thinking of all that old stuff, cuz some of it was so long ago and when I start thinking of one thing, then I remember something else then something else and on and on and on…40+ years of being wasted in one form or another means a lot of crap in your past and I try not to dwell on the crap because my past is my whole entire life and I really do not like feeling like my whole life was crap because it wasn’t…at all. But when you trot out the ‘stories’ it can sound horrific. But it is life and we all go through some serious shit, especially those of us with drug and alcohol problems. I am just thankful somehow I never killed myself accidentally or on purpose and am also thankful for a soft memory bank from all that acid in the 70s. I try to just let that shit go. I need to remember to avoid these types of threads in the future. Lesson learned.
4 Likes
I woke up in my easy chair, but it wasn’t 'cause I was drinking (big plus). My wife and daughter fell asleep watching a movie in our room, and I didn’t have the heart to disturb her and send her to her room. I fell asleep watching a movie in the living room, woke up at my usual zero-dark-thirty, coffee and a walk. Then hit the local donut shop for a dozen still warm.
Sobriety…I ain’t missing a damn thing.
4 Likes
Oh my, so true…about staying present!! I lost my focus on that…and I really appreciate you bringing me back to it…thank you.
And yeah, acid was HUGE in the 70s. Tune in turn on and drop out…all that groovy stuff. Long strange trip indeed.
2 Likes
I look at it like climbing a mountain. Most of the time I am focusing on where I place my hands and feet. Sometimes I’m looking up to make sure I am still aiming for the top and not headed for a place where I might get stuck. Every now and then, I’ll look back the way I came, and gain strength from how far I’ve come. Just because I may have busted a knee or made some other mistake, doesn’t change the fact that I’m past it. I’ve got what’s right in front of me to deal with, and I will, and then will be past it as well.
8 Likes
Polish hospital. I was told I was in a bar fight with a few polish naval officers at a local bar. Stitches were being put in my hand when I came to. From the sounds of it, I cleaned their clocks…don’t remember a damn thing.
2 Likes