I’m surprised by what I’m learning about my triggers.
I always thought drinking was mostly triggered by sadness or difficult situations. But I’m realizing that sometimes it’s actually the opposite.
I can go days without drinking, feel good and peaceful, and then something great happens. I get some recognition, have an amazing day diving, or simply feel proud of myself. And that’s when the thought comes: I’ve been good. I deserve a glass of wine.
The problem is that the “reward” can turn into a loop, and a couple of drinks can become days of drinking.
I’m starting to realize that feeling good and wanting to reward myself may be one of my biggest triggers. I honestly didn’t see that coming.
I know I have a tendency to fall into this pattern. I still don’t know how much I can change it, but I want to find out before deciding what “forever” has to look like.
11 Likes
Hey there! Love ur self-awareness!! Thats great work that u were able to notice a new trigger for urself!
I absolutely can relate to ur post too. For me anyway, i used drugs to either change how I felt, or to enhance what I was already feeling. If I was stressed or upset or angry (which were common triggers for me), of course I would crave my DOC. BUT… even being happy or excited was a trigger. It triggered me to use my DOC to want to feel more of what I was feeling. Especially if I viewed it as a reward.
The reality of it, is that the outcome is ALWAYS the same (at least it was for me). I would regret using everytime. I couldnt stop, even tho I told myself prior that it would be different this time. It never was. The consequences of using/drinking were always present.
When u feel those urges/triggers to drink, play the tape to the very end. Remind urself of what happens every time. It wont be different. There are other ways to “reward” urself for a good day. Maybe ordering a nice meal in, or look at getting a tattoo, or buy urself something nice. Something that physically shows u the hard work ur putting in 
9 Likes
I can relate to this, to some extent.
‘Feeling good’ or getting recognition would trigger me to turn to my DOC as well.
For me, it was/is an extremely low self esteem (because of how my addiction has damaged myself and those around me for decades).
When I hit a sales goal, or get recognized by management - for a moment, I feel pretty good - but then, my spirit says, ‘wtf are you so happy about, you pos; you don’t deserve this recognition’…
That used to send me straight to my DOC - I needed to prove to myself that I really was a pos.
*The mind plays terrible tricks on us. We use when we feel bad; we use when we feel good…
Ultimately, the triggers are just lies. You don’t ‘deserve’ to continue wrecking your life. You deserve to live a life of freedom and sobriety! 
Wishing you the best!
4 Likes
relate to this. The reward trigger is my greatest of all, after tiredness.
I’ve seen people use HALT to observe triggers H(ungry)A(ngry)L(onely)T(ired).
Mine personally is slightly different but picks up on what you mentioned - HEART
H(ungry) E(motional) A(anxious) R(eward) T(ired).
It helps me to name what I’m actually feeling, and address that need directly.
X
4 Likes
You’ve discovered the trigger which is half the battle. Second step is sitting with the feelings behind that craving.
I was excellent at self sabotage as a drinker. If I got a new opportunity or was highly praised I drank to burn it all down. Almost as if I didn’t believe I deserved anything good.
I’m not saying that is what you are doing but it’s a possible perspective. Sitting mindfully through a craving is a pretty powerful step too.
Come here when you crave and try to talk it out.
Great job!
4 Likes
