I’m not yet 2 months sober & there have been many changes that have happened naturally through quitting alcohol & cigarettes. The main one being my sleep: pattern, quality & quantity are amazing now, it took a while but I’m loving how refreshed I feel when I wake up in the morning, I’m actually tired when I go to bed. Previously I was living on about 4-5 hrs a night.
Anyway, I’m just curious about & looking for advice on massive life changes. Have any of you made massive changes in early Sobriety? How did that go, how did you go about it?
Re: work. I was always hungover & tired in work (I work in a fast food restaurant the past 3½ years) I have so much fun with my colleagues every day but I am now finding the actually job is boring the life out of me. This wasn’t the case while I was drinking, I suppose I was struggling to just stay awake most days. I don’t know what I would even change my job to, or if I want to go back & study something.
Another big change I was thinking about was my relationship status. I have basically been in a relationship with my addiction for the longest time. Told myself I’m just a strong, independent woman & I don’t need a man. At the moment I’m not feeling at my strongest but I’m certainly working on myself. I’m not exactly lonely & it’s not that I need a man. It’s more that I’d like to go on adventures & have male company. Yes I have friends (male & female) I can & do go on adventures with but lots of times I’m the 3rd wheel.
More recently (last 2 days or so) I have ideas of moving back to my home city which is 100 miles from where I live now. I know that’s not a lot of distance in most countries but in Ireland it is. Lol. I’ve very settled where I live now but there’s not really anything keeping me here.
I’m afraid to change things too soon & I’m also afraid if I don’t change things nothing will change. Maybe I just have itchy feet
Anyone got any thoughts? Are thoughts like this normal in early Sobriety? I would really appreciate any advice 🩷
On the relationship note I’d personally wait about a year before delving into that realm for two reasons. First it is important to work on the relationship with yourself and growing as a person beyond just giving up drinking so when you do find someone your able to present your best self for them. The second reason is because if it’s not successful and depending on how attached you become heartbreak is one of the number one cause of releapse or even triggering an addiction in the first place.
Thank you so much for your advice @Jackwoulf
I was thinking of waiting a year before I make any big changes. The main reason I asked is because I feel that I’ve allowed my alcohol consumption to keep me back from life & from living. In one way I don’t want to waste anymore time but dating sounds absolutely terrifying to me right now one part of me wants to run before I can crawl, my more sensible side (didn’t realise I had a sensible side) wants me to chill, take a deep breath & focus on myself.
Again thanks so much for replying.
Absolutely and you can chill or run depending on your personality but that doesn’t mean you need to get into a relationship. What i mean is if your a more chill kinda person then you can lean on that and read a book or tend a garden or find chill relaxing things to do with the time you would have spent drinking. If your a more adventurous person you go rock climbing or sky diving or bull riding. At the end of the day focus on who you are as a person and find ways of working on and developing yourself by diving into what you enjoy
Hi lisa congrats on 2 months like u im new in the sober world im 5 months and i also wonder about relationships and stuff as i got divorced just before xmas after being seperated from my wife for a year , like me im sure u have found new hobbies and enjoy your sober life but i do feel that im missing a companion to share those times with but as others have said i think at the minute we need to concentrate on ourselves as a relationship no matter how good can be restrictive. Being single i can do what i want when i want i can be selfish in a good way and get stronger in my sobriety so id say dont worry about actively looking for a partner just enjoy yourself and if something happens down the line you may be in a better place to pursue it …just my thoughts i wish you all the best stay strong ADAAT
Thank you for your reply & advice. Depending on the day I can be doing old lady things like knitting & watching The Golden Girls, other days I am so hyperactive & have so much energy I just want to dance in my kitchen for hours with the music turned up high I have to tell myself patience is the key. I drank for more than 10 years & feel like I’ve wasted that part of my life so I want to get on with living. But actually turning up to life is also terrifying.
Thank you. I haven’t checked out meetings yet. I’m doing a lot of things that are helping me (listening to sober podcasts every day, mental health walks, taking care of me, journalling etc…) I should check out meetings to at least know where that are & what times.
Well done on your sobriety! That sleep is amazing when you finally get over the initial withdrawals, it never gets old!
My advice is to take things slow, especially when it comes to major changes, like relationships, jobs, location, etc. In the first few months of sobriety, we tend to ride that pink cloud
We feel amazing, have a positive attitude and life just feels awesome! We feel invincible! Unfortunately, that feeling eventually fades and we are brought back down to earth. If we make too many changes, and the pink cloud disappears, we might suddenly feel overwhelmed and at risk of stopping the work on our recovery.
Some changes that you could do now might be around diet, exercise, meditation, hobbies, etc. The things that fill your time and improve your wellbeing.
After some time, you can start working on those big changes and you will have the tools to handle it.
That’s the way I took to sobriety on my second go round, and it worked for me, your milage may vary.
This rings so true in sobriety. Reconnecting, nurturing and strengthening the relationship between ourselves and our thoughts, feelings and behaviours after disconnecting with them through addiction, is crucial. Discovering who you are, what you enjoy, what you don’t enjoy etc. is a process well worth investing the time in. Keep it up, you’ve got this!
one part of me wants to run before I can crawl, my more sensible side (didn’t realise I had a sensible side) wants me to chill, take a deep breath & focus on myself.
I have to tell myself patience is the key. I drank for more than 10 years & feel like I’ve wasted that part of my life so I want to get on with living. But actually turning up to life is also terrifying.