I think this is kind of funny. I guess his judgmental attitude and disapproval of my beliefs and feelings was a trigger for me. But drinking isn’t a solution and i have to own that. Not sure what to do, i don’t want to get divorced again. But being sober has made me realize that it’s not all my fault and he just might be a butthead.
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Butthead was good, lol
I feel the same way, however I heard, don’t make any major decisions for the first year of sobriety if possible. Now if your being physically or verbally abused, get out now. But if your not, try some counseling. I am in the same boat, and I am going to counselling for myself so I can make constructive decisions.
Good luck… Haha Butthead, love it!
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Ugh, a whole year?! Good Lord, if I’m in the same position a year from now that i am now i feel like i deserve sainthood (butthead + rest of my nonsense life)! The only thing that has ever seemed constant for me is change. Well, that and having questionable taste in men.
Maybe not making any big changes is too much of a change my first year. 
I’m just glad i don’t have kids. Thanks for replying! Xx
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I agree with @Miki33…if he is being abusive, get out. If you’re just not sure you like him, stick it out and work on you first. You may find as you get more comfortable in your own skin you might be able to work on the relationship too. I’ve recently noticed that I no longer “hate” my husband. I wouldn’t say I’m happily married but I’m learning that I was part of the problems we had. Just give yourself some time.
And “butthead” totally made me giggle.
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Butthead… 
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Thanks for replying. I wouldn’t call him abusive, he’s just incredibly intolerant of beliefs and opinions that don’t align with his own, and I’m not the only one he subjects to his rants and ridicule. It’s just the way he is, and that’s okay, but it makes it nearly impossible for me to want to have an intimate relationship with him when he’s telling me I’m wrong and need to change all the time. I feel like keeping as much distance between us as possible and continue doing the bare minimum to avoid an upheaval. Sucks bc i know we’d probably both be better off if we moved on. I don’t know how he can say he loves me if he wishes i was a different person all the time.
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Just had this with my last girlfriend. It’s only when I sobered up I realised I really didn’t like the relationship I was in. Not that she did much wrong I just had a distorted view of things. Probably one of the only positives that came out of my relapse was us breaking up. I feel in a much better place on my sober journey on my own. Quite selfishly I can focus my spare time on me. Which is exactly what I need to do. Don’t stay in a relationship ship for the sake of it.
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Omg are u me lol, my husband exact same thing…
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Have you talked to him about this?
My husband can be very opinionated then again so am I. We dont always see eye to eye on things because our familys are drastically different which of course shapes your beliefs on alot of things.He needs to be willing to let you have your own beliefs even if he doesnt agree, you deserve respect.
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Thanks for your story. It’s crazy to see what becomes so clear when you sober up. I’m going to give it time, but itseems like writing on the wall at this point. I appreciate it!
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Jnxyjno I would be concerned about a husband who is always trying to change things about you and telling you, you are wrong. This drip, drip negativity must surely chip away at your self-esteem and seems very controlling. Sometimes it is easier to shy away from confronting this person"s behaviour. If you feel safe to do so, when things are calm, perhaps you could ask out right why he does it or turn the tables on him and when he objects point out that this is what it is like for you living with his criticism. As others have mentioned, you might benefit from speaking to an expert in relationships to ascertain why you feel you need to put up with it or ways of addressing it. This is your life too!! Good luck
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Thanks Sherr, i think it might have to do with his upbringing. He grew up in a very bigoted culture and although he’s overcome a lot of narrow-minded beliefs since then, he might’ve retained the judgemental and criticizing nature of it. We started going to couples counseling together, but then the therapist wanted to see me alone bc i was depressed so it turned into individual counseling.
I admit i have a very hard time calling out his comments in the moment, usually bc I’m shocked he said them and it takes me some time to register what happened. I envy ppl who are so on top of things that they can respond immediately to put downs like that. I get a little overstimulated in those moments and can’t react.
I should probably grow a pair and just talk to him about it, but he’s so angry and defensive i can’t even approach it gently. Everyone should be in therapy, lol.
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Oh my god I’m going through same shit instead of being there for me he just judges me and keeps reminding me that I’m an alcoholic and everything that I ever done while I was drunk. It draining my energy and I can’t even have a conversation with out screaming at each other
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Thats probably coming from a place of hurt and sounds like he needs to be told that his negative comments are bringing you down when you are trying to better yourself.
Dont let it get to you, I’m so sorry.
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Yes I hurt him so many times getting drunk acting stupid and calling him names while I was drunk but I’m really trying everyday really trying everyday I don’t think he forgives me. Thank you tho it feels good to let it out
I think only time will help.Sorry that you’re going through this.Its good you are on here so you know you arent alone in your weaknessess.Its okay.
You are doing things right if you are trying to improve and learn.
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Thank you we can all do this let’s stay strong
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It sounds like he put up with your issues for some time. Give him the opportunity to accustom himself to the new you. His role in your relationship may have changed totally due to your sobriety.
This is from a male prospective 
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Thank you yes I will give him some time and I feel bad for all the things I put him thru