It’s always hard to change habits, especially when you’ve been doing it well over 10+ years.
I hate myself for relapsing. Thought just one pill would be okay. Then it turned into two and now here I am. Broken down ashamed of who I am.
But my closet friends and family that know still believe me in. I truly appreciate them.
How do you cope with replases, without wanting to repeat history again?
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I found that a steady dose and the 12 steps has done pretty well for me.
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Analyse what led to the slip/relapse and see what you can change for next time. If it take was just the case that your fancied take a pill then look for what you can do next time the craving hits. Cravings generally don’t last too long and you can ride the crave wave so to speak. I found that I’d I started thinking about how I could go about using then the craving just got more intense. Use the slip to your advantage, learn from it. 
Sorry cant help you there havnt had one yet ,had plenty of excuses but no reason and my12 step program helps this old guy wish you well
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Understanding you have triggers. Often times when we do we want to self soothe even in unhealthy ways. Forgive yourself and know you are not the first and you won’t be the last.
We believe in you. Deeply and truly.
in true virgo fashion, i’m severely critical of myself. it took quite a few tries for it to stick and the possibility of relapse is around every corner. every time it happened i had to remind myself that tomorrow is a new day, its never too late to stop/start anything and i’m a human trying my damn best.
use the tools that are available to you – TS, AA, intherooms, books, etc. when you have a craving, come here and read or post for support/engagement to keep your mind off it.
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Virgo here. I feel you
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I’m a virgo as well. I’m always hard on myself. When I know I shouldn’t.
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Virgos unite 
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For me, relapsing was easy. Bad day at work…drink, woman problems…drink, friend pisses you off drink…over and over and over.
2 things made me stop…or atleast start the road to sobriety…after 2 and a half decades of relapsing time and time again…
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only one thing can make me drink…me. Once i figured this out, it took all the power away from bad days.
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The pain of hangovers, the embarrassment of doing stupid shit…was a billion times worse than fighting thru any craving.
Once I realized that, i could string days of sobriety into weeks, and weeks into months. As my mind cleared of the poison, i could talk myself into a recovery progran.
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