When the dust settles, remembering recovery

Absolutely spot on Paul :+1::heart:

1 Like

1 week sober… I’ve got a friend who is 1 week sober today who is on the verge of splitting up with his partner while he has moved in with his mother to care for her and her dementia. Her only pleasure is a few glasses of wine at the end of each day which he has to prepare.
He cannot avoid this situation and is struggling.
If people near you have alcohol in the house which is unavoidable the trick I used was disassociation… This is their drink it’s not my drink, this is their choice it is not my choice.
I don’t drink so I won’t drink.
Also the most important thing that he is doing is phoning and texting myself and other people telling other people about the situation, how he is feeling. This is called putting the work in, he is not alone and is willing to be big enough to ask for help. Sometimes we just need to know we are not going crazy and that others have gone before us and survived to tell the tale.

Don’t tell people the why’s you drank, tell them what your doing not to drink.
We understand.

7 Likes

When one is not enough… And I don’t mean drink or drug, I mean you.
I go to AA but you don’t have to to get the same result.
After a while my sobriety was not enough in fact this community shows that even early on most of us want to help other people so AA and other groups give us a more structured approach to do this by becoming a sponsor. You don’t have to sponsor people but it’s a great idea to take someone under your wing and be there for them, mentor, nurture and be the example.
Here’s why… I’ve been there for several people in one form or another and it occurred to me the other day that every single one of them had failed in their attempt for long term sobriety. Does this make me a bad sponsor? No, we offer suggestions and guidance the choice to drink is theirs but I’ll tell you what has happened, it’s kept me sober for over 3 years. How can you pick up and then tell someone else not to, how can you answer the phone if it rings if you can hardly talk yourself.
So if you wanna stay clean and sober forget about yourself and start taking some responsibility for someone else.
Simple, but the best advice usually is.

4 Likes

When I first started going to AA and heard…“we can only keep what we have by giving it away”, I was like wtf does that mean? I felt stupid asking but it finally clicked after some time. You explained it perfectly! Thank you, Paul.

3 Likes

Cunning, baffling and powerful… I’m going to pick up from a post earlier and explain my own thoughts behind it… At over 3 years sober there is a healthy fear that keeps me sober - I know what’s going to happen if I pick one up. I’ve failed so many times in the past with this amount of knowledge and cannot trust it to be enough. Even the other day myself and another sober alcoholic sat glorifying the good old days, many were until the end. So I’ll go to my meetings every week for 3 reasons, 1 ( the most important one) to help the newcomer who walks through that door. 2, to listen to people with long term sobriety and do what they do. 3, listen to the horror stories - I’ve known sober people drink after 22 years, I’ve known people pick up after 5 years and are dead from one session leaving young children behind… They all knew exactly what I know and it wasn’t enough.
I’m not glad or appreciate the warning but I need to keep my eyes open to the experiences of those that have come before me all with good intentions.
If they are not safe after 10 years etc then nor am I.
I have a program and it says it works if you work it.
The harder others fail the harder I work it.

6 Likes

I’m the exception to the rule… Every day for years I promised myself I wouldn’t pick up and every day I did. Everyone around me was holding on to their sobriety and supported me but I was different to them my addiction was worse, my life was harder. I was the hopeless case. Everything I did didn’t work… Ahh!!! Hang on, everything I wanted to do didn’t work.
That’s where the problem was.
To stay sober for one day we have to do everything we don’t want to do, we have to stop being selfish, inconsiderate, self centered, self seeking, greedy, sloth, false pride. We have to accept pain, we have to get up and take action, we have to do whatever it takes for those 24 hours.
Then we gotta do it again.
We were all broke once and your not the exception to the rule your just not doing what everyone else has done, ACCEPTANCE OF RECOVERY.
Every thought, feeling, emotion and physical withdrawal has been felt by someone else who is sober today and happy.
There is always a way if you are prepared to work for it.

8 Likes

My brain doesn’t know me at all… So got some life stuff going on and my first reaction was “Fuck it, after everything I’ve done why can’t I just catch a break, I might as well drink and enjoy myself”

3 years of sobriety and peace and my brain doesn’t know when it’s well off.

Come on mate we deal with it like we’ve dealt with everything that’s come our way, head on and like a grown man.
No matter how far down the road you are you gotta live life on life’s terms just one day at a time.
Oh yeah and don’t forget to serenity prayer the shit out of it all.
Godspeed :wink:

6 Likes

This is not a memory this is me today… 3 years 3 months alcohol and drugs free, 11 days gambling free…
I’m absolutely fed up of constantly thinking about recovery, every day something is related to addiction. Read this, say that, do this, don’t do that, go here, think this, change that.
And yet I know what would happen without it… Or would it.
Could I stop doing all the things that keep me sober and am I able to walk on my own 2 feet.
I hear it all the time " I started doing less and less and eventually ended up back where I was before but even worse"
Is this a risk I’m willing to take?

I love who I have become I just wish I could cut out that small part of me that’s left.
Knowing he’s still there is enough to keep me doing what needs to be done.
Complacency is the ego’s friend.

7 Likes

I didn’t think I was strong enough or had enough willpower to stay sober but little did I know at the time I had an abundance of each. The strength came in admitting there was a problem in the first place and more strength came trying to do something about it. Hundreds of relapses followed but not through lack of strength it was bc of addiction. The strength came in never taking a relapse as defeat and coming back for yet one more crack at the whip.
Also I was not lacking in willpower bc for over 30 years through rain wind and snow I made sure I had a drink or a drug near by 24 hours a day.
Don’t think yourself weak when your crying and it’s hurting this is just a normal part of recovery, there is no success without a struggle, but do think. Think what action shall I take next, think who can I talk to, who can I help. The beauty of this community is you can do all three here.
Next time it’s hard use your strength to stop, think, act, reach out, offer some guidance.
Don’t rely on willpower to keep you sober, rely on the power of ‘I Will’

7 Likes

I love this Paul! Thank you for this post. An inspirational message and love all that we can give / gain from this community.

1 Like

Owning it - I told everyone even if they couldn’t give a shit that i have a drink problem and don’t drink anymore and somehow I still manage to get it into the conversation if I meet new people, it’s best like that. It’s not about letting people know I’m an alcoholic it’s about being proud of my sobriety and stopping any awkward moments when some idiot trys to be nice and buys you a drink. Also by owning it it’s a good reminder to say to yourself “Hey this is what I am and this is why I won’t pick up today”.
If friends and family drink in front of you SO WHAT!! That’s them that’s their choice they’re not selfish or thoughtless they just don’t get it, it’s no biggy, unless your one of us your never going to get it. So be proud your the one who’s different, your not the outsider or the outcast your the owner of your own destiny, you never know someone might take a look at you and you might just save a life or two.

6 Likes