Where do I fit in

Life in Recovery
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When I wasn’t sober, in the before times, I knew exactly where I fit, somewhere between the parties, the bars and in the closet drinking.

Sobriety required me to remove myself from that lifestyle, and it left me wondering, where do I fit in now?

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This sudden social change often brings out new feelings, like

  • FOMO
  • Mourning
  • Boredom
  • Loneliness
  • Sadness
  • Depression

I felt all those things at times, to some degree.

It’s not easy not knowing where you fit in anymore, and if you are feeling lost, you’re not alone.

I spent most of my life in active addiction and while I had my own family, hobbies, a career, and non-party friends, that carried on into sobriety, I still felt a uneasy with where I was heading; it was unchartered territory after all.

I think that, for me, the bigger question was, what is my purpose here? What did I have to offer the world? If I could figure that out, I think I’d find where i fit.

I found my purpose in my family and in my music, and to some degree, in my work as well as my community. That is where I fit in now.

We all have something in common, the desire to overcome our addictions. That could be your purpose; to overcome, and share your story to those who need to hear it. That is where you can fit in, even if it’s temporary.

If you don’t know where you fit in, let’s talk about!

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I was at a meeting this week where this was the topic of discussion. Right now, my purpose is work and family. I’ve been excelling in the career I started when I got sober and now I’m finding I have a lot to offer my new teammates. Apparently, my boss thinks so too and relies on me to train and audit. Family is right up there too. I have a disabled daughter who depends on me for almost everything. I don’t know what my purpose will be in 5 or 10 years but I’m ok with where I’m at now. Sobriety has given me the opportunity to suit up and show up. Great topic, it gives me a lot to ponder.

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That’s awesome testimony!! You’ve certainly come a long way and I know you have a lot to offer! Keep it up!! :blush:

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For me the drugs and alcohol were needed because I believed that was the only way I could FIT IN. Sobriety has taught me I don’t have to fit in at all, it’s OK if I’m not funny, it’s OK if I prefer to be quiet, it’s OK if I have my own view and opinion instead of following the crowd. I don’t have to impress everyone I meet because it’s OK if people don’t like me for any reason.
I’m so far removed from myself, my EGO that now I seem to FIT IN anywhere.

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Man…… I relate to this post so much. I’m really struggling trying to find my purpose and who I am

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Well said and great topic!

I’ve been mulling over this same thought lately. It’s funny. Us humans strive, work, plan and execute our plans, goals and better self, only to realize that, that was “one” path of the journey. Then we’re already on to the next one and the next path and so forth. Not really giving ourselves the time to absorb, reflect and enjoy that last path we just came out of. Each success we accomplish in our lives, whatever that looks like, is a layer we apply to ourselves. It’s continuous. Some layers are negative and need to be demolished and rebuilt. Other layers are amazing and are life changers! But that’s life right? We keep building layers of our being and self, learning as we go, experiencing the wonder of it all. But if we take our time, relax, and embrace those precious moments…it does make a huge difference. It’s freeing….

So to @Lisa07 point, enjoy where your at now. It took a lot of work to get to where your at, and more than a year sober is significant! :clap:. We’re not promised tomorrow. It’s ok to plan for the future and have something to look forward to; but I’m gonna say when you look back, what you had in your mind will be a lot different with what the actual outcome is. And that’s ok. Keep moving forward. Keep loving yourself and know you ARE making a difference. Whether you see it or not…you are….:pray:t3:

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Love this, perfectly said!

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I’m still working on that…
A few days ago I removed my social media just because of it. I’m letting go a bit of the old me step by step.
Focus on “what do I like” instead of what I think the people around want to see of me.
I do not need to fit in everywhere anymore.
I do not like all people so not all people like me and that’s fine. Still struggling sometimes, but making steps.

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This rings very true for me. I have always been a people pleaser so I fit in everywhere. I used to joke that I would have made a good arranged bride because I was so malleable.

Sobriety has been a good start toward not fitting in and the very act of not participating in drinking culture feels defiant. I think I am becoming more me than I’ve ever been. We will see who I fit in with then.

I ran into my sister in public today and had a hard time matching her “Isn’t this just the greatest” enthusiasm. I used to think that was depression but I think it might just be honesty. Good topic.

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That right there. I never fitted in and I still don’t. But at least sober I can be present while under the influence all I did was run away and wallow.

At 40 I enrolled in nursing school while working an office job in addiction care. With the idea of helping my addicted fellow Amsterdammers. While the worst part of my own addiction was still to come and I was in denial of having a problem with addiction myself.

Now I work in a detox, as a nurse and as a fellow addict in recovery. Although it does give me purpose I don’t like to call it my purpose. It’s where I am in the right place right now.

Still a lot of ground to cover. Personally I still don’t fit in. Working on it though. Sober I’m much better at being myself. Because I’m working on getting to know myself ever better. Connecting with myself and thus getting better at connecting with others. Living my life with purpose. While still not believing life has a purpose :sunglasses: :thinking: Good stuff Dan thanks.

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My piece of the puzzle is grandpa at this moment. More importantly male rolemodel as the son in law is a complete piece of…

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I wasn’t social with it. I drank to “relieve boredom” and to “relieve stress.”

Once I quit and actually picked up some hobbies, I realised that actually I’m not bored, there are so many hobbies and adventures that I don’t have enough time for them. Also I’m not as stressed, life feels easier and I get stress relief in healthy ways like exercise.

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I love this and can completely relate. But my crochet and exercise is obsessional. I need new things! And I have a genetic condition which means I need spinal surgery. I’m scared I’ll not have my release of hobbies/ endorphin rush . I’m only on day 26 after a relapse.

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