So idk who reads these posts but im praying someone who can help/support will!
Im 26, I have a great job, great friends and a supportive parent. But here I am fucking it all up and no one knows how bad I have been or getting.
Today is the 3rd time ive been to the doctors in a week because I have issues with my nose (sinusitis I think) from going to hard almost everyday whether that be through coke or k. I think I found a small hole in my nose this morning and although it scared the shit out of me, I did a line less than 20 minutes later, whilst booking another appointment to get antibiotics… as if thats the fucking answer.
I am SCREAMING at myself 24/7 for being so stupid, but the next its like I dont care, it will be fine wont it mentality.
Point is im fucking killing myself and my relationships for something I know isnt worth it but its like I cant stop myself regardless of what happens to me and i am terrified what will happen if i dont stop.
We’ve all been there. It’s addiction. It’s the definition of addiction. It is taking something or doing something without being able to stop yourself, and even if there are negative consequences.
For me, my first step was connecting with a recovery group. I am in a twelve-step group, and for me that has been very significant. You can check out www.NA.org to find some meetings near you (there’s also hundreds of meetings online). People in the meetings will understand. They will understand you in a way others do not.
There’s also SMART Recovery and some other recovery programs too. There’s a list here:
Welcome to Talking Sober! You’re at the beginning of the journey. It is a long path, but like every path, it is always one step at a time, learning from people who have walked the path before.
Start here. Get real active here. Read all the threads you can each and every day. With in this community you will find stories such as yours, stories of success, time tested advice, stories of failed actions. You will find fun, fellowship, and a way out that leads to a clean and sober life.
hi @Sezzy welcome to ts like others have said it is a long path to freedom from addiction s we’re all here doing it together one day at a time no one can beat addiction ALONE it might keep you in the shit but it won’t get and keep you out of it .A recovery programme is indeed the best imo place to get to as soon as you can .but in the meantime today (I can see how much your struggling with just today) whenever you feel the urge to press the fuck it button DONT … come on here and tell us whatever your feeling at the time let people guide you on what to do next .DO NOT think…. your thinking is bad right now and your addicted brain wants you to use, it wants to be fed DO NOT feed it . this has to be the very FIRST place you start. If you pick up you’ve lost your first place again if you don’t pick up the first there doesn’t have to be anymore lasts.(I hope this makes sense it’s almost my bedtime and I’m tired ) sending love and positive thoughts to you
Congratulations with taking the first step: seeing you have a problem. That is a hard one to take. It took me years.
You are the root of your problem, but also of the solution. You can change and become clean.
But it’s difficult. I will not lie about that.
So my advice will be accepting all the help you can get. So can you go to NA like Mike above suggested? Ore see your doctor and open up about your using and ask for help? (And check out your nose ehile you are there too).
For now maybe deleting all the dealer numbers on your phone and getting rid of what’s (maybe) left in your house?
I would begin there if I where you.
If you use the magnifying glass above you can find all the older threads about coke use and how to stop. Coke is not my addiction. But addiction is addiction and you need to change a lot in your life and in person to become and stay sober/clean. Have you read this thread for example: What's YOUR plan? I would highly recommend to.
If you have any questions just ask, there is always someone awake here to answer them.
See you around!
The idea of getting clean is so scary for me.
Ive been to an NA meeting before, only once. But i wasnt ready and didnt take any of the messages seriously! I went to my doctor yesterday and explained my drug usage but they couldnt see any damage in my nose because of how bunged up it is. But I know theres a hole
There are so many changes I need to make with my lifestyle and my circle thats going to be the hardest part! Im only 26 and have been doing this every day now since I was 19 and before that I smoked weed every day from the age of 14! It feels like my whole life has revolved around addiction. Sad really isnt it haha
You are young and have so much life ahead. Yes, you need to make a lot of changes, but not all at the same day
Let’s start with a few!
You seems ready to me so start by going to NA?
I agree with the others who have said to start here. It’s helped me tremendously to scroll through the stories, comment and even post some.
I’m pretty new on my journey after abusing my substance of choice for about 15 years.
I don’t feel qualified to give you any advice, however I’m actually super excited for you that you’re curious about this and you’re only 26!
I’d say that’s truly something to embrace.
You have the power to change the trajectory of your life completely. Just imagine all the great memories and choices that lie ahead for you.
You’re not alone.
Addiction is a cruel mistress. She is both seducing and volatile, but you’re stronger and with each passing day, you’ll realize your strength as you step into the person you truly are. The person underneath the trauma and coping mechanisms.
Give yourself grace and understanding. You deserve to love yourself on this journey. 🩵
I am yes! Which is a blessing. But i have got a hole in my nose from the damage already done… I guess its a blessing because I am terrified to sniff anymore but the temptation wont go that easily!
Yes 100% keen for it now, just want to find a group I feel supported by. The last time I went it was all men alot older than me. They were completely harmless im sure but, i was very intimidated, felt like i shouldnt have been there you know x
Awww thank you so much, this made my cry a little haha! You are more than qualified to give advice it seems. It wont be an easy journey, ive been doing drugs in some form almost everyday since I was 15 so it is a lifetime to change.
Saying that I am overwhelmed by the support so far xxx
You said, “i am terrified what will happen if i dont stop.”
I will tell you exactly what will happen, if you don’t stop: It’s in the literature, and it will be 1 of these 3 things (or, a combination of them):
Jails
Institutions
Death
100% guaranteed.
That said, it’s fantastic that you’re reaching out. It’s never too late…unless #3 occurs.
Be kind to yourself. The things we say matter.
P.S.- All of those doubts, and fears, and reservations you have? That is your disease, trying to kill you. Mine tries the same tactics with me. You can find a new way to live.
When you put it like that its so scary but true! I just need to think like this whenever im tempted but its so easy to ignore these worries and think it will never happen to me…
.A recovery programme is indeed the best imo place to get to as soon as you can .but in the meantime today (I can see how much your struggling with just today) whenever you feel the urge to press the fuck it button DONT … come on here and tell us whatever your feeling at the time let people guide you on what to do next .DO NOT think…. your thinking is bad right now and your addicted brain wants you to use, it wants to be fed DO NOT feed it . this has to be the very FIRST place you start. If you pick up you’ve lost your first place again if you don’t pick up the first there doesn’t have to be anymore lasts.(I hope this makes sense it’s almost my bedtime and I’m tired ) sending love and positive thoughts to you 
