I have read that both of these things are related, and also lots of drinkers struggle with these issues. Anyone else relate?
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Iâm donât have a drinking addiction. However, I do struggle with an addiction of my own and that is why I am on here obviously. And to answer your question yes I struggle with perfectionistic tendencies and an all or nothing mentality. It what ways can you related to such things?
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Im always trying to get things just right, its time consuming and exausting sometimes the extent i go to get things perfect even though there is no such thing as perfect. I can make something level or square but i have to check it and double check it even though i know its good, check it again. Im learning to let things go sometimes it just drives me mad. Kind of an OCD quality that i struggle with
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Yes! Me too! And, well said!! The more I research and understand it, the more revelations I have about how I suffer anxiety and stress. Itâs so difficult too because you can know it but its extremely hard to change it 
Iâm trying out this practice of purposely leaving (some) things as they are, even if flawed or imperfect (as I would see it) and I tell myself that it IS good enough and that I am enough. humans make mistakes. No one gets everything right.
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ADHD and perfectionist hand in hand here,
I also have a habit of isolating and struggle with that as well.
Add in some OCD I like to do things in order, specific orders or Iâm off target and have to start over.
Itâs worse with music, I was working on a album with a friend who is a producer and doing some work he knew how I was so he would put a limit on me, he would be like you have 3 takes whichever one I like best is what we work with, cause I would be like nah I donât like the way that one note sounds or you can hear pick noise here.
My own work my close friends call Chinese Democracy 2, cause itâs been 10 years in the making (itâs a play on Guns N Roses Chinese Democracy) cause that album was years in the making, and was the most expensive album ever recorded
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Me too 
@Daphnecat, my read on it is that one of the aspects of ADHD is attention being fixated on something, and you lose track of other things (like time, or like other things you have to do). When we find something interesting, we hyper-focus. This leads to excessive time spent on something, tinkering with it (which is a type of perfectionism).
Neurotypical brains have more activity in the executive function, the brainâs âconductorâ, which gives cues when something is done and itâs time to move on to the next thing.
For ADHD brains, we can set ourselves up for success by breaking tasks down into chunks and then making lists of what weâll do that day, then stop when thatâs done. We can also work in 15-minute bursts - set a timer - and break it up with walking/stretching breaks (about 5-7 mins apiece). Personally I find those breaks help me keep perspective on what Iâm doing - during the break my brain recalls the other things I have on my plate - and the timer helps me be conscious of the passage of time. Thereâs lots of helpful tricks. 
(Edit to add: this tendency ADHD brains have to spill over, to spread out and dive in deep into something, has a huge plus: enormous creativity and out of the box thinking. Properly harnessed, that is a great resource, at work and at home.)
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I am pretty dure I have ADHD but not perfectionismâŚI tend to avoid things that are overwhelming.
I 100% believe that ADHD is a PART of why I drank. Other my kids have been diagnosed and I watch them for behaviours that I had when I was their age. Oldest also avoids work when overwhelmed. My youngest assumes everyone is hating her or out to get her. Argh. Itâs so scary because I can absolutely see those things will lead them towards alcohol.
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Have you considered some counselling (either for yourself - learning to coach them emotionally - or for them directly) about navigating those emotions, sharing them and âriding the waveâ? Though I didnât get any counselling when I was young I just spent yesterday looking over my elementary and high school report cards, for the ADHD assessment Iâm doing right now, and those teacher comments! 
) That kid could have moved with much more self-awareness through life and relationships.
I am also a work-avoider when overwhelmed. I tend to withdraw. ADHD brains do that as a self-defence mechanism because they canât filter and prioritize the incoming stimuli. Itâs like drinking from a firehose. Iâve had to learn to establish habits that help me give time for myself, spaces to recalibrate. In the frenzy of my youth I squeaked by on my charm: I regularly missed deadlines and opportunities; but I smiled and asked for extensions and forged my momâs signature at least once and ultimately I got by partly because I was polite and partly because I was smart and had flashes of synchronicity, skill, and luck. In my adulthood Iâm not as cute so I have to learn techniques to filter incoming stuff and manage it 
Maybe they do just need to go through that crucible though. Iâm not sure. How much of the ADHD experience can be done more consciously : proactively and deliberately, and how much of it is like a fish trying to climb a tree (where the fish spends the whole time bewildered, desperate and exasperated, until finally it limps its way back to water)? 
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Wow @Matt !
Thatâs fascinating stuff! You seem to know a lot about it. You have obviously researched it thoroughly.
Iâm 53 and have never been diagnosed with ADHD but the more l hear and read, the more l think l could have had it all my life and l have slipped under the radar.
A facilitator at the rehab l spent time in last year said that âmost addicts are on the spectrum of ADHDâ
I didnât put much weight on it then, but lâm starting to wonder?
Not that l need another label attached to my identity, but it would explain alot!
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The incidence of ADHD is higher among addicts in recovery than it is among the general population - which is a fancy way of saying yes, many addicts have ADHD.
Drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex / porn addiction, and the many other addictions all have one thing in common: dopamine. The hormone that stimulates us to pursue pleasure (âthis feels good so I should get moreâ).
Dopamine is also a neurotransmitter: it helps deliver signals between different regions of the brain. One of the reasons ADHD happens is a deficit of neurotransmitters (specifically, dopamine and norepinephrine), which causes problems in communicating and coordinating between different areas of the brain (problems with âexecutive functionâ). This is why a person with ADHD may be brilliant at music or mathematics but canât coordinate their schedule worth anything (because coordinating a schedule involves communication and coordination across different areas of the brain).
The dopamine we get from addiction is self-medication for our ADHD brainâs dopamine deficit.
Interventions (a combination of medication and counselling / therapy / behaviour coaching) help to reduce the chance a person with ADHD will get into addiction. It is important that medication be prescribed by a doctor whoâs familiar with ADHD medicine options. The child psychiatry department of your nearest medical university is a good place to start if you donât know who to go to.
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I am pretty dure I have ADHD but not perfectionismâŚI tend to avoid things that are overwhelming.
If you are anything like me, and l am definitely a perfectionist!
You will not even attempt some things because you are so terrified that you wonât do it perfectly!
You would rather deal with the humiliation of being seen as not trying, than the disappointment of not doing something to your standard (your idea of perfection).
My perfectionism even extends to this forum!!!
I will reread my post several times before sending.
I will edit my post even after posting!
I sometimes agonise over the right words in my post.
I worry about the length of my posts and often adjust them.
I worry excessively about spelling,punctuation and paragraph spacing.
Just to name a fewâŚâŚsuch a waste of time!
Makes me exhausted just writing this! 
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Thx Matt, itâs complicated stuff, but you make it easy to understand!
Are you currently studying this?
Thanks for sharing some of your wisdom! Iâm sure others will find this interesting toođ
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No wonder that âletting goâ is a core part of AA and other recovery programs.
Letting things drive me bonkers, trying to control everything, was surely a big thing constantly driving me to drink. And still causes trouble sober!
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Iâm an alcoholic and have ADD but not a perfectionist.
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OMGoodness. Once I realized that I must have ADHD I was so mad thinking about all the comments from teachers and how they treated me in classes. I grew up feeling so unliked, unloved, unworthyâŚ. It makes me mad. When I see how teachers treat ADHD today I feel so happy for my kids. I just wish teachers knew about it when I was a kid.
But yeah. They were doing therapy for a while. I do keep an eye on them to make sure they are doing âokayâ but I probably should do more
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My daughter is quite like this. Itâs actually a sign of giftedness!! There you go, I just declared you as gifted!!! But in all seriousness that is exactly what we were to expect with herâŚ.she found things very easy early in life and when things are not easy she just doesnât want to do it. Sheâd rather not do it at all than do it badly.
My OTHER daughter is not gifted and she will bust her ass working so hard until things are perfect because she has this I thermal need to prove she is just as good as her sister.
Me? Never did either. I was so sure I was useless I just never tried anything since whatâs the point? Iâll only be terrible anyways.
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Thanks @VSue!
Iâve been called a lot of things in my time, but âgiftedâ has never been mentioned!
-incorrigible,âclass clownâ,distracting, too talkativeâŚ.you get the idea! And that was only at school!! 
My school reports were always the same:
B/C- Achievement E- Effort
Now that lâm a grown up (supposedly) and working, my annual âreportsâ always say something to the effect of:
âAndrea needs to focus on the task at hand, and manage her time more effectively!â
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I also have never been called gifted. My daughter did NOT get it from me.
âSusie would do so much better if only she applied herselfâ
âSusie needs to to stop talking to her neighbours.â
Year after year.
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My god those exact words were all over my childhood report cards. Spooky!
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I think itâs just how things used to be. And teachers focused on the âeasierâ kids. They didnât know how to handle something they didnât understand so they just pushed us aside and called us âproblem kidsâ.
The episode of Mom when Bonnie found out she had ADD was funny but kind of hard to watch. Imagining where she might have been in her life if only teachers knew and understoodâŚit almost brought me to tears because I felt exactly the same way.
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